Anonymous wrote:OMG... who the hell is planning Thanksgiving and Christmas already.


You need to chill out.

I'm not OP, but I certainly am planning already! Between work schedules, school and airfare, it is by no means too early--especially for Thanksgiving.

Don't hate because you aren't as organized and together as some people...

"Okay - I understand. I'm just trying to get a jump start on plans here no our end so we can arrange vacation time. If you have nothing firm that we need to work around then I'll get things together on our end and we'll chat more later."

Then plan what YOU want!

When later comes and they decide they want you to come or come to you, you can say so sorry, you have already made plans so maybe next year or invite them for the time you want.

Op, you didn't tell her WHY you were emailing! You really didn't!! The message you want to convey, and are now complaining about is: Our family needs to know if we are expected for the holidays, and we need to know by XX date in order to arrange affordable travel.

And I don't think it should be you - it should be your husband (even if you write it, read it to him and say, "I''m signing your name to it unless you write your own."

OMG... who the hell is planning Thanksgiving and Christmas already.


You need to chill out.

I think there's a difference between "I have to get through football season first" and "I haven't planned anything yet, but we'd love to spend one or the other with you. Let's talk when football season is over."

Anonymous wrote:You're being an asshole to get bent out of shape because she didn't say she's excited to see you. So WHAT? You're clearly not excited to see her. Just write back "Clear eyes, full hearts!" and check back with her at the end of October.

Nope, PP. The OP cannot wait until end of October to make family travel plans to Texas. Airfare has to be considered early. Maybe calling MIL next week as a follow up would be best.

It's OK that she's not ready to decide just now, but the ball IS in her court. Give her two weeks max, then write and say, "I need to solidify plans because of our schedules. Please let me know within the next X days." If she doesn't respond to that, make your own plans, and too bad for her!

You're being an asshole to get bent out of shape because she didn't say she's excited to see you. So WHAT? You're clearly not excited to see her. Just write back "Clear eyes, full hearts!" and check back with her at the end of October.

OP, I would instead call. Failing that, I would at least explain in the email why you want to plan so early - tell her you want to get a good deal on flights. Don't expect her to be a mind reader.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's too early if you have to fly. It takes a while to look out for a good ticket, arrange for time off work, etc.

Agreed. I work at a university, and my work calendar is filled with events/board meetings up through late October already. Work schedules alone = it is not too early for people to be planning their holidays. Definitely give her a few weeks to respond, but the ball is in her court...

I don't think it's too early if you have to fly. It takes a while to look out for a good ticket, arrange for time off work, etc.

I don't think it's too early, if you are "in charge" of making plans for a family with kids, and she's just in charge of preparing her home.

I'd wait for her to respond. If she doesn't within a few weeks, just plan to stay home. When she gets in touch, say they are welcome to visit you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - agree, it was a quick response. And yes, she is addled. But if a relative asked ME what my holiday plans were, I'd assume they were trying to get together and I'd indicate if I was interested & available or not. This response = Not Interested. My kids hate going there anyway - her house is a museum (sterile with lots of valuable breakables) and she's not very warm.

You're looking for a reason not to get together. Her response does not indicate not interested. It equals she hasn't thought about it yet and your very premature question caught her off guard.

This.

You sound incredibly petty, OP. What happened to your Christmas spirit? Ho, ho, ho.

My MIL emailed in January asking about visiting for Thanksgiving. Way too early.

I think if you have to make travel plans asking now is not unreasonable.

If I emailed my MIL asking about Thanksgiving she would have travel plans made within 24-72 hours, menu planning and pull out the guest bedding.

If she responded the way yours did, I would think she may not want to celebrate the holiday with us. Frankly, if I really want to see and spend time with someone I am much more willing to make plans early. If I don't really want to see you, I will drag my feet and make the plans as late as possible.

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? If my adult children asked me this same question they'd get the same answer. Can we get past Labor Day first?

Why? because Labor day is some major holiday? I am not a huge planner and I don't think it's too early for OP to ask.
She asked, they answered. Too bad, so sad for the IL's. OP should make her own plans.