Anonymous wrote:respect your elders!

Tolerate first, then decide if they deserve respect in addition.

respect your elders!

Just let it go.

Anonymous wrote:OP, no, we leave in separate states. Don't worry, she just called me back to say (I'm not making this up) "If something happens to me tonight I don't want you to feel bad." If something happens to her tonight, is it OK if I don't feel bad?

Absolutely. You have permission.

Op, I just wanted to say that I appreciate that you posted this thread - much more thought provoking and useful than most.

OP here. She's far from senile, pretty sharp for her age actually.

Anonymous wrote:If she insults my mom (who has passed) to me frequently? (PS-this is my paternal grandmother).

If she's not senile, of course it is.

Being old doesn't give you a pass for being rude, unless the person in question is senile (or has other mental problems, which give a pass at any age because they can't help it).

Anonymous wrote:OP, no, we leave in separate states. Don't worry, she just called me back to say (I'm not making this up) "If something happens to me tonight I don't want you to feel bad." If something happens to her tonight, is it OK if I don't feel bad?

Definitely, don't feel bad.

Thanks PPs, OP here. I was sort of kidding about the hit man thing . The thing is she is kinda of mean old lady. She's always been that way. But she is my only living grandmother and she does care for me and has done a lot for me and I do love her and wish to have some kind of relationship with her. I do try to be polite and not bring up hot button issues but the mom comments come from out of the blue and it's the one thing that really bothers me. I've mentioned to her respectfully but she just doesn't get it. Her response is always "But it's true!!!" which doesn't help any. My mother has been gone ten years, she wasn't perfect but I miss her very very much to this day.

Anonymous wrote:OP, no, we leave in separate states. Don't worry, she just called me back to say (I'm not making this up) "If something happens to me tonight I don't want you to feel bad." If something happens to her tonight, is it OK if I don't feel bad?

"When you insult my mother, you dramatically reduce the likelihood that I will miss you when you're gone."

Anonymous wrote:"Nana, she was a great mother to me, so let's make a deal: You don't insult my mother and I won't insult your son."

This. I wouldn't argue about anything. Instead, just draw the line in the sand.

Absolutely. Mean has no age limit.

"Nana, she was a great mother to me, so let's make a deal: You don't insult my mother and I won't insult your son."

Most of you guys are right. Therefore I'm calling off the hit man I hired on Craigslist. For what it's worth (and Grammy would approve of this), he's on the books and pays taxes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have 2 living grandparents, 1 maternal and 1 paternal, both in their 90s, and I won't engage in debates/arguments about politics or that sort of thing. I've also stayed out of the fray about thoughts/questions about whether they should drive, live alone, etc. But if one of them bad mouthed one of my parents or said something hurtful to me, I'd say something, for sure. It doesn't have to contentious, but the reality is, none of us knows how much time we have left in this world, and I choose not to maintains close ties with someone who knowingly and consistently hurts me.

+1! Also, at some point, it becomes meaningless in the balance of life. Even if your Grandma joins the growing population of Centenarians, do you really want to argue with her? Your parents can defend themselves at this point. Relax and avoid the fray.

Op's mother is dead, so no, she can't "defend herself". Op doesn't have to get angry at grandma, but neither does she have to listen to badmouthing about her deceased mother.