We've always had joint accounts. We've both been the breadwinner at some point in the relationship and our money is shared. I pay the bills (DH bounced a check once many years ago because he wasn't paying attention). We make big financial decisions together but we are both on the same page with our spending habits. We've never had a fight about money.

Anonymous wrote:All our accounts are joint. Why complicate things? So you can surprise each other with gifts? Seems silly.

Why are you renting if you make $300k? Just curious.

op here. With 2 in daycare, doesn't feel like we can afford anything in a good school district without an hour commute to downtown (work). :/

We have joint accounts. I make a lot more than my husband, but to me its "our" money. And if our earnings ever flip, it will be the same. I trust my husband not to run off with our joint accounts. Honestly can't imagine being married and not having that level of intimacy and trust. That was the example I had from my parents - there my Dad was an atty and mom was a SAHM but its not like he gave her an "allowance". His money was her money.

All our accounts are joint. Why complicate things? So you can surprise each other with gifts? Seems silly.

Why are you renting if you make $300k? Just curious.

I cannot imagine having separate finances from my DH - but then again he is a very trustworthy person and doesn't come home with a $1K TV without first discussing it as a couple.

Now if DH was previously married and has kids and a nasty EX, maybe then it would be justified...but then that's a little paranoid too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand why any married couple needs a separate account to purchase gifts.

I don't understand women who willingly forfeit control of some or all of their own earnings, how about that? That's as legitimate a feeling as your own.....

No, not legitimate.

If you believe joint accounts = forfeiture of control, this necessarily means that both the man and woman in a joint account can lose some or all control. Unless you believe that it's impossible for men and women to share equal control over a joint account, or that women can't possibly assume majority control over a joint account, as so many joint-account relationships do, then your feelings are not legitimate.

A joint account can be liquidated by either party at any time.

Both spouses should always have their own money, credit, etc.

While it's all unicorns and fairies to think that such things would never happen in a marriage, I guarantee you they do.

I used to think like this. Then DH ended up on disability and our income disparity was huge for a few years. A few years later in our marriage, he rebounded very nicely and started making $200-250k before commissions. I then became a SAHM and had no income for nearly 5 years. When I returned to the workforce, my salary was at 50% of my pre-kids salary. during all this time, I had a rental property purchased premarriage, that needed major repairs. Suffice to say, "the whats yours is yours and mine is mine attitude" what have made marriage for us very difficult to say the least.

It's not written in stone and inviolate, of course, and as someone above said, there are different ways people handle money at different times in their marriages--but if you are making money, male or female, I think it's advisable to retain control of some amount of your own money yourself. Obviously you then work as a team to put money as needed in the places you as a team need them, but I don't think it's unreasonable for the default location for a person's money to be in their own accounts, rather than defaulting to the shared account with some miniscule "mad money" account on the side.

The only person you can truly 10000% depend on in this world is yourself.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand why any married couple needs a separate account to purchase gifts.

I don't understand women who willingly forfeit control of some or all of their own earnings, how about that? That's as legitimate a feeling as your own.....

No, not legitimate.

If you believe joint accounts = forfeiture of control, this necessarily means that both the man and woman in a joint account can lose some or all control. Unless you believe that it's impossible for men and women to share equal control over a joint account, or that women can't possibly assume majority control over a joint account, as so many joint-account relationships do, then your feelings are not legitimate.

A joint account can be liquidated by either party at any time.

Both spouses should always have their own money, credit, etc.

While it's all unicorns and fairies to think that such things would never happen in a marriage, I guarantee you they do.

I used to think like this. Then DH ended up on disability and our income disparity was huge for a few years. A few years later in our marriage, he rebounded very nicely and started making $200-250k before commissions. I then became a SAHM and had no income for nearly 5 years. When I returned to the workforce, my salary was at 50% of my pre-kids salary. during all this time, I had a rental property purchased premarriage, that needed major repairs. Suffice to say, "the whats yours is yours and mine is mine attitude" what have made marriage for us very difficult to say the least.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand why any married couple needs a separate account to purchase gifts.

I don't understand women who willingly forfeit control of some or all of their own earnings, how about that? That's as legitimate a feeling as your own.....

No, not legitimate.

If you believe joint accounts = forfeiture of control, this necessarily means that both the man and woman in a joint account can lose some or all control. Unless you believe that it's impossible for men and women to share equal control over a joint account, or that women can't possibly assume majority control over a joint account, as so many joint-account relationships do, then your feelings are not legitimate.

A joint account can be liquidated by either party at any time.

Both spouses should always have their own money, credit, etc.

While it's all unicorns and fairies to think that such things would never happen in a marriage, I guarantee you they do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand why any married couple needs a separate account to purchase gifts.

I don't understand women who willingly forfeit control of some or all of their own earnings, how about that? That's as legitimate a feeling as your own.....

No, not legitimate.

If you believe joint accounts = forfeiture of control, this necessarily means that both the man and woman in a joint account can lose some or all control. Unless you believe that it's impossible for men and women to share equal control over a joint account, or that women can't possibly assume majority control over a joint account, as so many joint-account relationships do, then your feelings are not legitimate.

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand why any married couple needs a separate account to purchase gifts.

I don't understand women who willingly forfeit control of some or all of their own earnings, how about that? That's as legitimate a feeling as your own.....

I do not understand why any married couple needs a separate account to purchase gifts.

Anonymous wrote:We have one joint cc for all of the major expenses (gas, food, going out to eat, etc.) and two individual cards for personal purchases (clothes, etc.).

We have one joint account from which the major expenses are paid (joint cc bill, mortgage, utilities, etc.) and two separate accounts to do with as we please.

We add enough money to the joint account every 4 months so that it has $30K in it.

Very similar to our setup, which has worked for two decades. Though we each put a set amount into the joint checking account every month, once we get our paychecks. Enough to cover all standard bills, with a bit of cushion. If we need more in it, we add more.

We have joint accounts only.

Anonymous wrote:Something that is very simple but I found helpful:

When I asked my mother about how my parents arranged their finances in their marriage she said "we did different things at different times. For some years we had these 2 accounts that blah blah blah. Then I stopped working and we moved to this other account. Then for some years we moved money monthly from this account to the other..." Ah ha! You do not need to decide now what you will do for the rest of your lives with your bank accounts. You can do something for a few months or years and if it doesn't work for you, rearrange!

I agree 100%. Also it depends on your relationship. I know some men want to be in power in the family and won't let their wifes manage finances. And some women prefer not to have a headache. Some want everything equal. Etc and etc. Only you know what is good for you and your family OP.

We mostly do what you are currently doing but it seems to work fine. I kick in from my personal account for unexpected childcare costs just because I have more saved and make a little bit more. We both kick in for bigger house stuff our joint account can't cover.