Anonymous
09/21/2015 16:40
Subject: What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
For those of you who had career losses/job losses that caused unhappiness -- esp those who were workaholics/on a traditional path and somehow lost that -- did you all just take a job and accept it for what it was and use your time for other things be it dating, family, volunteering, whatever? Or are there folks who affirmatively found themselves another workaholic type of position -- whether it was good or bad -- so they could throw themselves into work and feel "normal" again?
Anonymous
09/21/2015 16:17
Subject: What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
OP, I went through a devastating career loss and had to readjust my perspective. These days, I'm employed but not where I thought I would be. OTOH, I have time to devote myself to my sport and volunteering in the community, which makes me quite happy. Probably therapy would help but as has been suggested, maybe you need to broaden your life and get engaged in other things besides work. Good luck!
Anonymous
09/21/2015 15:30
Subject: Re:What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
Lets face it.
If you are in your mid 30s, the high point of your life was watching Carson Daly on TRL every single day after school.
That was it.
Just accept the fact that its all downhill from here on out.
30s. 40s. 50s. 60s.
Downward spiral.
Just step aside and allow the next generation to come along and make their mark..
Anonymous
09/21/2015 15:19
Subject: Re:What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Also one more thing to consider.
The post 2000 modern technology world is not nearly as social as the pre 2000 less technologized world.
Have you ever heard of the term unsocial media?
The funny thing is, is social media is just that for me and for a lot of others. I can keep in touch with my large family, virtually hang with people I would never have otherwise had access to due to their celebrity status and the caution they needed to take, get back in touch with old friends, etc. And I can chat on forums such as this one!
I know there are 'anti-techhies' out there, but BOY, it's been great for so many!
I think they meant people in public constantly focusing on their tech devices instead of their surroundings.
You cannot meet random new people in public places if you are too busy concentrating on your tech devices instead of the people around you.
Hence the term "unsocial media"
Anonymous
09/21/2015 14:26
Subject: What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
OP -- you seem like a reasonable person from your post.
It probably is time to move from your comfort zone and try to change things up a bit. I agree with you that a therapist might not be for you.
I would try some new things:
1. Church --- (do you belong to one)? If not, try that or if you hate that idea...try meditation
2. Volunteer -- sometimes it helps to focus on other people to get the focus away from yourself
3. Book club -- forced way to meet new people
4. Mentor --mentor folks around you ..it might help you to feel good
5. Dating sites -- have you tried them?
6. Health club -- take classes and stay around after to meet people
7. blog -- find other like-minded people.
8. Tutor -- help others
High school was the time of my life. I was class president and it really was like I owned the world (my little high school world anyway). I was struck by your post that even though you weren't in a key position or group, it was still your time. That's nice. It is great that people take care of you still in h.s. while you are almost an adult.
It probably is time to move from your comfort zone and try to change things up a bit. I agree with you that a therapist might not be for you.
I would try some new things:
1. Church --- (do you belong to one)? If not, try that or if you hate that idea...try meditation
2. Volunteer -- sometimes it helps to focus on other people to get the focus away from yourself
3. Book club -- forced way to meet new people
4. Mentor --mentor folks around you ..it might help you to feel good
5. Dating sites -- have you tried them?
6. Health club -- take classes and stay around after to meet people
7. blog -- find other like-minded people.
8. Tutor -- help others
High school was the time of my life. I was class president and it really was like I owned the world (my little high school world anyway). I was struck by your post that even though you weren't in a key position or group, it was still your time. That's nice. It is great that people take care of you still in h.s. while you are almost an adult.
Anonymous
09/21/2015 14:01
Subject: What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
Anonymous wrote:OP here – you all have hit the nail on the head on a few things. I really never thought that adults thought about high school – except the few who talk about the glory days of being football quarterback or something.
I definitely followed a straight path – high school to college, grad school, consulting. It wasn’t ever easy, but it was just one of those – keep working hard and move on to the next stage – types of things. And then it fell apart on me, and I realized I have no one – didn’t have much of a professional network that wanted to help despite the fact that I killed myself for them for a decade, don’t have many friends, and my family doesn’t understand. Ended up unemployed for a long stretch and then had to take the first offer I got – DC in the gov’t. Sorry to insult those who’ve spent a lifetime in the gov’t, but it isn’t for me – I miss the client interaction, running the show, and even billing time. Yet there isn’t any way for me to get back there – I had no luck getting hired at a competitor firm as they have their own partner track folks to deal with.
I thought a geographic change would help – as I was living in an east coast city that I really really disliked; so when an offer came along in DC, I took it . . . .
And yes, I do think I am depressed, and yet I’m really averse to the idea of going on any meds. And what is a therapist going to say that you all haven’t – get out there, make friends, everyone feels like this sometimes??
What geographic areas do you seem to like? Could you start with that information, and work from there?
ITA, D.C. is not for most people. There are smart people in some really great, alive, charismatic places that might revive you. The flat affect thing might not be for you.
