My phone has a reminder and special ring tone that goes off 2 minutes before we are suppose to be out the door on music days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they really like band they wont forget the instrument

That is not true for my kid. He lives for a certain sport, it is his very favorite thing, but that does not stop him from forgetting his cleats, uniform or other equipment.

Not true for my kid, either, who likes band and plays a big brass instrument that you can hurt yourself tripping over. He's forgotten his French horn twice this year. This usually leads me to ask, "So what did you do in band? Sit there and go 'pththththththrthth' for the whole period?"

We have a list on the back of the door with 4 columns. First has days of the week, second is Child 1's things to remember (library book, instrument, PE sneakers, dance shoes, sport gear, lunch, etc) third column is same for Child 2 and fourth column is me (I bring lunch, reading material on days I wait at activities, notebook for a specific meeting day)

Before we walk out the door each person reads their own list out loud to confirm they have it. It works because we all make it a routine. Except DH - he's a creature of habit already!

If he has a set schedule (unlike the rotating one a PP mentioned), why not set him up with a nightly checklist? Go over it the night before, to make sure everything is by the door at night, and then once more in the morning before you leave.

I have adult ADD friends who keep a checklist on the front door. By introducing these strategies, you are helping him develop coping mechanisms that may be useful for years to come.

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a successful HS kid who handles all sorts of things with great maturity.

He would never ever remember an instrument once a week without my reminder. I'm 50 and I would struggle, too.

If He is practicing without issue, I'd be happy enough.

I like the remind him to place it in front of the door strategy.

I don't know what OP's school is like, but my kids' music classes aren't even on the same day of the week - theirs are every six days, so they have to remember when they had it the week before to determine when they will have it that week.

does he have too much going on, schedule-wise?
if he really can't remember, and doesn't mind when he has forgotten it, maybe just let him quit band. It's optional anyway. If he doesn't like it, doesn't practice, and doesn't remember his instrument, I wouldn't see the value. I don't know if the first two things are true, but it sounds like they might be.

My kid is a successful HS kid who handles all sorts of things with great maturity.

He would never ever remember an instrument once a week without my reminder. I'm 50 and I would struggle, too.

If He is practicing without issue, I'd be happy enough.

I like the remind him to place it in front of the door strategy.

Make it a nightly routine where he checks his schedule, packs his backpack (checking to make sure he has everything he needs like homework) and places any larger items (like instrument) on top of it.
Expecting an 11yo to remember to do something once a week is almost impossible (I'm grateful DH is in charge of taking the trash to the curb, because I know I would forget to!). But by making a nightly routine, you at least have a fighting chance. That being said, be prepared remind him of his nightly routine for at least a year. (On the nights you don't remind him and he remembers (randomly), put a treat in his backpack)

OP here - thanks for the ideas - I think we will try reminding him to place the instrument on top of his backpack/across the front door the night before. I agree he needs a reminder - I was just hoping that the reminder wouldn't have to be me I need to brainstorm how to make the weekly calendar with reminder work in our house (our front door opens into the living room, so I wouldn't ever hang a note or calendar on the inside of the door bc it is basically a living room wall), we must have some place to make that work that will viewed before leaving the house. Until I figure that out, I'll give him the reminder each Monday night!

Even you said that you would need a reminder -- just that you have a phone to provide that reminder! So it is unreasonable that he will remember with no reminder of any sort.

Anonymous wrote:If they really like band they wont forget the instrument

That is not true for my kid. He lives for a certain sport, it is his very favorite thing, but that does not stop him from forgetting his cleats, uniform or other equipment.

Tell him that you will beat his ass if he forgets it again.

All school stuff goes together the night before. Backpack, instrument, everything. You will probably need to remind him to do this initially, and then remind him of what needs to be included each day. Making note cards for each day of the week can help.

Post it notes on the front door. He can write them and put them there.

Or put a whiteboard on the front door and he can write reminder notes on it for himself.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for these ideas! I love the image of running to the bus stop in big pink hair rollers and fuzzy slippers!
These ideas still seem to require some reminder from me - even if it is the night before. I'd ideally like to help him get into some kind of reminder ha it that doesn't require me remembering at all! (since I have my own never ending list of stuff to remember!) Am I being unrealistic?

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I think it's probably unrealistic to expect him to remember for a while to come, especially because this is only once a week, not every school day. I'm guessing this is his first experience with having something that's one day a week instead of every day and that also requires him to bring something--? I really recommend the "attach it to his backpack" idea above. Put the reminder on your own smartphone for the night before band days. and when that reminder pops up, that's the moment you say, "It's pack-up time." This will only really work if he packs up the backpack the night BEFORE school and not in a rush in the morning. And then he takes the packed backpack and attached instrument case and puts them by the door or on top of his shoes or whatever.

I definitely get the idea of teaching kids to be responsible, but if this is his first go at the "you only have this class once a week" thing, really, help him out. Plus it's still only the first quarter of the school year so he's likely still getting used to it. But don't pack up for him -- just be sure you watch as he, not you, packs, attaches the instrument case, and puts it wherever he will get it all in the morning.

I don't agree that his forgetting the instrument means he doesn't really like band! That's not necessarily true. It's just a lot for some kids when they first have to tackle things at school that are regular but are not scheduled daily. When kids first experience block scheduling in freshman year of high school (or in seventh grade if their middle school uses block scheduling, ours did), this really comes up at the start of the year as kids get used to "I bring the instrument on this day but not that day and oh, there's an extra rehearsal on another day that's not on the regular schedule, and there's an assembly messing with the schedule next week that means I don't bring it on the regular day...." and so on.