Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 10:44     Subject: Re:20 years Older
Anonymous wrote:most likely a fake post in response to the several recent post about men dating younger women. Probably one the bitter ones that calls it creepy trying to get attention.



I'm a new poster, but this is definitely not a fake post! Don't need attention, just advice! Hope that you have a great one!
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 10:42     Subject: 20 years Older
I kind of think you're trolling on the back of the 9 page thread about spouses with age differences but if you're not, the problem isn't that he's 20 years older it's that he's a dick.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 10:40     Subject: Re:20 years Older
most likely a fake post in response to the several recent post about men dating younger women. Probably one the bitter ones that calls it creepy trying to get attention.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 10:38     Subject: 20 years Older
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow. I'm your husband's age (early 50's) and no way am I that "old".

You sound as though you are talking about a difficult elderly dad.


I'm PP @8:35 and no, it's not "difficult elderly dad" - it's insecure controlling asshole. He could very easily be her age and pull the same shit. What you see with these age differentials, is that oftentimes these controlling assholes (and there are plenty of women among them - see the guy in the "My Wife Hates Me" thread") choose inexperienced (younger) partners who don't recognize and call them out on their BS (or their real peers just won't have anything to do with them), and aren't equipped to stand up to it.

I'm an older (mid-40s) guy with a brand new younger DW (mid-30s) and our first child (both of us) ever, and I'm as (or more) youthful than DW. We also both have learned from our pasts being with abusive|user controlling people to not put up with BS from each other (and neither of us is really insecure and controlling).


Where are you seeing "abusive" in the Op's posts? The yogurt thing is - annoying and know it all-sh. The yelling about leaving insurance/registration info on the table at home during a traffic stop - it's actually kind of understandable why he was irritated that his wife had left those important papers at home.

Even the Op points to age as the reason for this guy being irritable.




Please keep in mind, that the wife left those papers at home because the wife went into labor and was not driving prior to because I was shopping/switching insurance. The fact that he wouldn't accept that he would have never gotten pulled over had he not being backing up a one way street!!! That's the illegal act that cause him to get stop! The police never asked for the insurance information.


Yes. I get it, these things happen. He was likely stressed (as most people would be) by being pulled over and felt thrown off/embarrassed by it. Not having the papers just increased his anxiety.

Has he always been like this or is this a personality change? Did he used to be more laid backand considerate, accepting of your friends/family? Or has he always been like this?



No way!!!! If it started like this I would have been out of it long ago! He use to be much more laid back. Although he never really liked when I would go out with my friends. My solution to that was suggesting that he took me out. We use to always go out in the beginning. I often look back at photos and trinkets and wonder what the hell happen. He is at work allll day! I have dinner prepared. Some times he may come in the house and say that he had meat for lunch and if I cooked meat he won't eat. Like that's rude and inconsiderate. I talk to you throughout the day, so you have the chance to give me a heads up on what you've had for lunch. Just selfish- and self absorbed!
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 10:31     Subject: 20 years Older
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Where are you seeing "abusive" in the Op's posts? The yogurt thing is - annoying and know it all-sh. The yelling about leaving insurance/registration info on the table at home during a traffic stop - it's actually kind of understandable why he was irritated that his wife had left those important papers at home.


Yelling at her because he got busted by the cops is abusive, full stop. He has nobody to blame but himself for getting pulled over, whether or not she made a mistake leaving insurance and registration on a counter. The cops almost never write tickets for that stuff unless you have committed some other infraction to get you pulled over in the first place, and even then, only when something is wrong with the registration (which they call in regardless). He screwed up; he caused the problem; he took the wrong turn and then he engaged in the moving violation. He's angry and unhappy about the encounter with the police for which he is at fault and he's blaming her for leaving papers at home on the counter. This is wildly inappropriate.

Policing the amount of sugar in the yogurt she likes is so over the top I don't know where to begin - if you don't see that as micromanaging, then you've got boundary issues of your own. Taken one at a time, these incidents are perhaps minor and should be let go, but when they form a pattern of general behavior and interaction, they become abusive and controlling.




Just reading this brought instant tears to my eyes
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 10:24     Subject: 20 years Older
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow. I'm your husband's age (early 50's) and no way am I that "old".

