Anonymous
Post 09/23/2015 00:10     Subject: No one to sit with on the bus
My; DD went through a time like this in 2nd grade, and I anticipate will again in 3rd, 4th, 5th... So we brainstormed together and came up with an "alone time activity kit" of all the things she loves to do and can do alone. For my DD, it was on the playground.

She said she liked:
1. Reading
2. Drawing
3. Crafting

So we have a little kit she packs in her backpack that has all the essentials. She's ready to share if/when someone has her same interest. The craft kit includes a very small weaving loom and a blunt-needled cross-stitch kit. She loves it.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2015 00:07     Subject: No one to sit with on the bus
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was the PP who just suggested bringing other activities onto the bus with her...the one thing I would strongly caution is ever giving her anything like an iPod where she uses headphones to block out the world. That might make her less vulnerable, but it will also send the message "keep away." She needs to do things that invite others in.


Yes, I was trying to think of cool things that she could bring that would attract others. A couple of years ago I would have said the elastic craft thing ... not sure what is in now.


I would go this route, too. Ask her and other 8 year olds what is cool for them.
It's surprising to me you dont know
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2015 14:24     Subject: No one to sit with on the bus
Anonymous wrote:My DD is in 3rd grade. The person she used to sit with on the bus now rides in to school with her parents. Seating arrangements seemed to have already formed and my daughter, who is not socially cool, is having a hard time breaking into the established groups. Any advice?


Sorry that this happens. It is hard to not to be able to soothe things at school socially for our kids.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2015 13:07     Subject: No one to sit with on the bus
Anonymous wrote:I was the PP who just suggested bringing other activities onto the bus with her...the one thing I would strongly caution is ever giving her anything like an iPod where she uses headphones to block out the world. That might make her less vulnerable, but it will also send the message "keep away." She needs to do things that invite others in.


Yes, I was trying to think of cool things that she could bring that would attract others. A couple of years ago I would have said the elastic craft thing ... not sure what is in now.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2015 12:39     Subject: No one to sit with on the bus
I was the PP who just suggested bringing other activities onto the bus with her...the one thing I would strongly caution is ever giving her anything like an iPod where she uses headphones to block out the world. That might make her less vulnerable, but it will also send the message "keep away." She needs to do things that invite others in.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2015 12:37     Subject: Re:No one to sit with on the bus
Anonymous wrote:OP here. My daughter has experienced a lot of difficulties in her past. We changed schools because she was bullied. Picked on repeatedly, threatened, and kicked. She is a sweet kid, just not very socially aware, which we are working on but will always be a struggle for her. She was so excited to go to this new school and start new but so far she has had a hard time making new friends. She is the first child on the bus as we are at the end of the line and she dreads all these kids coming in and not sitting next to her - several squeezing in with others to avoid her. She is not antagonized, but it still hurts when everyone walks right by a perfectly good empty seat and no one wants to sit with her. She has "friends" at school, none ride her bus.

I know this experience builds character, but she is only 8 and has been through so much already. I had suggested she read on the bus but she gets distracted with all the fun and laughter going on around her.

All I wanted was some tips on how to break the ice and have this year be less stressful for her.


Besides book reading, can you come up with some other activities and things she can bring with her on the bus that might attract attention of other kids? For instance, are 8 year old girls still into making bracelets or some other craft? How about one of those goofy TeenBeat type magazines full of teenage heart throbs. If she's thumbing through something like that, another girl might want to sit down and look with her.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2015 12:32     Subject: Re:No one to sit with on the bus
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. My daughter has experienced a lot of difficulties in her past. We changed schools because she was bullied. Picked on repeatedly, threatened, and kicked. She is a sweet kid, just not very socially aware, which we are working on but will always be a struggle for her. She was so excited to go to this new school and start new but so far she has had a hard time making new friends. She is the first child on the bus as we are at the end of the line and she dreads all these kids coming in and not sitting next to her - several squeezing in with others to avoid her. She is not antagonized, but it still hurts when everyone walks right by a perfectly good empty seat and no one wants to sit with her. She has "friends" at school, none ride her bus.

I know this experience builds character, but she is only 8 and has been through so much already. I had suggested she read on the bus but she gets distracted with all the fun and laughter going on around her.

All I wanted was some tips on how to break the ice and have this year be less stressful for her.


Sorry, but children dont need to be occupied with friends 24/7. She needs to learn to be independent


PP- did you read the part where OP's DD was bullied at her last school?? It's understandable that OP would want to support and help her more right now. The bus ride is a social opportunity for many kids- it can feel like a very big deal if no one wants to sit next to you.


Yes, but we shouldn't be trying to "solve" the discomfort by making it out to be a huge problem. Talk to dd about how it's OK not to have a person to sit with on the bus, help dd be all right with being on her own (she's not being bullied or teased right? just sitting alone).

We can't rush in every time our parent hearts ache a little for our children.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2015 10:59     Subject: No one to sit with on the bus
I actually think that this is a great lesson for her DD, especially because of the bullying situation. What is happening on the bus is not bullying. Sure, it is lonely and uncomfortable, but it isn't bullying. I think helping your daughter identify some coping skills will really help beef up her resiliency skills and self confidence over the long term. And making a big deal out of this just reinforces all those negative feelings she has about herself from the bullying situation that prompted the school transfer.

