similar issues in our home - we make a major effort to drive home the message that effort is more important than results - we'd rather see a mediocre result which came about from stellar effort than the other way around - focussing on effort will evenutally result in good results anyway so it's a win-win. We "celebrate" great effort verbally, or actively, like going out to dinner or with extra computer time. We also continue to expose DC to wide ranges of opportunities to learn and be interested in topics and activities not already familiar - you don't know what you can be good at until you know what you can be good at!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Switching schools is tough. If he has good friends, then I wouldn't move him. My DS is about to turn 12, and I think kids are just hard on themselves at this age, noticing others, and comparing themselves. I just remind my son that everyone has different strengths.

This is very good advice. Even the kids who seem completely sure of themselves find puberty and middle school years a challenge. There is no way around it. And as long as he has friends and seems happy, moving him because he's not a standout at something at 12 sends the wrong message.

It's also worth noting that even the kids who act super confident have the same insecure feelings you're feeling (some of the time). No one is immune to feeling out of place and comparing. It's a negative thought you should note and move on from quickly if you can.

good advice

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Switching schools is tough. If he has good friends, then I wouldn't move him. My DS is about to turn 12, and I think kids are just hard on themselves at this age, noticing others, and comparing themselves. I just remind my son that everyone has different strengths.

This is very good advice. Even the kids who seem completely sure of themselves find puberty and middle school years a challenge. There is no way around it. And as long as he has friends and seems happy, moving him because he's not a standout at something at 12 sends the wrong message.

It's also worth noting that even the kids who act super confident have the same insecure feelings you're feeling (some of the time). No one is immune to feeling out of place and comparing. It's a negative thought you should note and move on from quickly if you can.

Anonymous wrote:Can you help him find one area where he really excels? Can be anything, really, that he loves.

This may be impossible at 12. Lots of folks don't figure out what they truly love until adulthood. Better to teach him good habits, like working hard, keeping a positive attitude and persistence. These will serve him well when he does find something he excels at.

Anonymous wrote:Switching schools is tough. If he has good friends, then I wouldn't move him. My DS is about to turn 12, and I think kids are just hard on themselves at this age, noticing others, and comparing themselves. I just remind my son that everyone has different strengths.

This is very good advice. Even the kids who seem completely sure of themselves find puberty and middle school years a challenge. There is no way around it. And as long as he has friends and seems happy, moving him because he's not a standout at something at 12 sends the wrong message.

Anonymous wrote:move him to rec sports

but first ask him. my kid played at a small club (one team) at that age and had a blast. Not elite, but kinda middling. I wouldn't move him now if he is having fun, but be ready to as soon as your kid is ready.

Anonymous wrote:Get him his accommodations! He may be struggling more than you know. Especially if he has some LD's... You are asking him to do more than his peers. Perform while coping with XYZ without support.
It's one thing to avoid meds, it's another thing to avoid any kind of help/support for him.

Op here. Fair point. Will think about and investigate

Get him his accommodations! He may be struggling more than you know. Especially if he has some LD's... You are asking him to do more than his peers. Perform while coping with XYZ without support.
It's one thing to avoid meds, it's another thing to avoid any kind of help/support for him.

Switching schools is tough. If he has good friends, then I wouldn't move him. My DS is about to turn 12, and I think kids are just hard on themselves at this age, noticing others, and comparing themselves. I just remind my son that everyone has different strengths.

I felt like that. But came to understand I was the dumbest of the smartest group of kids, etc. I was fine with that.

Anonymous wrote:
Why isn't "good" good enough?

My kid thrives in a competitive environment by her choice. Good would be good enough to me but she wants something different for herself.

Anonymous wrote:You're the ones who have chosen to bring him up in this super-competitive environment, and it's up to you to decide whether a change of pace would be in his best interests. Everything you've posted suggests that he feels the way he does because you keep putting him in situations ideally designed to showcase how accomplished you were hoping he'd be. Some kids thrive in that atmosphere, and others do not. It will not get any easier once he's a teenager.

I agree with this assessment.

Let him breathe.

Anonymous wrote:
Why isn't "good" good enough?

It is to me! Op here. I'm just worried about his feelings and lack of perception that's he's actually does my very well relatively speaking.