Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think you are "stuck" in the anger part of grief over your father, and are redirecting that anger?

I am not going to judge you, because feelings are irrational sometimes. This hit home for you and that's probably where the fury comes in.

This.

Fury and questioning motives are emotionally driven responses OP - they aren't rational. You are grieving deeply. Just try to think about how you would respond differently if more time (much more) had passed since losing your dad, or if your brother had met this woman before he died, or if you had met her before she was diagnosed, or......

Also, don't assume that your brother or mother is grieving exactly as you are. We are all highly individual in how we experience and survive loss. It can be very hard to understand anyone else's reactions in these times.

My condolences on losing your Dad, and the freshness of that pain still for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have to ask whether strings would be attached something inside you knows they would.

Personally I would never except money as an adult unless there were an emergency. But then I come from an extreme strings attached background. I also don't come from wealthy people who have trust funds, which makes inter generational giving pretty common.

If you can't afford something on your own you just can't have it.

Ignore. This was meant for another thread and I don't know how to remove it

You can use the "report" button and ask Jeff to delete it for you.

Anonymous wrote:If you have to ask whether strings would be attached something inside you knows they would.

Personally I would never except money as an adult unless there were an emergency. But then I come from an extreme strings attached background. I also don't come from wealthy people who have trust funds, which makes inter generational giving pretty common.

If you can't afford something on your own you just can't have it.

Ignore. This was meant for another thread and I don't know how to remove it

If you have to ask whether strings would be attached something inside you knows they would.

Personally I would never except money as an adult unless there were an emergency. But then I come from an extreme strings attached background. I also don't come from wealthy people who have trust funds, which makes inter generational giving pretty common.

If you can't afford something on your own you just can't have it.

In my experience, you sometimes have to hold your "demons" close in order to overcome them. Let him exorcise this the way he needs to.

He's a grown man, it's not your place to question his choices or motives. Let him work this out on his own.

Wait, what? You are nuts.

This is said without snark:
I think you should worry less about your brother's motives and reflect on your own. Why is this so upsetting/frustrating to you? Parse this out before you destroy your own relationships.

I'm going to guess your brother fell in love. Coincidence that she has the same illness. Op, it's time for you to see a therapist. Your reaction is in many ways too inappropriate to take on without being cruel.

He loves her. It's not like he interviewed the woman first. Life happens. Maybe instead of being confused, get to know her and openly talk about your father and his cancer. Support her and your brother.

Op, for all you know he may met her from support group...gosh.

He's still working through that significant life event. There is a connection, a shared understanding of the disease perhaps.
From your reaction, no wonder he didn't invited her before now. Op, if it makes you feel better to know, yeah it's a little weird.
Remember "younger" brother is your equal, your peer. You have no special standing in this family because you are older.