Anonymous
10/05/2015 11:37
Subject: What's the role of grandparents?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Be thankful your children have them and embrace them. DD has none and it makes her so sad.
My child is too young to understand what he is missing, but it completely wrecks me.
Dramatic much? I never had/knew grandparents. Life didn't suck as a result.
Heartless much? It is more than understandable to mourn the loss of parents and in-laws. She never said that "life sucks," she said it makes her daughter sad, and that it is difficult for her.
Anonymous
10/05/2015 11:36
Subject: Re:What's the role of grandparents?
Anonymous wrote:Ideally:
Be another set of people who love your child unconditionally.
Be a safe place where children feel loved and cared for.
Be additional role models for children to admire and learn from throughout their lives.
Be a support system for the parents. (Which can be in the form of advice, financial support, babysitting, etc.. whatever they are capable and willing to do)
Financial support?! You shouldn't have had children of you need financial help. Babysitting once in a blue moon, but never on any kind of schedule.
Anonymous
10/05/2015 11:35
Subject: What's the role of grandparents?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:-Advice to parents *only when asked,* and no transparent, passive-aggressive hints
-general admirer/playmate/positive presence; no disciplining if the parent is right there and us already on top of it!
-let the parents know what the rules are in your house, but let them enforce them. Step in only if needed. Do not dream of making up rules for their house.
-offer to help, but if the offer is declined, just relax
-if asked for help, do what is being asked, not what YOU think would be helpful!
-invite to your house as often as you wish; don't invite yourself to their house/announce you are coming!
Ridiculous.
"Ridiculous."--Over-Stepping Grandma
Anonymous
10/05/2015 11:33
Subject: What's the role of grandparents?
Anonymous wrote:-Advice to parents *only when asked,* and no transparent, passive-aggressive hints
-general admirer/playmate/positive presence; no disciplining if the parent is right there and us already on top of it!
-let the parents know what the rules are in your house, but let them enforce them. Step in only if needed. Do not dream of making up rules for their house.
-offer to help, but if the offer is declined, just relax
-if asked for help, do what is being asked, not what YOU think would be helpful!
-invite to your house as often as you wish; don't invite yourself to their house/announce you are coming!
Ridiculous.
Anonymous
10/05/2015 10:05
Subject: Re:What's the role of grandparents?
Just being themselves? I have low expectations of grandparents as grandparents since we didn't live close to mine. My parents are super busy but love to see DD as often as possible, whether we go to them or they come to us. It's a mix of both. Dh's parents live a bit closer and offer help a lot. We should take them up on it more, it just takes some planning. I respect that all 4 of them have busy lives and already did their childcare duties. I have zero expectations that they'd help us as anything other than a gift/favor.
Anonymous
10/05/2015 09:19
Subject: Re:What's the role of grandparents?
Ideally:
Be another set of people who love your child unconditionally.
Be a safe place where children feel loved and cared for.
Be additional role models for children to admire and learn from throughout their lives.
Be a support system for the parents. (Which can be in the form of advice, financial support, babysitting, etc.. whatever they are capable and willing to do)
Be another set of people who love your child unconditionally.
Be a safe place where children feel loved and cared for.
Be additional role models for children to admire and learn from throughout their lives.
Be a support system for the parents. (Which can be in the form of advice, financial support, babysitting, etc.. whatever they are capable and willing to do)
Anonymous
10/05/2015 09:14
Subject: What's the role of grandparents?
My ideal:
-Lives in the same city.
-picks kids up from school occasionally
-plans sleepovers occasionally so that parents can get a night out
-hosts a Sunday night dinner (I have fond memories of Sunday night fried chicken at the grandparent's house)
-Lives in the same city.
-picks kids up from school occasionally
-plans sleepovers occasionally so that parents can get a night out
-hosts a Sunday night dinner (I have fond memories of Sunday night fried chicken at the grandparent's house)
Anonymous
10/05/2015 09:11
Subject: What's the role of grandparents?
Another family member that reinforces to kids that relationships can be very different from family to family and shouldn't be generalized.
Anonymous
10/05/2015 07:38
Subject: What's the role of grandparents?
Ideally, a grandparent forges a loving relationship that comes out of, but is independent of the parents. It is a special relationship and bond, but one that is formed only through spending time with the children. There really is no substitute for that. Letters and presents are great, but if you want a strong bond, the kids and the grandparents need to spend time getting to know each other. That doesn't happen if the grandparents can't or don't invest the time and energy; or if the parents prevent that relationship from developing.
Anonymous
10/05/2015 05:49
Subject: What's the role of grandparents?
I think the biggest role should be not forgetting the kid has parents.
My MIL has to be reminded of that regularly.
My MIL has to be reminded of that regularly.
Anonymous
10/05/2015 05:47
Subject: What's the role of grandparents?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Be thankful your children have them and embrace them. DD has none and it makes her so sad.
My child is too young to understand what he is missing, but it completely wrecks me.
Dramatic much? I never had/knew grandparents. Life didn't suck as a result.
Anonymous
10/05/2015 05:39
Subject: What's the role of grandparents?
NP and I wonder this too. I had no grandparents in my life growing up so it feels strange to have in laws who want to be involved. I'm learning to manage the difference between their expectations (constant presence) and my husband's and mind (way less presence). (My husband has no angst about this.)
Anonymous
10/04/2015 22:44
Subject: What's the role of grandparents?
Anonymous wrote:-Advice to parents *only when asked,* and no transparent, passive-aggressive hints
-general admirer/playmate/positive presence; no disciplining if the parent is right there and us already on top of it!
-let the parents know what the rules are in your house, but let them enforce them. Step in only if needed. Do not dream of making up rules for their house.
-offer to help, but if the offer is declined, just relax
-if asked for help, do what is being asked, not what YOU think would be helpful!
-invite to your house as often as you wish; don't invite yourself to their house/announce you are coming!
Yes! No unannounced drop ins. I could divorce over this, only half joking.
Anonymous
10/04/2015 22:23
Subject: What's the role of grandparents?
I think this is a good question, primarily because it's so frustrating to deal with grandparents at times! I love my kids' grandparents on both sides and know my kids love them and benefits from having them around. But one side (inlaws) is way too involved in everything and thinks it's their job to raise our kid. The other side (my family) is only involved if we invite them, which is nice but not really proactive enough to create a solid relationship in the way that would be ideal.
Anonymous
10/04/2015 22:11
Subject: What's the role of grandparents?
Anonymous wrote:-Advice to parents *only when asked,* and no transparent, passive-aggressive hints
-general admirer/playmate/positive presence; no disciplining if the parent is right there and us already on top of it!
-let the parents know what the rules are in your house, but let them enforce them. Step in only if needed. Do not dream of making up rules for their house.
-offer to help, but if the offer is declined, just relax
-if asked for help, do what is being asked, not what YOU think would be helpful!
-invite to your house as often as you wish; don't invite yourself to their house/announce you are coming!
Or decline if you have plans (or even if you don't), because you have your own life too. You don't need to be at the beck and call of other people's children. You raised yours.