Anonymous wrote:

Well, you were unfair to him by making him wait 5 years to TTC. It's only reasonable that you at least try some sort of fertility treatment for his sake.

+1. I'm sorry but if I am made to wait 5 years before trying and because of this 5-year wait contributing to the infertility for some degree, then I cannot stop thinking about what if. "WHAT IF" you haven't made me wait?! WHAT IF, I started earlier then 2nd child may have been born already?! I will think about these.

Yet, it is true that it is the woman who goes thru all the injection/monitoring/blood/sono. So, I understand your frustration on that part. BUT, "HAVING TO MADE TO WAIT 5 years" is sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like you're being really unfair to your husband, and he may be resentful because you're controlling a major life decision.

OP here. How is this unfair to my husband? I'm the one who has to deal with the side effects of IVF treatment and the discomforts of pregnancy. My perspective is that we have one healthy child, which is wonderful. While it would have been wonderful to conceive naturally, we are now officially in secondary infertility and are facing an infertility issue (low ovarian reserve) that may be very difficult to overcome. I don't want to put my body through taking hormones and the physical stresses of an IVF cycle, though I need to do more research and I might consider IVF with minimal hormones. Though I have read that the success of natural cycle IVF is much lower than with full IVF.

Well, you were unfair to him by making him wait 5 years to TTC. It's only reasonable that you at least try some sort of fertility treatment for his sake.

OP I had similar numbers at 38, 3 years after conceiving our first with no issues. Like you the thought of IVF was very daunting, but we found NCIVF at Dominion to be much more appealing even though it took 2 tries to get a BFP. It was unlikely I would have produced many eggs with stim IVF, but my cycle was regular so they told me I was still ovulating.

OP here. Yes I have an appt. with a RE next week to discuss, as well as a therapist who specializes in infertility. Of course I am willing to take into account what my DH wants. He is the one who is insistent on a second child, if I wasn't willing to consider what he wants I wouldn't even be taking the steps to explore why I can't get pregnant with all the bloodwork, etc and invasive testing. But I am not willing to risk my health to get pregnant again with my family history of cancer. Can RE's actually say with certainty that there is no increased cancer risk with hormones? I feel like when I have asked doctors in the past about cancer risks with certian things they have no idea. I need assurances about this because of my family history.

OP, I think you owe it to your DH to explore all your options. By doing the research and TALKING to an RE about your options. Lay out a plan you feel comfortable with. The RE doesn't just give you hormones the second you walk through the door. And I am sure they can give you some guidance about any uptick in cancer risks too.

You don't have to go through with it. But I get the feeling your DH is feeling helpless and like you won't even THINK about what he wants. You'll have a stronger case if you do your research, discuss with him what you are willing to do versus NOT willing to do, and then decide together what is best for your family.

Now, like another PP said, if it's just a matter that you don't even want a 2nd child, that's a different discussion.

Fertility treatments and "hormones" are not always as bad as some people seem to think. Yes, some women have rough experiences, but many many women do not. I think you owe it to your DH to really dig in and find out what the real deal is before writing it all off.

Even with secondary IVF you have to go through (minor) surgery. if you have to do it multiple times that may be worse than regular IVF. Plus I swear the waiting with IVF is the worst and is so draining.

But honestly, I hate to say it, I'd be mad too if I was your DH. it is not a secret that fertility goes down after age 35. it's one thing if circumstances required waiting longer, but if you want more than one kid, it makes sense to not chance it and trying to be done having kids by 35. I realize there's nothing you can do to change that now, but I think you could acknowledge that you may have made a mistake. IVF is much less likely to work after age 35 because your eggs are in worse shape and so it's hard for them to live in the petri dish.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. AMH results are 0.28. Was really shocked to learn that. FSH is 12. Ovulation predictor strip has not shown ovulation in several months. Still getting regular periods each cycle but my cycles used to be 28 days and 6 months ago shortened to 25 days each month consistently for some reason--maybe that was the turning point for my decreased ovarian reserve.

Anyhow, will explore the decision making process more with my therapist. Yes, I was/am excited and happy about the idea of having a second child naturally, but having to go through IVF with such low ovarian reserve (and low chances of success) changes things completely for me. I don't know if I want to go through all that, especially the hormones--I don't want to go through something that might increase my chances of reproductive cancer given my family history of these cancers (i.e. I'm already at high risk). I would be equally happy with an only child as with having a second. My husband, on the other hand, will not be happy with an only child and I feel like he will always harbor resentment towards me about this.