You sound as though you are talking about a difficult elderly dad.


I'm PP @8:35 and no, it's not "difficult elderly dad" - it's insecure controlling asshole. He could very easily be her age and pull the same shit. What you see with these age differentials, is that oftentimes these controlling assholes (and there are plenty of women among them - see the guy in the "My Wife Hates Me" thread") choose inexperienced (younger) partners who don't recognize and call them out on their BS (or their real peers just won't have anything to do with them), and aren't equipped to stand up to it.

I'm an older (mid-40s) guy with a brand new younger DW (mid-30s) and our first child (both of us) ever, and I'm as (or more) youthful than DW. We also both have learned from our pasts being with abusive|user controlling people to not put up with BS from each other (and neither of us is really insecure and controlling).


Where are you seeing "abusive" in the Op's posts? The yogurt thing is - annoying and know it all-sh. The yelling about leaving insurance/registration info on the table at home during a traffic stop - it's actually kind of understandable why he was irritated that his wife had left those important papers at home.

Even the Op points to age as the reason for this guy being irritable.




Please keep in mind, that the wife left those papers at home because the wife went into labor and was not driving prior to because I was shopping/switching insurance. The fact that he wouldn't accept that he would have never gotten pulled over had he not being backing up a one way street!!! That's the illegal act that cause him to get stop! The police never asked for the insurance information.


Yes. I get it, these things happen. He was likely stressed (as most people would be) by being pulled over and felt thrown off/embarrassed by it. Not having the papers just increased his anxiety.

Has he always been like this or is this a personality change? Did he used to be more laid backand considerate, accepting of your friends/family? Or has he always been like this?
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 10:07     Subject: 20 years Older
Anonymous wrote:Where are you seeing "abusive" in the Op's posts? The yogurt thing is - annoying and know it all-sh. The yelling about leaving insurance/registration info on the table at home during a traffic stop - it's actually kind of understandable why he was irritated that his wife had left those important papers at home.


Yelling at her because he got busted by the cops is abusive, full stop. He has nobody to blame but himself for getting pulled over, whether or not she made a mistake leaving insurance and registration on a counter. The cops almost never write tickets for that stuff unless you have committed some other infraction to get you pulled over in the first place, and even then, only when something is wrong with the registration (which they call in regardless). He screwed up; he caused the problem; he took the wrong turn and then he engaged in the moving violation. He's angry and unhappy about the encounter with the police for which he is at fault and he's blaming her for leaving papers at home on the counter. This is wildly inappropriate.

Policing the amount of sugar in the yogurt she likes is so over the top I don't know where to begin - if you don't see that as micromanaging, then you've got boundary issues of your own. Taken one at a time, these incidents are perhaps minor and should be let go, but when they form a pattern of general behavior and interaction, they become abusive and controlling.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 10:02     Subject: 20 years Older
Anonymous wrote:This isn't about age, it's about incompatibility. If you're in your 30s it means your DH is in his fifties. My DH is 14 years older than me and in his 60s now, and wouldn't do a single one of these things - if anyone's likely to nag, it's me. So if you're in a bad place, look at the actual issues. Sounds like you either need counseling, or you have to decide to do the only thing you control - staying or leaving.



Yes, OP. everything you mentioned could have come out of my ex-husband's mouth, and he is roughly 2 years younger than I am. Hey, if you want to stay married, there's a lot to work on. I've read some excellent advice on DCUM for dealing with a hyper-critical spouse. Please look into that. Braver souls than I have worked with their spouse to turn down the volume on that behavior. If this nastiness is new, do you think DH is going through the male version of the change of life? He is in a very different stage. Is there a way to reconcile his increased agitation with his encounter with middle age? This is clearly HIS problem. Is there any way that you can help support him through this change? Maybe taking it from that perspective could remove the burden, the idea that any of this is somehow your fault?
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 10:00     Subject: 20 years Older
Anonymous wrote:How long have you been married?


4 years
Together 5 1/2 years
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 09:59     Subject: 20 years Older
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow. I'm your husband's age (early 50's) and no way am I that "old".

You sound as though you are talking about a difficult elderly dad.


