Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whats the obsession with "dates" ? When We were kids we just ran around with the neighborhood kids. It was free and easy and so ideal. My working mom never stressed about which kid Id invite or what snacks to put out, whether she'd have to stay and awkwardly talk with the other mom. Ah, the 80s. Signed, born in 76

We all get it. The problem is that kids are all very over scheduled these days. Everything has to be planned. Even if you're not a parent of an overscheduled kid, chances are that most of your child's friends are over scheduled which makes it necessary to plan play dates.

No it has to do with working parents. Most kids do not have a parent home after school to let them go off and play.

No the parents are home on the weekends but may not encourage the kids to play outside.

Because everyone works or is at daycare all week and no one knows each other. Plus parents make up for the lack of parenting they do all weekend by over-structuring sports and other activities all weekend long. They aren't home then either. Gone are the days of neighborhood knowing each other, kids playing outside, Moms gardening and Dads mowing. Where people stop by and say hi. Now we plan everything and pay people to take care of our homes/lawns so we can spend more money on more activities. THAT is being a good parent and family these days.

I don't like the planning involved--or commitment to play dates---or having to drive and pick kids up, etc.

Fortunately- our neighborhood is filled with kids so they are very spontaneous-and can fit in even if only a short time is available. Both of my kids have friends that are very close by in the neighborhood. We also will sometimes meet up at the park, etc.

My older son has one close friend that is a short drive away and we usually trade off the day he doesn't have sports. They will go home with one another from school and then get picked up by the mom, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are in aftercare. This also may explain why you don't mind the homework situation that you hear SAHPs complain about because you don't ever deal with it. Different issues for different families depending on schedules. When would you have a playdate? 7pm?

My kids are in aftercare 3 days a week until 5:30. I still deal with homework.

Your kids are in aftercare. This also may explain why you don't mind the homework situation that you hear SAHPs complain about because you don't ever deal with it. Different issues for different families depending on schedules. When would you have a playdate? 7pm?

Seems to me it all depends on location, neighborhood, and general community (plus individual family choices). So really, is there any one model of "normal" for this? If what your'e doing works great for you and your family, I don't understand why you'd worry about it.

We do not live in a neighborhood where kids are just out in the street or in backyards and can just hang out together. That's how I grew up, but that's not wher we live, there aren't even that many kids on our block. And both parents work FOH so we are a bit more structured about getting the kids together with the kids at school they like the most. Plus these days, even the K and 1st grade kids make their own playdates LOL! They have learned to give each other their parents' phone numbers and my kids ask me to call, so when I can I do and talk to the parents. We usually meet at a playground first, and it's even better when it means we get to know new parents we enjoy hanging out with.

So playdates are a way of socializing, but never the only way. If what you're doing works for you, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Us, without playdates, there'd be very limited social time so we do them. Birthday parties are also a place where we end up making playdates too.

I think a lot depends on whether your neighborhood lends itself to kids free-ranging it outside.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whats the obsession with "dates" ? When We were kids we just ran around with the neighborhood kids. It was free and easy and so ideal. My working mom never stressed about which kid Id invite or what snacks to put out, whether she'd have to stay and awkwardly talk with the other mom. Ah, the 80s. Signed, born in 76

We all get it. The problem is that kids are all very over scheduled these days. Everything has to be planned. Even if you're not a parent of an overscheduled kid, chances are that most of your child's friends are over scheduled which makes it necessary to plan play dates.

No it has to do with working parents. Most kids do not have a parent home after school to let them go off and play.

No the parents are home on the weekends but may not encourage the kids to play outside.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whats the obsession with "dates" ? When We were kids we just ran around with the neighborhood kids. It was free and easy and so ideal. My working mom never stressed about which kid Id invite or what snacks to put out, whether she'd have to stay and awkwardly talk with the other mom. Ah, the 80s. Signed, born in 76

We all get it. The problem is that kids are all very over scheduled these days. Everything has to be planned. Even if you're not a parent of an overscheduled kid, chances are that most of your child's friends are over scheduled which makes it necessary to plan play dates.

No it has to do with working parents. Most kids do not have a parent home after school to let them go off and play.

Anonymous wrote:I feel so much better after reading this. We live in a neighborhood where the original homeowners still live. Many seniors. We are in our forties. I feel bad we did not realize the lack of young families in or development.

This is how our immediate surround blocks are too. Still my oldest has found two friends to "hang out" with (too old for playdates). My youngest is super social and started arranging her own playdates in grade school. My middle child is a introvert and has never, ever had a play date. We offer, he declines.

Anonymous wrote:Whats the obsession with "dates" ? When We were kids we just ran around with the neighborhood kids. It was free and easy and so ideal. My working mom never stressed about which kid Id invite or what snacks to put out, whether she'd have to stay and awkwardly talk with the other mom. Ah, the 80s. Signed, born in 76

We all get it. The problem is that kids are all very over scheduled these days. Everything has to be planned. Even if you're not a parent of an overscheduled kid, chances are that most of your child's friends are over scheduled which makes it necessary to plan play dates.

Whats the obsession with "dates" ? When We were kids we just ran around with the neighborhood kids. It was free and easy and so ideal. My working mom never stressed about which kid Id invite or what snacks to put out, whether she'd have to stay and awkwardly talk with the other mom. Ah, the 80s. Signed, born in 76

Anonymous wrote:If your kids play with neighbor kids, those count as play dates.

No, play dates are planned 1-3hr events that the moms have to coordinate.

your kid running out the door saying "bye mom" and coming home after going to the playground, biking, playing basketball in the cup de sac with various kids is not a play date. It is normal old-school playing.

I haven't seen any kids my sons age around where we live, so I try to have him invite friends over. His one friend comes over about every few weeks and he goes to that friends house every few weeks, but he doesn't have as many play dates as I'd like him to. I think he's too shy to invite people over.

If your kids play with neighbor kids, those count as play dates.

I feel so much better after reading this. We live in a neighborhood where the original homeowners still live. Many seniors. We are in our forties. I feel bad we did not realize the lack of young families in or development.