Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 20:22     Subject: Re:Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the input, everyone. It just seems so incongruous that I want to have sex with someone who has been so horrible to me by having the affair. But I like sex these days and I'll be damned if I slide back into my old low-drive, kind of repressed way just because he was an asshole. It is also bonding us a bit, though, as I mentioned, it makes me sick to think he was with another woman during our marriage. It appears there were actually times when we would have sex in the morning and he would go hook up with her at night - which is totally insane to me. I am going to just go with it for now and stop if it makes me feel wrong. I am trying to work things out because we have two little kids and I think it's worth a shot to see if this is something we can overcome, but I am not blindly thinking that we can just be happy and I know that this might end up being too much for me. I just don't know now.

I found out about his affair because he talked about a certain coworker in a strange manner. So, after a few months, I flat out asked him if he was cheating on me and he admitted it and claimed he had ended it a few weeks before I asked (I know, I know). He appears on the surface to be super remorseful, but I am definitely not just taking him at his word.


You both need couples therapy now. The healing hasn't begun yet and the tone of your post shows that your distrust is actually growing.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 20:20     Subject: Re:Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
Op I envy you. My husband cheated on me, is denying like crazy even though I have discovered so much proof. I am in therapy and kind of getting to the end of my rope waiting for him to own up. I have told him this will not go away without us having very honest conversations/therapy. I don't think he believes I will leave. Soon the shit will hit the fan if he continues this charade and I thibk once I'm done I will just be past the point of no return. I wanted things to work, we have young kids, but I'm getting closer to my breaking point every day.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 19:44     Subject: Re:Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
OP here - thanks for the input, everyone. It just seems so incongruous that I want to have sex with someone who has been so horrible to me by having the affair. But I like sex these days and I'll be damned if I slide back into my old low-drive, kind of repressed way just because he was an asshole. It is also bonding us a bit, though, as I mentioned, it makes me sick to think he was with another woman during our marriage. It appears there were actually times when we would have sex in the morning and he would go hook up with her at night - which is totally insane to me. I am going to just go with it for now and stop if it makes me feel wrong. I am trying to work things out because we have two little kids and I think it's worth a shot to see if this is something we can overcome, but I am not blindly thinking that we can just be happy and I know that this might end up being too much for me. I just don't know now.

I found out about his affair because he talked about a certain coworker in a strange manner. So, after a few months, I flat out asked him if he was cheating on me and he admitted it and claimed he had ended it a few weeks before I asked (I know, I know). He appears on the surface to be super remorseful, but I am definitely not just taking him at his word.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 13:58     Subject: Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Really annoys me that bad husbands have more sex with their wives than I have with mine.

(This just in: life isn't fair. Film at 11.)


Show your DW this thread. Really. It might wake her up.

Signed,
A DW married for 20+ years!


Not to derail the thread, but showing your DW this thread is pointless. Women know how important sex is to men, they have seen it since they were teenagers. His DW knows, she just doesn't want to have sex with him for whatever reason. He could show her this and guilt her into sex, temporarily.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 13:55     Subject: Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
Anonymous wrote:Really annoys me that bad husbands have more sex with their wives than I have with mine.

(This just in: life isn't fair. Film at 11.)


Show your DW this thread. Really. It might wake her up.

Signed,
A DW married for 20+ years!
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 13:51     Subject: Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
If it feels good to you, keep sleeping with him. I do agree that it builds intimacy and keep you feeling connected during what is, no doubt, an incredibly hard time.

There are no rules for this -- just do what seems right to you.

Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 13:25     Subject: Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
So did you discover the affair, or did he feel guilty and tell you?

Guaranteed if you had to discover it, there have been others and there will be more.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 13:24     Subject: Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
You know how cheaters operate? They tell the OW horrible lies about their wives. I couldn't get past that.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 13:13     Subject: Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
Anonymous wrote:Op - I think you're doing the right things to repair your relationship. People connect through sex. No sex = no connection. That won't help repair a relationship.

I took my ex wife back after an affair. The sex was great with her too, but looking back, that was the only thing I enjoyed and it wasn't worth what I had to deal with.


Ditto, keep having and enjoying sex. You are trying to make this relationship work - good for you for giving it a shot for your own and your children's happiness. Ignore the vengeful trolls on here who encourage divorce. Affairs are sadly common, most people do work through them. If it doesn't work, at least you can say you tried and you had great sex in the process.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 12:40     Subject: Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
Anonymous wrote:Talk about rewarding bad behavior. Yikes!


Sex should not be a reward or punishment. Stop parenting your spouse and relationship.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 12:39     Subject: Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
Anonymous wrote:Your husband has already taken a lot from you with this affair- don't let him take your sex life away too. Don't feel bad about enjoying sex with him despite what he's done. You can sleep with him and still be upset, you are not crazy.


+1 it's your sex life, and you are taking control. You aren't having sex to keep him, you are having sex because YOU want it. This is powerful and a mind set you need to embrace. Take control, enjoy it, have him work on himself, you are fine.

I completely respect you and your choices.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 12:34     Subject: Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
Your husband has already taken a lot from you with this affair- don't let him take your sex life away too. Don't feel bad about enjoying sex with him despite what he's done. You can sleep with him and still be upset, you are not crazy.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 10:58     Subject: Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
Just keep in mind that in the State of Virginia, once you have sex you have forgiven the affair and it can't be used in your divorce.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 10:45     Subject: Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
Anonymous wrote:Really annoys me that bad husbands have more sex with their wives than I have with mine.

(This just in: life isn't fair. Film at 11.)


It's true that men have affairs regardless of how much sex they get at home. It's a good line to tell the OW though.
Anonymous
Post 09/24/2015 10:42     Subject: Sleeping with my unfaithful husband
Really annoys me that bad husbands have more sex with their wives than I have with mine.

(This just in: life isn't fair. Film at 11.)