Find her some books to read, maybe an ipod shuffle to listen to, a hand-held video game (like tetris or something) to occupy her time.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 22:53     Subject: Re:No one to sit with on the bus
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. My daughter has experienced a lot of difficulties in her past. We changed schools because she was bullied. Picked on repeatedly, threatened, and kicked. She is a sweet kid, just not very socially aware, which we are working on but will always be a struggle for her. She was so excited to go to this new school and start new but so far she has had a hard time making new friends. She is the first child on the bus as we are at the end of the line and she dreads all these kids coming in and not sitting next to her - several squeezing in with others to avoid her. She is not antagonized, but it still hurts when everyone walks right by a perfectly good empty seat and no one wants to sit with her. She has "friends" at school, none ride her bus.

I know this experience builds character, but she is only 8 and has been through so much already. I had suggested she read on the bus but she gets distracted with all the fun and laughter going on around her.

All I wanted was some tips on how to break the ice and have this year be less stressful for her.


Sorry, but children dont need to be occupied with friends 24/7. She needs to learn to be independent


PP- did you read the part where OP's DD was bullied at her last school?? It's understandable that OP would want to support and help her more right now. The bus ride is a social opportunity for many kids- it can feel like a very big deal if no one wants to sit next to you.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 22:48     Subject: Re:No one to sit with on the bus
Anonymous wrote:OP here. My daughter has experienced a lot of difficulties in her past. We changed schools because she was bullied. Picked on repeatedly, threatened, and kicked. She is a sweet kid, just not very socially aware, which we are working on but will always be a struggle for her. She was so excited to go to this new school and start new but so far she has had a hard time making new friends. She is the first child on the bus as we are at the end of the line and she dreads all these kids coming in and not sitting next to her - several squeezing in with others to avoid her. She is not antagonized, but it still hurts when everyone walks right by a perfectly good empty seat and no one wants to sit with her. She has "friends" at school, none ride her bus.

I know this experience builds character, but she is only 8 and has been through so much already. I had suggested she read on the bus but she gets distracted with all the fun and laughter going on around her.

All I wanted was some tips on how to break the ice and have this year be less stressful for her.


Is this her first year at the new school? It's so early in the year that I wouldn't worry yet. Listen when she worries, and let her know that she has a book in her backpack to read if she gets lonely, and let things go. She will be OK.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 22:02     Subject: No one to sit with on the bus
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear about what she's been through OP. Can you talk to the bus driver and get some help? The bus driver helped my shy and new daughter and she made her first friend that way. The driver asked for a volunteer to sit with her and a wonderful girl her same age sat with her and they've sat together (off and on) for four years now and have also become friends outside of the bus.


That sounds embarrassing


Well, it wasn't and it worked!
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 21:53     Subject: No one to sit with on the bus
Anonymous wrote:Can you setup a playdate with some of the girls in the neighborhood?


This. No one makes friends ON the bus, they are friends from school and the neighborhood. Also, something like this could be really key for building resiliency, which is a key skill a lot of kids don't get a chance to develop with "snowplow parents" easing the way for them.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 21:49     Subject: Re:No one to sit with on the bus
I am just curious which school this is, because my kids' mcps bus is packed to the gills and no one sits alone on the bus! But to respond to your question op, I was like your daughter on the bus - none of my friends ever rode on my bus route, and I felt too shy on the bus to try to make new friends. But, the good news is that it just wasn't a big deal - the bus ride was short, and I pretty much just sat quietly, absorbed everything going on and stayed out of the "fray" (which proved a wise position to be in many times). To this day I am a great observer!
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 21:01     Subject: No one to sit with on the bus
Can you setup a playdate with some of the girls in the neighborhood?
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2015 20:54     Subject: Re:No one to sit with on the bus
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. My daughter has experienced a lot of difficulties in her past. We changed schools because she was bullied. Picked on repeatedly, threatened, and kicked. She is a sweet kid, just not very socially aware, which we are working on but will always be a struggle for her. She was so excited to go to this new school and start new but so far she has had a hard time making new friends. She is the first child on the bus as we are at the end of the line and she dreads all these kids coming in and not sitting next to her - several squeezing in with others to avoid her. She is not antagonized, but it still hurts when everyone walks right by a perfectly good empty seat and no one wants to sit with her. She has "friends" at school, none ride her bus.

I know this experience builds character, but she is only 8 and has been through so much already. I had suggested she read on the bus but she gets distracted with all the fun and laughter going on around her.

All I wanted was some tips on how to break the ice and have this year be less stressful for her.


Sorry, but children dont need to be occupied with friends 24/7. She needs to learn to be independent


Okay, truth telling time now--you were one of the mean girls weren't you?


Not pp, not at all one of the "mean girls," and I was the girl who frequently sat on the bus alone. Give her a book or something to occupy her. Trust me, that there are positive things to be gained and longer life lessons to be learned from little lonely moments like these. There really is no need to swoop in and protect your kids in every small, sad situation.