If it is in your house, you get to lay down the rules. Your husband should be the one to deliver the rules, since it is his mother, but you need to establish the boundary sooner than later. A simple "We find those comments offensive and we don't want to talk about this subject anymore" should suffice.

My elderly parents live with us in a basement apartment, and my father is a crazy tea party follower who has Fox News on 24-7. He knows that he is NOT allowed to turn that channel on upstairs in our family room around our children. If he does, we will block that channel so no one can access it. He respects our wishes.

Anonymous wrote:She is so afraid of Syrian refugees and thinks ISIS has infiltrated them and so they should not be allowed in the country.

She also hates her Mexican neighbors.

She goes on rants about this stuff at dinner and we all just quietly eat our food. It is awkward because I am a middle eastern immigrant.

She has an excellent point about ISIS as they have already bragged about infiltrating refugees.

Do NOT have kids. You need to move far away or settle for a life of misery.

I think most in-laws are racist. At least the ones I know. My parents are racist too. Fortunately, they don't really bring up their racist opinions on a regular basis, otherwise yes, it would be hard to tolerate. Different generation, different culture, nobody's perfect.

My in-laws are racist too. They're Asian immigrants. They are so nice and friendly to everyone's faces. I'm not Asian, but they see me as a kind of family dog, so in front of me they talk pretty freely, badmouthing whites, blacks, hispanics et al. With special negative traits assigned, according to our particular nationalities/religions/ethnicities, in total we are all seen as dirty, smelly, diseased animals.

Syrians and Middle Easterners are white, so expressing an opinion about a geo-political crisis such as the migrant wave heading for the welfare benefits of Germany, is not really racism.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is so afraid of Syrian refugees and thinks ISIS has infiltrated them and so they should not be allowed in the country.

She also hates her Mexican neighbors.

She goes on rants about this stuff at dinner and we all just quietly eat our food. It is awkward because I am a middle eastern immigrant.

I can relate. I am an immigrant of color too and my in laws say the most casually racist things about all non-white groups except my group (I have no doubt they cover my group behind my back). They don't even rant; they just say things as if stating facts. I would prefer rants because the ill intent there is easier to confront than passive aggressive "innocent" comments. I have lost a lot of respect for my in laws. The hilarious part is that they ask DH why I never call or talk to them unless we are in person.

OP here. I know exactly how you feel. I just cannot and do not respect her. I have honestly tried a lot and tried to come to terms with her toxic view points. The scary thing is she sits at home all day and gets brain washed by FOX news.And then she takes them so seriously she thinks they are telling her facts.

Shes so casually racist and an islamophobe. I love my dh dearly but I'm regretting my decision to marry into this family. I am a good person and I do not need to hear casual racism towards immigrants; people of color and muslims.

PP here. I am with you, OP. I regret marrying into DH's family too. Their behavior is going to cost them. I come from a background in which we do a lot for parents. I would have doted on them if not for their racism and classlessness. Recently, MIL injured her hip. My inclination would have been to take time off work and wait on her and foot. Instead, I asked DH to express my sympathy to her and never called. I have talked DH into moving far from them and soon, we will see very little of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is so afraid of Syrian refugees and thinks ISIS has infiltrated them and so they should not be allowed in the country.

She also hates her Mexican neighbors.

She goes on rants about this stuff at dinner and we all just quietly eat our food. It is awkward because I am a middle eastern immigrant.

I expect to get flamed here, but what you have written above does not really indicate racism.

There are millions of Americans who fear that ISIS may be among those coming to the country. That view alone is not racist. It is a reality.
And, she hates her Mexican neighbors. Maybe they are not nice people. Does she hate them just because they are Mexican, or have they done something to cause her not to like them.

Unless she has made truly racist remarks, I would not call this racist behavior.

ITA

Anonymous wrote:If it is in your home--or in front of your children--you MUST shut this down. If you don't feel comfortable addressing it, talk with your husband now and make sure that he will address it the next time it happens.

Just keep it simple: "In this household, we embrace diversity, and we treat all people with respect."

.

Omfg. Are you an HR rep? Who talks like that?

My FIL was stating how immigrants were ruining their country (he is from a Western European country) while at my house. I am an immigrant to the US (and not white); so is DH. I just looked at him dumbfounded. Hello? Your son and your DIL are immigrants? I said to him, "well it's a good thing I'm not considering moving to your country then." My MIL's response, "Oh, he wasn't talking about you." He went on and on about "those people", and my DH finally had enough. He's usually pretty tolerant of his parent's, but it was getting too much. He finally told him to stop, that his remarks were racist. FIL didn't think so. Oh well. Good thing they live thousands of miles away.

OP, you need to tell your DH how you feel, and he needs to stop it. The other trick is to just ignore everything the person says, almost like the person is not even talking. Works well for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is so afraid of Syrian refugees and thinks ISIS has infiltrated them and so they should not be allowed in the country.

She also hates her Mexican neighbors.

She goes on rants about this stuff at dinner and we all just quietly eat our food. It is awkward because I am a middle eastern immigrant.

I expect to get flamed here, but what you have written above does not really indicate racism.

There are millions of Americans who fear that ISIS may be among those coming to the country. That view alone is not racist. It is a reality.
And, she hates her Mexican neighbors. Maybe they are not nice people. Does she hate them just because they are Mexican, or have they done something to cause her not to like them.

Unless she has made truly racist remarks, I would not call this racist behavior.

This was my my first thought. My second thought was that op is very young.

Anonymous wrote:She is so afraid of Syrian refugees and thinks ISIS has infiltrated them and so they should not be allowed in the country.

She also hates her Mexican neighbors.

She goes on rants about this stuff at dinner and we all just quietly eat our food. It is awkward because I am a middle eastern immigrant.

ISIS has explicitly stated that they plan to insert people into the refugees. Why is this considered racist? It is a security concern which is a real threat. Just stating this as a concern doesn't mean she is racist. You say because she is afraid of this they shouldn't be allowed into the country. That is not the same as saying they shouldn't be allowed in because they are Syrian. did she actually say she hates Syrians for not reason other than them being Syrian?

tell your husband if he doesn't ask her to stop, you will.

she sits at home all day and gets brain washed by FOX news.And then she takes them so seriously she thinks they are telling her facts.

Bullshit. She was probably always like that. I doubt the news brainwashed her.

You married a racist's son. Own it.

Anonymous wrote:She is so afraid of Syrian refugees and thinks ISIS has infiltrated them and so they should not be allowed in the country.

She also hates her Mexican neighbors.

She goes on rants about this stuff at dinner and we all just quietly eat our food. It is awkward because I am a middle eastern immigrant.

I expect to get flamed here, but what you have written above does not really indicate racism.

There are millions of Americans who fear that ISIS may be among those coming to the country. That view alone is not racist. It is a reality.
And, she hates her Mexican neighbors. Maybe they are not nice people. Does she hate them just because they are Mexican, or have they done something to cause her not to like them.

Unless she has made truly racist remarks, I would not call this racist behavior.