This is not healthy. I can understand his disappointment if you choose not to do IVF but the secondary infertility is out of your control. Are you sure you're not projecting..."you're sure he will harbor resentment"? You need to talk to him.

Are you testing for ovulation twice a day? You could miss the surge.

There are FSH diets out there--wheat grass I think is
something that may be helpful.

Have your thyroid checked.

OP here. AMH results are 0.28. Was really shocked to learn that. FSH is 12. Ovulation predictor strip has not shown ovulation in several months. Still getting regular periods each cycle but my cycles used to be 28 days and 6 months ago shortened to 25 days each month consistently for some reason--maybe that was the turning point for my decreased ovarian reserve.

Anyhow, will explore the decision making process more with my therapist. Yes, I was/am excited and happy about the idea of having a second child naturally, but having to go through IVF with such low ovarian reserve (and low chances of success) changes things completely for me. I don't know if I want to go through all that, especially the hormones--I don't want to go through something that might increase my chances of reproductive cancer given my family history of these cancers (i.e. I'm already at high risk). I would be equally happy with an only child as with having a second. My husband, on the other hand, will not be happy with an only child and I feel like he will always harbor resentment towards me about this.

You are vastly overstating the risk of cancer from IVF drugs. The jury is still out on that one. There were early studies that suggested a slightly higher risk of cancer but subsequent studies found no statistical difference. One study linked infertility (not IVF) to ovarian cancer.
Here are some abstracts:

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140673695916873

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140673699052034

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S147264831060689X

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0015028201029867

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute. There is more than infertility going on here.

Given this new information you received, you seem to no longer want a second child. Maybe you never did. If someone was posting here that she had changed her mind and no longer wanted a second child without giving a reason, we would all be supporting and s/he-who-wants-fewer-kids-wins-ing her.

You FIRST need to examine whether or not you want another kid. IF you do, you need to examine whether you are comfortable doing that with your own eggs or not, and then you and DH need to talk about that. He can not make you go through IVF, and doing it for him is a bad reason. If you are up for adoption or donor eggs, that seems a reasonable way to give him his wish of two kids; if he's not up for that OR for staying at 1, that's pretty unfair to you.

If you don't want the next kid, that's something you need to allow yourself to feel, even if it wasn't the plan.

+1. This lays out the decision-tree nicely. I'm not a fan when people bandy about donor egg on this forum, but if you want another child and don't want to go through the hormones yourself, then donor egg seems like an option. However, it's not clear that you even want a second child if it doesn't happen 100% naturally.

If you go straight to donor egg you could get a second child with minimal meds. The IVF process is really very easy if you are not trying to produce your own eggs.

What exactly is your AMH?

How do you know you're not ovulating? Progesterone test 3/4 way through cycle?

Are you using ovulation predictor strips?

I recently posted this on another thread but I have low ovarian reserve (.36 AMH) and I'm 38.5 yrs old, had my first kid at 36 on the first try. Had a miscarriage almost a year ago (first try too). We just got pregnant on our own after 10 months of trying! Was planning on doing IVF in November.

I did start taking COQ10 and I took DHEA for a few months too but backed off it since I read some controversial things. I have no idea if the COQ10 helped, as I haven't had AMH rechecked. I started taking extra vitamin D this summer as well.

Look into all of these things and learn more about IVF as well.

Wait a minute. There is more than infertility going on here.

Given this new information you received, you seem to no longer want a second child. Maybe you never did. If someone was posting here that she had changed her mind and no longer wanted a second child without giving a reason, we would all be supporting and s/he-who-wants-fewer-kids-wins-ing her.

You FIRST need to examine whether or not you want another kid. IF you do, you need to examine whether you are comfortable doing that with your own eggs or not, and then you and DH need to talk about that. He can not make you go through IVF, and doing it for him is a bad reason. If you are up for adoption or donor eggs, that seems a reasonable way to give him his wish of two kids; if he's not up for that OR for staying at 1, that's pretty unfair to you.

If you don't want the next kid, that's something you need to allow yourself to feel, even if it wasn't the plan.

I am DOR (diagnosed at 35), and I got pregnant on my own at 35.5, though it took two years, and tried on my own for a year for #2, and then did NC IVF.
How do you know that you aren't ovulating?
NC IVF was fairly non invasive, and the biggest problem with it as far as I was concerned was getting babysitting coverage for my 2 year old when I went in for monitoring appointments. They aren't long, but they are between 7-9 am, and sometimes it was hard to find a sitter as we don't have family in town.
NC IVF was considerably cheaper than regular IVF, and there are no hormone shots to take which I did not want to do for fear of cancer later on.