I'm PP @8:35 and no, it's not "difficult elderly dad" - it's insecure controlling asshole. He could very easily be her age and pull the same shit. What you see with these age differentials, is that oftentimes these controlling assholes (and there are plenty of women among them - see the guy in the "My Wife Hates Me" thread") choose inexperienced (younger) partners who don't recognize and call them out on their BS (or their real peers just won't have anything to do with them), and aren't equipped to stand up to it.

I'm an older (mid-40s) guy with a brand new younger DW (mid-30s) and our first child (both of us) ever, and I'm as (or more) youthful than DW. We also both have learned from our pasts being with abusive|user controlling people to not put up with BS from each other (and neither of us is really insecure and controlling).


Where are you seeing "abusive" in the Op's posts? The yogurt thing is - annoying and know it all-sh. The yelling about leaving insurance/registration info on the table at home during a traffic stop - it's actually kind of understandable why he was irritated that his wife had left those important papers at home.

Even the Op points to age as the reason for this guy being irritable.




Please keep in mind, that the wife left those papers at home because the wife went into labor and was not driving prior to because I was shopping/switching insurance. The fact that he wouldn't accept that he would have never gotten pulled over had he not being backing up a one way street!!! That's the illegal act that cause him to get stop! The police never asked for the insurance information.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 09:57     Subject: 20 years Older
How long have you been married?
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 09:51     Subject: Re:20 years Older
Anonymous wrote:Divorce, probably. But don't write all of us older guys off. I became a dad for the first time at 50 with my wife, who is 36. I am a late bloomer. It's a cliche, but having a young kid keeps me young.



Sweet!
Yes- I'm so over it. He is so predictible that it makes me cringe!

Him: Hunny where would like to go for dinner?
Me: I'm pretty flexible, I didn't have lunch today!
Him: Ok pick something!
Me: Sette
Him: ahh that place is so passé..

Smh.... Sorry for the rant!
Why push me to suggest a place to eat, when you truly have in your head where you really want to go, and you are merely getting a kick out of declining every place I suggest! I go through this every time we go out!!!!!

I'm so done.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 09:27     Subject: 20 years Older
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow. I'm your husband's age (early 50's) and no way am I that "old".

You sound as though you are talking about a difficult elderly dad.


I'm PP @8:35 and no, it's not "difficult elderly dad" - it's insecure controlling asshole. He could very easily be her age and pull the same shit. What you see with these age differentials, is that oftentimes these controlling assholes (and there are plenty of women among them - see the guy in the "My Wife Hates Me" thread") choose inexperienced (younger) partners who don't recognize and call them out on their BS (or their real peers just won't have anything to do with them), and aren't equipped to stand up to it.

I'm an older (mid-40s) guy with a brand new younger DW (mid-30s) and our first child (both of us) ever, and I'm as (or more) youthful than DW. We also both have learned from our pasts being with abusive|user controlling people to not put up with BS from each other (and neither of us is really insecure and controlling).


Where are you seeing "abusive" in the Op's posts? The yogurt thing is - annoying and know it all-sh. The yelling about leaving insurance/registration info on the table at home during a traffic stop - it's actually kind of understandable why he was irritated that his wife had left those important papers at home.

Even the Op points to age as the reason for this guy being irritable.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 09:02     Subject: 20 years Older
Anonymous wrote:Wow. I'm your husband's age (early 50's) and no way am I that "old".

You sound as though you are talking about a difficult elderly dad.


I'm PP @8:35 and no, it's not "difficult elderly dad" - it's insecure controlling asshole. He could very easily be her age and pull the same shit. What you see with these age differentials, is that oftentimes these controlling assholes (and there are plenty of women among them - see the guy in the "My Wife Hates Me" thread") choose inexperienced (younger) partners who don't recognize and call them out on their BS (or their real peers just won't have anything to do with them), and aren't equipped to stand up to it.

I'm an older (mid-40s) guy with a brand new younger DW (mid-30s) and our first child (both of us) ever, and I'm as (or more) youthful than DW. We also both have learned from our pasts being with abusive|user controlling people to not put up with BS from each other (and neither of us is really insecure and controlling).
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2015 08:52     Subject: Re:20 years Older
Divorce, probably. But don't write all of us older guys off. I became a dad for the first time at 50 with my wife, who is 36. I am a late bloomer. It's a cliche, but having a young kid keeps me young.