Anonymous
09/21/2015 13:56
Subject: What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
Anonymous wrote:OP here – you all have hit the nail on the head on a few things. I really never thought that adults thought about high school – except the few who talk about the glory days of being football quarterback or something.
I definitely followed a straight path – high school to college, grad school, consulting. It wasn’t ever easy, but it was just one of those – keep working hard and move on to the next stage – types of things. And then it fell apart on me, and I realized I have no one – didn’t have much of a professional network that wanted to help despite the fact that I killed myself for them for a decade, don’t have many friends, and my family doesn’t understand. Ended up unemployed for a long stretch and then had to take the first offer I got – DC in the gov’t. Sorry to insult those who’ve spent a lifetime in the gov’t, but it isn’t for me – I miss the client interaction, running the show, and even billing time. Yet there isn’t any way for me to get back there – I had no luck getting hired at a competitor firm as they have their own partner track folks to deal with.
I thought a geographic change would help – as I was living in an east coast city that I really really disliked; so when an offer came along in DC, I took it . . . .
And yes, I do think I am depressed, and yet I’m really averse to the idea of going on any meds. And what is a therapist going to say that you all haven’t – get out there, make friends, everyone feels like this sometimes??
A few things:
1) A therapist has lots of techniques to help you. Don't dismiss the concept before you've even tried it.
2) Don't worry about meds or no meds yet. See a therapist, let them lead you.
3) Yes, you CAN get back in the field - specialize. Where are you working now, OP? Get some specific experience that a consulting firm will need and find attractive. This is the part where you need to stop following the path right in front of you and start thinking about where you want to be in 10 years and how you can get there. Think outside the box!!!
Anonymous
09/21/2015 13:51
Subject: What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
OP here – you all have hit the nail on the head on a few things. I really never thought that adults thought about high school – except the few who talk about the glory days of being football quarterback or something.
I definitely followed a straight path – high school to college, grad school, consulting. It wasn’t ever easy, but it was just one of those – keep working hard and move on to the next stage – types of things. And then it fell apart on me, and I realized I have no one – didn’t have much of a professional network that wanted to help despite the fact that I killed myself for them for a decade, don’t have many friends, and my family doesn’t understand. Ended up unemployed for a long stretch and then had to take the first offer I got – DC in the gov’t. Sorry to insult those who’ve spent a lifetime in the gov’t, but it isn’t for me – I miss the client interaction, running the show, and even billing time. Yet there isn’t any way for me to get back there – I had no luck getting hired at a competitor firm as they have their own partner track folks to deal with.
I thought a geographic change would help – as I was living in an east coast city that I really really disliked; so when an offer came along in DC, I took it . . . .
And yes, I do think I am depressed, and yet I’m really averse to the idea of going on any meds. And what is a therapist going to say that you all haven’t – get out there, make friends, everyone feels like this sometimes??
I definitely followed a straight path – high school to college, grad school, consulting. It wasn’t ever easy, but it was just one of those – keep working hard and move on to the next stage – types of things. And then it fell apart on me, and I realized I have no one – didn’t have much of a professional network that wanted to help despite the fact that I killed myself for them for a decade, don’t have many friends, and my family doesn’t understand. Ended up unemployed for a long stretch and then had to take the first offer I got – DC in the gov’t. Sorry to insult those who’ve spent a lifetime in the gov’t, but it isn’t for me – I miss the client interaction, running the show, and even billing time. Yet there isn’t any way for me to get back there – I had no luck getting hired at a competitor firm as they have their own partner track folks to deal with.
I thought a geographic change would help – as I was living in an east coast city that I really really disliked; so when an offer came along in DC, I took it . . . .
And yes, I do think I am depressed, and yet I’m really averse to the idea of going on any meds. And what is a therapist going to say that you all haven’t – get out there, make friends, everyone feels like this sometimes??
Anonymous
09/21/2015 12:25
Subject: What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
You didn't do anything wrong, you are in a rut. You need to get out of it or it will drag you down. Or you are already dragged down and depressed. You let life pass you buy without doing anything about it. Get out of it. Find something positive to do. Be proactive about the things you want to do. Want to meet people, join a meetup or a hiking group. You hate hiking? Find something else. Look beyond the circle you are familiar with.
If you want to feel good, do something good for someone else without expecting anything in return.
If you are not a happy person, people will not gravitate to you. The wrong type of people gravitate to you when you are down.
If you want to feel good, do something good for someone else without expecting anything in return.
If you are not a happy person, people will not gravitate to you. The wrong type of people gravitate to you when you are down.
Anonymous
09/21/2015 12:03
Subject: What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
Here's my take, OP. In HS and college you were given a specific path. Follow this path, work hard, and you are a success. But after school the path ends and you come to a big wide field where you have to make your own way with no formula to follow. This is where a lot of people (in their early 20s) run into crisis, but then they try a bunch of things, right their ship and figure it out.
