Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did say my anger was unreasonable. I know it's unreasonable. But he was faking. Fine enough to go to sweet frog for a treat last night, but crippling this morning at the thought of school. But as soon as he was out of the car at school, he walked fine again.

So that leaves me at square one. How am I supposed to react when this happens? Every injury from a paper cut to a blister he didn't even know was there elicits an over the top reaction. He may have a low threshold for pain. The idea of injury may scare him too. But I don't know the best way to approach.

You probably won't like my answer, but I think therapy could help both of you. You, to manage your anger. Him, to work on managing fear of pain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did say my anger was unreasonable. I know it's unreasonable. But he was faking. Fine enough to go to sweet frog for a treat last night, but crippling this morning at the thought of school. But as soon as he was out of the car at school, he walked fine again.

So that leaves me at square one. How am I supposed to react when this happens? Every injury from a paper cut to a blister he didn't even know was there elicits an over the top reaction. He may have a low threshold for pain. The idea of injury may scare him too. But I don't know the best way to approach.

Okay. Your kid exaggerates. Your kid tells whoppers. Yeah, that's an eye-roller, and it's exasperating. But why get angry? That's part of being a kid. He's immature.

I would read some parenting books. Playful Parenting is a good one.

Pain (and anything really) is subjective. Nobody knows how bad it is but the person feeling something. Nobody has the right and ever should diminish someone else's physical, mental, emotional, whatever sensation. I have been blamed to "yell wolf" my entire childhood until FINALLY in adulthood, when I was not relying on my parents anymore to see a doctor it turned out I have Sensory Processing disorder and am actually very seriously hypersensitive to pain. Which means I feel it stronger than normal people, not that I feel the same amount but handle it worse.

Not saying that's what's going on. Just explaining why it is important to respect whatever sentiment someone shares with you. You might not feel the same. You might not be able to understand. But for that person in that moment they are sharing THEIR reality. It is just as real as yours is to you. If you think he faked his pain think about why. Could it be because he wasn't comfortable telling you he wanted to leave because you tend to get oh so furious if your kid doesn't bite his tongue, pull himself together, doesn't whimp or whine and works through it? Sounds likely to me from what you wrote.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did say my anger was unreasonable. I know it's unreasonable. But he was faking. Fine enough to go to sweet frog for a treat last night, but crippling this morning at the thought of school. But as soon as he was out of the car at school, he walked fine again.

So that leaves me at square one. How am I supposed to react when this happens? Every injury from a paper cut to a blister he didn't even know was there elicits an over the top reaction. He may have a low threshold for pain. The idea of injury may scare him too. But I don't know the best way to approach.

I react the same for all alleged injuries--warm but matter-of-fact. "Oh, you have X injury? That probably hurts. Let's do [proper treatment for injury] to make it feel better." And then I enforce the treatment for that injury, including any restrictions on activities. So, you claim you're in too much pain to walk...well, we'd better get home so you can rest. Oh, no we can't stop for ice cream, we have to get home so you can rest. And if the injury really is minor, like a paper cut, I just treat it (if I would normally) and then minimize any further reaction. "Well, we cleaned it and put on a band-aid. There's nothing else I can do."

It also sounds like this is attention-seeking behavior. Make sure that you're providing positive attention at other times. If you ever catch him brushing off a minor injury, praise him for being tough.

Maybe instead of focusing on the faking, maybe think about *why* he is faking. Was he trying to get out of a situation that was difficult with his friends, was he embarrassed by something, does he want attention, is he trying to exert some *power* in controlling life that generally dictates what/where/when he has to do things or be somewhere?

+1

This advice is spot on.

Maybe instead of focusing on the faking, maybe think about *why* he is faking. Was he trying to get out of a situation that was difficult with his friends, was he embarrassed by something, does he want attention, is he trying to exert some *power* in controlling life that generally dictates what/where/when he has to do things or be somewhere? I am not suggesting you coddle - but sounds like you are reacting to feeling like he is subverting you -- and so that is probably worth thinking about what is going on with your overall dynamic. Maybe things like giving him more time when he could be *in charge* or make decisions for himself (for things that aren't too inconvenient for you managing your family life), when it's a quieter time ask a leading question about one of the friends to test if he was having trouble managing a social dynamic that set this in motion (and escalated to trying to *play* it for all it was worth or to save face that he really felt hurt), etc.
Another explanation is he may actually be more sensitive to pain - some people really are than others.

