Anonymous
10/19/2015 16:56
Subject: Re:Please help me with my mom's funeral (catholic)
23:27, I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but you can offer advice that is less about you and more about helping those currently in need of compassion and kind words. You can give a heads up about possibly encountering difficult or insensitive priests without trashing someone's musical selections that are all Catholic Standards and not secular songs.
Anonymous
10/18/2015 23:27
Subject: Please help me with my mom's funeral (catholic)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:[quote=Anonymous]My father just passed away and we are getting ready to do all of this. My mom wants "Prayer of St Francis" and "Let There Be Peace on Earth". I would like "On Eagle's Wings". I really like "Here I Am, Lord", "Be Not Afraid", and "Be With Me, Lord" but I am worried I won't be able to keep it together.
To OP - the Catholic Church has taken a strong position on what kind of music is appropriate for a funeral (no more "Danny Boy"). The ones you list may be OK with the exception of "let there be peace on earth". You need to clear all songs with clergy in advance. Also the focus of the Mass is supposed to be the Mass so tributes or personal stories about the deceased are usually discouraged. The local priest or women's guild will be able to walk you through acceptable musical selections.
PP, this is not true at all. I grew up Catholic and we sang these all the time and not just at funerals. I am now a lapsed Catholic but my extended family still attend church and these songs are still sung. (My uncle died a couple of years ago and Danny Boy was the recessional "hymn.")
A funeral Mass for an individual is definitely about the individual. Yes, some times the priest eulogizes if they know the deceased, but there are definitely friends and families who speak at a funeral mass in a Catholic church. Certain churches may follow stricter rules about the kind of music played, but these are self-imposed by the pastor--not established church doctrine.
Please try to be helpful to people in crisis/grieving.
It's helpful to let people know what they might experience from entrenched Catholic priests so they can gird their loins. The parish priests who did my parents funerals were awful. Luckily I knew that in advance and didn't let their gross insensitivity wear me down. In once case, the priest told me I could do only do a eulogy if I kept it short because this was their busy time of year. In another case, the priest asked if there were out-of-towners, then spent about 10 minutes telling them about all the improvements that had been made to the church.
I'm glad I was prepared for such insensitivity.
Anonymous
10/18/2015 22:23
Subject: Please help me with my mom's funeral (catholic)
Anonymous wrote:My father just passed away and we are getting ready to do all of this. My mom wants "Prayer of St Francis" and "Let There Be Peace on Earth". I would like "On Eagle's Wings". I really like "Here I Am, Lord", "Be Not Afraid", and "Be With Me, Lord" but I am worried I won't be able to keep it together.
I love all the songs you chose:
From Gather (the hymnal of the Catholic Church)
http://www.giamusic.com/products/GatherComp_List2.cfm
729 Prayer of Peace (Song of St. Francis)
731 Let There Be Peace on Earth
611 On Eagle's Wings
686 Here I Am, Lord
608 Be Not Afraid
85 Psalm 91 - Be with Me
These are all pretty classic standards, but if you have difficulty finding any sheet music:
http://www.hymnary.org
For OP, this may also help you choose music for your mom and understand the format of the mass:
http://www.saintmarychurchfwb.org/music-for-catholic-funerals
http://www.stjudefw.org/liturgy/funerals.html
http://www.stanthonycatholic.org/catholic-songbook.htm
http://www.olmctempe.com/funeral-songs.php
Anonymous
10/18/2015 21:57
Subject: Please help me with my mom's funeral (catholic)
Anonymous wrote:[quote=Anonymous]My father just passed away and we are getting ready to do all of this. My mom wants "Prayer of St Francis" and "Let There Be Peace on Earth". I would like "On Eagle's Wings". I really like "Here I Am, Lord", "Be Not Afraid", and "Be With Me, Lord" but I am worried I won't be able to keep it together.
To OP - the Catholic Church has taken a strong position on what kind of music is appropriate for a funeral (no more "Danny Boy"). The ones you list may be OK with the exception of "let there be peace on earth". You need to clear all songs with clergy in advance. Also the focus of the Mass is supposed to be the Mass so tributes or personal stories about the deceased are usually discouraged. The local priest or women's guild will be able to walk you through acceptable musical selections.
