So you don't raise your child Jewish b/c of a bar mitzvah? Ridiculous. Have a small luncheon of something simple at the temple afterward - a nice oneg.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Sorry. A shitty, cheap one for 10k is doable. But not a good, fun one. I'm sorry.

Ugh. This is exactly why I'm not raising my Jewish children in a synagogue. This "necessary party" for a right of passage is such a show off for the parents. Makes me sick.

This is exactly why we aren't raising our kids Jewish. They can pick a religion of choice on their own free will. Pushing years of Tuesday Hebrew school to pay 50K on a party, all for what? So they can go to temple once a year? I hated it growing up. I wasn't fascinated with anything about it but what dress I would wear. I don't believe in forcing beliefs onto our kids. Hebrew school is forced. So is CCD in Catholics. So is Sunday school in Protestants. Not one kid wants to be there.

You are so progressive! Pat your self on the back!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Sorry. A shitty, cheap one for 10k is doable. But not a good, fun one. I'm sorry.

Ugh. This is exactly why I'm not raising my Jewish children in a synagogue. This "necessary party" for a right of passage is such a show off for the parents. Makes me sick.

This is exactly why we aren't raising our kids Jewish. They can pick a religion of choice on their own free will. Pushing years of Tuesday Hebrew school to pay 50K on a party, all for what? So they can go to temple once a year? I hated it growing up. I wasn't fascinated with anything about it but what dress I would wear. I don't believe in forcing beliefs onto our kids. Hebrew school is forced. So is CCD in Catholics. So is Sunday school in Protestants. Not one kid wants to be there.

Pp here. Hit send by accident.

Just to finish, I was saying, the whole Hebrew class invite could just be a religious, community acknowledgment. It's impossible to be close friends with or even know that many kids that you only see a few hours a week,

At our synagogue, the requirement to invite the whole Hebrew school class just extends to the service and Oneg afterwards. Many people have a much smaller dinner for family and close friends later in the evening.

The Hebrew school kids are required to go to a certain number of services anyhow, so many would show up regardless and the invitation is rather pro forma. Certainly there are no gifts involved from the classmates! The Oneg can be very simple. Some people go all out with bagels, fixings, salads, and desserts. Some just do sweet trays.

My point being, do you have to invite the whole class to everything?

*sorry previous post a bit garbled. I meant to say "mix it up" not "biz it up." And to be clear I have not been to a bm at Micah yet - I am referring to recent bms at other synagogues and in other cities.

Can someone name a DC area reform synagogue where spending 20k plus is not norm/where people biz things up more? I am considering starting my 5 yo at temple Micah. In general I dread the bm scene. Every party I've been to in recent years struck me as not teaching great lessons about money, what matters, etc--no matter how meaningful the religious component of things may have been, and notwithstanding he obvious value of having ones nearest and dearest gather.... I would love to hear destinations of actual celebrations that did not involve Djs and overpriced dinners. I would love to do something more like lung at the synagogue, a smaller dinner for the very nearest and dearest and maybe spent the saved money on a trip to Israel or some sort of giving or service.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it somewhere other than the synagogue, like a laser tag place or a trampoline gym. Then you can do a dessert buffet and pizza or falafel.

I'm trying to picture all those elderly relatives enjoying their kosher meal in one of those laser tag party rooms. They don't look like they're enjoying themselves.

They hang out in the party room.
You can also do a lunch right after the service which won't require a DJ and can be buffet, cutting down on costs. The party at night can be for kids only.

Anonymous wrote:Do it somewhere other than the synagogue, like a laser tag place or a trampoline gym. Then you can do a dessert buffet and pizza or falafel.

I'm trying to picture all those elderly relatives enjoying their kosher meal in one of those laser tag party rooms. They don't look like they're enjoying themselves.

My relative's BM was at our local pool club. Very low-key. Kids went swimming. I'm sure it was way less than $10K. And it was really fun.

Kosher caterer will eat up a lot of your budget - they charge way more. I think it's a waste, but I'm not observant.

Do it somewhere other than the synagogue, like a laser tag place or a trampoline gym. Then you can do a dessert buffet and pizza or falafel.

We're planning one right now for about 100 or so people and I'd hoped to do it for 10K too, but I think the cheapest we can do is 15K and still have all of the typical entertainment, give-aways, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, at our synagogue everyone invites the whole Hebrew School class

That is crazy. If the class was 20 kids I suppose I could see it, but you are "required" to invite 75 kids??? What synagogue is this? Not in the DC area for sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our synagogue anything goes. You don't need to do a fancy party.

But will the parents be rude about you behind your back? That is the question.

Not at our synagogue. It's very down to earth.

I think your price point is stuck on the kosher requirement. Can you just do deli trays and desserts?