Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 17:09     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
My dad married his third wife when he was 43 and she was 26. It worked out about as well as his first two marriages. I found it profoundly creepy at the time. I was 19 and he seemed incredibly old for her.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 17:06     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have friend who was 25 and married 37 year old. Now she's 37 and he's 49 and we always remark how old he looks. 40s are tough genetically on men.


x2. Things seem to hold up until 40 and then it's downhill fast...


Well, in that case, at age 37, she's right behind him.

Genetics are kinder to some than others.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 17:04     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My aunt was 25 when she married her 40 yo husband. They had 3 kids. She's now 55, he's 70. The difference is stark. She's full of pep and he's really slowed down. She doesn't have to take care of him, at least not yet. She knows that she will likely have a great many years alone, and feels sad about it often.


This is why I refused to date someone significantly older than me. My husband is 3 years older than me, and I like the fact that we're aging at roughly the same pace.


And yet you could find out tomorrow that you have MS or Parkinsons or leukemia and then it wouldn't matter how similarly you were aging. Any spouse can get sick at any time. It is the price we ALL pay when we commit to someone else. To care for them in sickness, no matter how old or how long.


*sigh*

Yes, obviously this is a risk we all take, and should it happen, I will embrace the life we can have together. But there's a difference between accepting it as a risk and deciding to sign up for it as a near-certainty.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 17:03     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
Anonymous wrote:My aunt was 25 when she married her 40 yo husband. They had 3 kids. She's now 55, he's 70. The difference is stark. She's full of pep and he's really slowed down. She doesn't have to take care of him, at least not yet. She knows that she will likely have a great many years alone, and feels sad about it often.


Sad, and I think that happens to many with such a giant age gap, particularly women who marry up since men tend to age faster.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 17:01     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
Anonymous wrote:We have friend who was 25 and married 37 year old. Now she's 37 and he's 49 and we always remark how old he looks. 40s are tough genetically on men.


x2. Things seem to hold up until 40 and then it's downhill fast...
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 16:59     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My aunt was 25 when she married her 40 yo husband. They had 3 kids. She's now 55, he's 70. The difference is stark. She's full of pep and he's really slowed down. She doesn't have to take care of him, at least not yet. She knows that she will likely have a great many years alone, and feels sad about it often.


This is why I refused to date someone significantly older than me. My husband is 3 years older than me, and I like the fact that we're aging at roughly the same pace.


And yet you could find out tomorrow that you have MS or Parkinsons or leukemia and then it wouldn't matter how similarly you were aging. Any spouse can get sick at any time. It is the price we ALL pay when we commit to someone else. To care for them in sickness, no matter how old or how long.


This.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 16:56     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My aunt was 25 when she married her 40 yo husband. They had 3 kids. She's now 55, he's 70. The difference is stark. She's full of pep and he's really slowed down. She doesn't have to take care of him, at least not yet. She knows that she will likely have a great many years alone, and feels sad about it often.


This is why I refused to date someone significantly older than me. My husband is 3 years older than me, and I like the fact that we're aging at roughly the same pace.


And yet you could find out tomorrow that you have MS or Parkinsons or leukemia and then it wouldn't matter how similarly you were aging. Any spouse can get sick at any time. It is the price we ALL pay when we commit to someone else. To care for them in sickness, no matter how old or how long.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 16:48     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
Anonymous wrote:My aunt was 25 when she married her 40 yo husband. They had 3 kids. She's now 55, he's 70. The difference is stark. She's full of pep and he's really slowed down. She doesn't have to take care of him, at least not yet. She knows that she will likely have a great many years alone, and feels sad about it often.


This is why I refused to date someone significantly older than me. My husband is 3 years older than me, and I like the fact that we're aging at roughly the same pace.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 16:47     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
i know someone whose 37 and married a 22 yr old. I think it's odd. I don't get it to be honest.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 16:45     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My aunt was 25 when she married her 40 yo husband. They had 3 kids. She's now 55, he's 70. The difference is stark. She's full of pep and he's really slowed down. She doesn't have to take care of him, at least not yet. She knows that she will likely have a great many years alone, and feels sad about it often.


Not to take this thread to a dark place but I've thought about this a lot and have decided going out together is the way to do it.

Sucks, but that's the price of admission to my marriage and I don't regret it.


How does that fix anything? So the 55 year old should not just sacrifice her active years to caring for her older husband, but then should kill herself when he dies and lose the rest of her active years as well? Or should they both just kill themselves now?
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 16:43     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
Anonymous wrote:My aunt was 25 when she married her 40 yo husband. They had 3 kids. She's now 55, he's 70. The difference is stark. She's full of pep and he's really slowed down. She doesn't have to take care of him, at least not yet. She knows that she will likely have a great many years alone, and feels sad about it often.


Our age difference is similar. As the older DH, I feel an extra obligation to stay in the best shape I possibly can and take care of myself so I can keep this from happening as long as possible. Being in great shape has plenty of other benefits, not least of which is in the bedroom.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 16:40     Subject: Re:40+ men who married 20-28 women?
OP, what is your question?
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 16:37     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
PP - to clarify, he was 35 when we met. Now 52 as I am 40.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 16:37     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
Anonymous wrote:My aunt was 25 when she married her 40 yo husband. They had 3 kids. She's now 55, he's 70. The difference is stark. She's full of pep and he's really slowed down. She doesn't have to take care of him, at least not yet. She knows that she will likely have a great many years alone, and feels sad about it often.


Not to take this thread to a dark place but I've thought about this a lot and have decided going out together is the way to do it.

Sucks, but that's the price of admission to my marriage and I don't regret it.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 16:36     Subject: 40+ men who married 20-28 women?
Was 23 when I met my 35 year old (now) husband. Fast forward 17 years. After therapy, then two kids (oldest in early elementary), things are going well. He challenges me, I push him. He's a great dad, I'm even more successful than 10 years ago pre-kid.

What's the overall curiosity though? Why the question?