Anonymous wrote:

Not OP. Know that when I am a MIL, I won't snoop around my children's homes, criticize their home keeping habits, or sniffing their underwear. Because I am sane and respectful of individuality and boundaries.

No, but you may unknowingly cross their boundaries. Their boundaries will not necessarily be yours.

Anonymous wrote:OP here: We do have the option of DD going to their house, She does have toys and things to do there. We will do that from now on and I wont say anything unless she asks why we dont want her in the house.
We wont let her back in by herself.

Good plan, OP!

Anonymous wrote:You, too, will be a MIL one day (hopefully)!

Not OP. Know that when I am a MIL, I won't snoop around my children's homes, criticize their home keeping habits, or sniffing their underwear. Because I am sane and respectful of individuality and boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:Try to put yourself in her place. It may not change your mind, but it can provide some balance, especially when you are stewing in the feeling of having been wronged.

Sorry, nope. There is no mind-set or empathetic excercise where SNIFFING SOMEONE ELSE'S UNDERWEAR will ever be OK.

Anonymous wrote:You, too, will be a MIL one day (hopefully)!

Not OP. But she'll be one who doesn't sniff underwear, though, I hope.

It's not normal to go into a grown person's room riffling through clothing for any reason. Zero. If you need something for some reason, call the adult first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfectly normal.

I'd hate to be a member of your family if that's what your "normal" is.

Some people have closer relationships with extended family than, apparently, most of the people posting here. There are pluses and minuses to both approaches.

BWAHAhahaha! My relationship with my extended family is great.

Now run along and sniff your MIL's underwear.

You, too, will be a MIL one day (hopefully)!

Try to put yourself in her place. It may not change your mind, but it can provide some balance, especially when you are stewing in the feeling of having been wronged.

OP here: We do have the option of DD going to their house, She does have toys and things to do there. We will do that from now on and I wont say anything unless she asks why we dont want her in the house.
We wont let her back in by herself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfectly normal.

I'd hate to be a member of your family if that's what your "normal" is.

Some people have closer relationships with extended family than, apparently, most of the people posting here. There are pluses and minuses to both approaches.

P.s. I cannot imagine banning a parent from babysitting over this, especially without any discussion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfectly normal.

I'd hate to be a member of your family if that's what your "normal" is.

Some people have closer relationships with extended family than, apparently, most of the people posting here. There are pluses and minuses to both approaches.

Not OK. Never invite her back unless it is a true emergency.

If she asks why, then yeah, tell her. If she balks, say "It's our house and that's how it's going to be."

I would not care.

Anonymous wrote:Perfectly normal.

I'd hate to be a member of your family if that's what your "normal" is.

My FiL put a hole in my wall once and added a cat door- without permission. He had one he liked so much he thought we would too. Never crossed his mind to ask. He truly thought he was doing us a favor. We had to be very clear from that point forward- but he still does stuff sometimes that make us go WTF. No sense of normal boundaries. But because we know he genuinely is doing it to be helpful we just try to be clear and assertive with our boundaries. Explaining rules we never have to explain to "normal" people.

Side note- our cats never used that stupid cat door and we had to pay to have it removed before selling our house.