Anonymous wrote:Well apparently my opinion means nothing to my son and his wife. After they turned down a VERY generous loan for their down payment, they went shopping and put in an offer. Sent my husband and I the link.

I don't think it is a good house, price or location! I used Google Earth to look at it. It looks like their neighbors have a big boat parked in their driveway. The interior carpets look shabby and paint colors need updating.

I don't understand why they won't accept the loan to make updates, at least. My other son accepted a generous loan and was grateful.

Any thoughts on why my generosity was denied? I feel like my DIL is hurrying this move just because it is 20 minutes further away.

Yes. You sound very self absorbed and shallow. I can only imagine if they took you up on your offer, what ypu would do next. Tell,them how to decorate?

Be proud at thier independence. This is not about you and your wants. It is about them

Maybe they want to make this house THEIR home OP and certainly changing flooring and painting walls isn't an earth shattering amount of time or money. Respect their wishes. Imagine if it was your MIL judging you back in the day

It's clear that your loan comes with a lot of strings attached. I'd turn it down, too. Congrats to them on their new house. Don't visit if you're planning on expressing your criticism out loud. Nobody is interested in your opinion of the house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's simply not your decision to make, mom.

No money is ever free. Your son knows that. YOU know that.

A shack bought with your own money, is better than a palace with loaned money.

It looks like your son grew up - good for him! Time for you to grow up more, and respect that you don't get to make decisions for your grown kids. You don't own them anymore.

My son took a loan from us for graduate school and now won't take a loan from us for the house. What has changed? Not my son...his wife. I think she's talking him into a bad choice and it hurts my heart.

Maybe it is his wife but don't speculate. This is how bad relationships start for no good reason. Be happy they want to go it alone. That's rare these days but admirable to me. We went it alone without financial help while my Dh's sister gets endless handouts and she's still a mess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's simply not your decision to make, mom.

No money is ever free. Your son knows that. YOU know that.

A shack bought with your own money, is better than a palace with loaned money.

It looks like your son grew up - good for him! Time for you to grow up more, and respect that you don't get to make decisions for your grown kids. You don't own them anymore.

My son took a loan from us for graduate school and now won't take a loan from us for the house. What has changed? Not my son...his wife. I think she's talking him into a bad choice and it hurts my heart.

That's a new complaint from a MIL: "my DIL isn't greedy enough! She pressured my son into buying a modest house!"

You raised an independent adult: that's great! Honor his independence and adulthood by assuming he is making a good choice for his family.

Since you don't see how that could be, you could ask. Try, "I don't know that location very well, DS. Tell me all about it! What drew you there?" Or, "It sure has been a long time since I've been in the market for a house. What do people look for these days?" If you get rebuffed, drop the subject permanently.

If things are going well, "I'm sure you'll decorate it so nicely. You know I'd love to give you money for your birthday if you have something in mind." Note I did not say "remodel" or "upgrade," just "decorate." But FYI, paint and carpet are nothing when buying a house: you pay for location and layout, and replacing the carpet is NBD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's simply not your decision to make, mom.

No money is ever free. Your son knows that. YOU know that.

A shack bought with your own money, is better than a palace with loaned money.

It looks like your son grew up - good for him! Time for you to grow up more, and respect that you don't get to make decisions for your grown kids. You don't own them anymore.

My son took a loan from us for graduate school and now won't take a loan from us for the house. What has changed? Not my son...his wife. I think she's talking him into a bad choice and it hurts my heart.

Right because the house belongs to both of them.

I think a lot of DIL's have stupid crazy nitpicky issues with their MILs, and tend to lean towards "team MIL" - but you are so very wrong on this issue.

It's not your house.

IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE.

Get over it.

I have a feeling you have a very particular definition of "I just want it to be nice."

Leave them alone. If you're real, you're the reason people have 2 hour commutes each way to live in McMansions in Ashburn.

Your son is independent and strong. He married a wan with good instincts.

Good for him, and good for you as a mom.

Now back off and stop pushing him and her away. Try to enjoy the son you raised without controlling his life. Do this way, way before they have kids or expect to rarely see them.

If you didn't pay for it you have no right to speculate on why they made their decision or whether it was a "good" decision. It was a good decision for them. Hell, if you don't like the house you don't even have to visit. Something tells me that they'll be just fine.

Anonymous wrote:It's simply not your decision to make, mom.

No money is ever free. Your son knows that. YOU know that.

A shack bought with your own money, is better than a palace with loaned money.

It looks like your son grew up - good for him! Time for you to grow up more, and respect that you don't get to make decisions for your grown kids. You don't own them anymore.

My son took a loan from us for graduate school and now won't take a loan from us for the house. What has changed? Not my son...his wife. I think she's talking him into a bad choice and it hurts my heart.

It's simply not your decision to make, mom.

No money is ever free. Your son knows that. YOU know that.

A shack bought with your own money, is better than a palace with loaned money.

It looks like your son grew up - good for him! Time for you to grow up more, and respect that you don't get to make decisions for your grown kids. You don't own them anymore.

Anonymous wrote:You have the right to not like it but please don't ever say that to them. My MIL told us on her first visit to our new forever home that she doesn't like the style etc etc. She was negative during her whole stay and put an awful pall over her whole stay, our excitement on moving in and that Christmas, the first in our home. Neither of us have gotten over it even though it's been two years. It's not yours, you didn't pay for it, so you don't count on this one.

I wouldn't tell them I don't like it, I just want them to use a gift available to them to make it nicer. I hate to think they are making a bad investment when they can use a family loan to buy something that is better and doesn't need so much work!

That's fantastic that you've raised an independent son. Congratulations! It's good that two adults are making the decision on what works for them. Keep in mind it probably won't be what you want because different people have different opinions. Be happy for your son and his family Op

Anonymous wrote:So you dont like the house you didnt help pay for?

Cool story, bro.

Lol!