But, by going into consulting, you found another path to follow. Like in school you did what you were supposed to do...but it didn't work out. You have come to that open "field" later than many, and you are feeling like a failure because the first job that you have taken off the path seems like a step down. But it's not- it's just your first move as you figure things out and how to readjust your career goals and moves.
Meanwhile, your friends are pairing off, etc. which naturally happens in your 30s. Are you dating? Why not?
But, by going into consulting, you found another path to follow. Like in school you did what you were supposed to do...but it didn't work out. You have come to that open "field" later than many, and you are feeling like a failure because the first job that you have taken off the path seems like a step down. But it's not- it's just your first move as you figure things out and how to readjust your career goals and moves.
Meanwhile, your friends are pairing off, etc. which naturally happens in your 30s. Are you dating? Why not?
Anonymous
09/21/2015 11:53
Subject: What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It feels like for most people -- they go to high school, leave home for college, grad school, jobs in new cities, and life keeps getting better and better. For me it feels like high school was the best I had -- there's been no "true" joy after that. Maybe it's that I'm mid 30s and single and don't have much of a social life. Maybe it's that I didn't make partner at my consulting firm that I slogged at thru my 20s and early 30s, got pushed out, and had to pick up another job that's not nearly as high status or what I enjoy. How did I get to this place?? It's not like I was someone in high school who was super popular; nor was I the star of the show in high school to where I think those were my glory days -- i.e. not a state champ or homecoming queen or anything like that -- so I'm not sitting around talking about those days. It's just that back then -- I was taken care of (financially), I had a small group of friends from school that I saw every day, I did well without killing myself or anything and was the top of my class, and I had my family to go home to every night. Now . . . life is just such a let down . . . . What's wrong with me??
Every where I look people seem so much happier as adults, and I feel like I'm missing something . . . .
Don't strive for happiness, strive to be content. Striving for happiness is always going to disappoint because you will not recognize the good. If you are singe, it might be time to relocate to somewhere you really want to live, so if your job is unsatisfying, your surroundings make up for it.
Frankly, the DC area is one of the more depressing areas to live. Get outta dodge!!
+1
OP, you will never know this unless you try it first hand.
Anonymous
09/21/2015 11:52
Subject: Re:What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Join a meet up group. It will give you something to do and you can make new friends. I think once you have a friend or two to hang out with, you will be a little happier.
+1
At the very least, you get out of your comfort zone.
To the person that said "DC isn't for a lot of people. If you aren't working in politics, move somewhere else." Gimme a break, and this is coming from someone that has lived here over 30 years. I got friends that go back to elementary school that are still in the DC area and doing quite well. The biggest employers are in the DC area, that is why people move here.
I think PP was talking about people like you. Not in a harsh way, just in a "this is the best place on earth/why would anyone live anywhere else/if so you must be a loser" sort of way. On the contrary, some people feel if you have never left where you were raised - all of that applies. Sometimes, rightfully so.
Anonymous
09/21/2015 11:39
Subject: Re:What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
Anonymous wrote:Also one more thing to consider.
The post 2000 modern technology world is not nearly as social as the pre 2000 less technologized world.
Have you ever heard of the term unsocial media?
The funny thing is, is social media is just that for me and for a lot of others. I can keep in touch with my large family, virtually hang with people I would never have otherwise had access to due to their celebrity status and the caution they needed to take, get back in touch with old friends, etc. And I can chat on forums such as this one!
I know there are 'anti-techhies' out there, but BOY, it's been great for so many!
Anonymous
09/21/2015 11:36
Subject: What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
Anonymous wrote:It feels like for most people -- they go to high school, leave home for college, grad school, jobs in new cities, and life keeps getting better and better. For me it feels like high school was the best I had -- there's been no "true" joy after that. Maybe it's that I'm mid 30s and single and don't have much of a social life. Maybe it's that I didn't make partner at my consulting firm that I slogged at thru my 20s and early 30s, got pushed out, and had to pick up another job that's not nearly as high status or what I enjoy. How did I get to this place?? It's not like I was someone in high school who was super popular; nor was I the star of the show in high school to where I think those were my glory days -- i.e. not a state champ or homecoming queen or anything like that -- so I'm not sitting around talking about those days. It's just that back then -- I was taken care of (financially), I had a small group of friends from school that I saw every day, I did well without killing myself or anything and was the top of my class, and I had my family to go home to every night. Now . . . life is just such a let down . . . . What's wrong with me??
Every where I look people seem so much happier as adults, and I feel like I'm missing something . . . .
Don't strive for happiness, strive to be content. Striving for happiness is always going to disappoint because you will not recognize the good. If you are singe, it might be time to relocate to somewhere you really want to live, so if your job is unsatisfying, your surroundings make up for it.
Frankly, the DC area is one of the more depressing areas to live. Get outta dodge!!
Anonymous
09/21/2015 10:28
Subject: What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
Join a group that goes walking or cycling on weekends. Time spent outdoors is good for the soul, as is socializing. As for the single thing, plenty of people in marriages are more miserable than single people.