PP, this is not true at all. I grew up Catholic and we sang these all the time and not just at funerals. I am now a lapsed Catholic but my extended family still attend church and these songs are still sung. (My uncle died a couple of years ago and Danny Boy was the recessional "hymn.")
A funeral Mass for an individual is definitely about the individual. Yes, some times the priest eulogizes if they know the deceased, but there are definitely friends and families who speak at a funeral mass in a Catholic church. Certain churches may follow stricter rules about the kind of music played, but these are self-imposed by the pastor--not established church doctrine.
Please try to be helpful to people in crisis/grieving.
Anonymous
10/18/2015 21:25
Subject: Please help me with my mom's funeral (catholic)
Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for all the suggestions. It is going to be a very small service. I have posted about my mom before (narrcisist) and she has isolated my dad from everyone but our immediate family. I am trying to be positive and let go of a lot of hurt feelings/incidents of the past and celebrate the life she gave me and the way she dedicated herself to my sister/brother and I when we were young. My questions re mostly about the viewing the night before. It sounds like the priest/mortuary will be able to help me plan that part. I wasnt sure if it was just a simple rosary/prayer service or more elaborate but it sounds like it can be whatever we want it to be.
To the pp whose father passed away, I am so very sorry. Sending prayers for you and your family.
If it is going to be very small, you can certainly keep the viewing short in time or even not have one at all. Sometimes its more upsetting to be alone there. Have a beautiful Mass and then a nice luncheon or something where you can all casually share memories and help your dad think positively and celebrate her life in a way positive for him.
Anonymous
10/18/2015 18:35
Subject: Please help me with my mom's funeral (catholic)
Thank you everyone for all the suggestions. It is going to be a very small service. I have posted about my mom before (narrcisist) and she has isolated my dad from everyone but our immediate family. I am trying to be positive and let go of a lot of hurt feelings/incidents of the past and celebrate the life she gave me and the way she dedicated herself to my sister/brother and I when we were young. My questions re mostly about the viewing the night before. It sounds like the priest/mortuary will be able to help me plan that part. I wasnt sure if it was just a simple rosary/prayer service or more elaborate but it sounds like it can be whatever we want it to be.
To the pp whose father passed away, I am so very sorry. Sending prayers for you and your family.
To the pp whose father passed away, I am so very sorry. Sending prayers for you and your family.
Anonymous
10/18/2015 17:10
Subject: Please help me with my mom's funeral (catholic)
Anonymous wrote:My mom is dying and it is a matter of weeks. My aunts have helped me with the readings and songs for the funeral mass, but I have never planned a vigil so have some questions. I am doing this from across the country which makes it difficult. My dads only request is that it is not depressing but a celebration of her life. For instance, I love the hymn Precious Lord, Take my Hand but I do not k ow if that is appropriate to sing at a vigil. Also, do we do a rosary in addition to the vigil service or is that done in place of ? I have seen that a lay person can lead if they know the order of service? What other things are usually included? Apologies if my post seems scattered, I am kind of a mess emotionally.
If you look, I'm a OP of a thread of a Catholic funeral that went wildly wrong. (My aunt's funeral--this was last week). Then there was a s/o about how to have a nicer one, where I posted something like this:
Do the burial right away, and have the MEMORIAL 1-2 months afterwards. Then you won't be dealing with the body, and coffins or urns, and also lots of the financial/estate aspects will be dealt with, or at least you'll have a game plan. Most importantly, people will be able to speak about the deceased without breaking into sobs. Finally, this allows time for making plane tickets and planning, and that means that the *right* sort of people show up--more of those that were close to the deceased, or to you--rather than just people who live nearby.
Anonymous
10/18/2015 17:02
Subject: Please help me with my mom's funeral (catholic)
[quote=Anonymous]My father just passed away and we are getting ready to do all of this. My mom wants "Prayer of St Francis" and "Let There Be Peace on Earth". I would like "On Eagle's Wings". I really like "Here I Am, Lord", "Be Not Afraid", and "Be With Me, Lord" but I am worried I won't be able to keep it together.
To OP - the Catholic Church has taken a strong position on what kind of music is appropriate for a funeral (no more "Danny Boy"). The ones you list may be OK with the exception of "let there be peace on earth". You need to clear all songs with clergy in advance. Also the focus of the Mass is supposed to be the Mass so tributes or personal stories about the deceased are usually discouraged. The local priest or women's guild will be able to walk you through acceptable musical selections.