I have a child whose pain ebbs and flows with how much he wants to do the activity at hand. Always worse on a monday morning before school. I get it, OP.

BUT. Have you ever faked feeling badly, OP? Either sick, or tired, or in pain? Or if not faked, at least hammed it up a bit? Would it have done a tiny bit of good to be called on faking it? No. That just makes you dig in and double down, because now you are invested in being sick! You must be sick!

So take him at his word. Believe him. Don't tell him he doesn't feel what he feels. What you can help him modify is his reaction to pain. I was stunned by the change in my son when I took one of his fastballs (he is a learning pitcher) to my cheek bone. It knocked me down and hurt horribly. But not wanting to dissuade him from learning to pitch I got up and made him keep pitching to me and told him that it hurt badly, but I still wanted to play and stopping playing wouldn't make it feel better. A week later he stubbed his toe while playing and kept going, telling me "I saw you do it, Mom, and I'm going to do it too." I don't want him to play through real pain and ignore it, but I do want to give him tools to deal with pain.

And we've made a general rule that no mater how sick and in pain you truly are on a Monday, if there is no vomit and no fever you go to school or work, because it is probably your brain creating pain. Your brain is tricky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did say my anger was unreasonable. I know it's unreasonable. But he was faking. Fine enough to go to sweet frog for a treat last night, but crippling this morning at the thought of school. But as soon as he was out of the car at school, he walked fine again.

So that leaves me at square one. How am I supposed to react when this happens? Every injury from a paper cut to a blister he didn't even know was there elicits an over the top reaction. He may have a low threshold for pain. The idea of injury may scare him too. But I don't know the best way to approach.

How about teaching him about these injuries---how to diagnose and treat everything from the common cold to paper cuts, broken legs and migraines? You can involve his ped in a plan for DS to become a young doctor in training? Maybe learning about potential injuries will lower his anxiety about getting hurt? He'll have a plan for dealing with whatever comes his way?

We just got DD a bunch of Doc McStuffins gear and she's been running around giving everyone check ups for the last couple of weeks! It's adorable. With your DS it serves a much greater purpose: anxiety control. We have a lot of biology toys in the house, like the figure with all of the organs that you can put together like a puzzle, different anatomy coloring books and books. There's a Mama Llama book about having a cold. Maybe you could locate age-appropriate items for your DS? I'm sure there are good websites out there, and probably apps as well.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did say my anger was unreasonable. I know it's unreasonable. But he was faking. Fine enough to go to sweet frog for a treat last night, but crippling this morning at the thought of school. But as soon as he was out of the car at school, he walked fine again.

So that leaves me at square one. How am I supposed to react when this happens? Every injury from a paper cut to a blister he didn't even know was there elicits an over the top reaction. He may have a low threshold for pain. The idea of injury may scare him too. But I don't know the best way to approach.

OP here. I did say my anger was unreasonable. I know it's unreasonable. But he was faking. Fine enough to go to sweet frog for a treat last night, but crippling this morning at the thought of school. But as soon as he was out of the car at school, he walked fine again.

Why on earth would you doubt him unless this is a habit. You iced his knee, so of course it felt better.

Fake pain is normally what happens when the pain only occurs when they want attention or when they do not want to do something

1. He has a low pain threshhold. Nothing you can do about it, except teach him to communicate about it in a non-whiny way.

2. He may also have weak joints and may need targeted exercise to strengthen them and prevent injuries. I have weak knees in particular, and "locking" a knee is highly painful until is becomes unlocked and then it's as if nothing had happened. Please believe him, OP.

3. My son does swimming, gym and ballet for his hypotonia (low muscle tone) and weak joints. Team sports are usually not targeted enough to help, and actually increase the risk of injury.

This post makes me very sad.

It sounds like your dad was pretty harsh about this sort of stuff, and you are too. Sometimes stuff hurts a lot when it happens and then feels better relatively quickly. Stopping the activity that caused acute pain (as opposed to muscle soreness the next day) is generally a good idea to prevent a more severe injury. Maybe he's scared of getting hurt because you get mad at him when he does?

Why are you so angry with him? For crying? That's a strange reaction.

That said, you know a kid is faking because he's supposedly too much in pain to do something he doesn't really want to do, but is magically able to do something he does want to do. If your kid was having fun at the bounce house, I can't imagine that he would fake an injury.