Anonymous wrote:OP, do you ever call your SIL to talk? Or to check in with her? Or to offer something?

It does sound like you call only when you need something. So while her greeting may be rude, you might see what you're doing to help contribute to that. It might be irksome that you only reach out when it comes with a request.

Caveat: My SIL would only contact me when she wanted/needed something, and I wish I sort of wish I had the nerve to respond "What do you want?" Never did. I now don't do anything for her anymore, and not coincidentally, I never hear from her anymore.

This. "What's up" seems pretty normal, to me. Sometimes I answer the phone that way when I know its my husband calling during the work day--he doesn't call just to chat, and we're both busy, so we get right to the point. If you're calling during the day and she's busy with other stuff, I can understand her cutting to the chase.

"What's up" is a friendly greeting to someone you feel close to. I would not take any offense to it. Sounds like you 're looking for trouble where there is none. My close friends and I always use this greeting amongst ourselves.

What do you need definitely seems rude. But I'm curious of her side. Maybe you always call at a time when you know she's busy and it's something that could be Discussed via text.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say what's up and I don't mean anything bad by it, but I think "what do you need" would irk me.

+1. My mother answers "Hey, what's wrong?' and I basically hate her for it and never call her anymore.

When my mom calls anyone, she just starts talking as soon as a they answer. No hello. Just "I just came back in from running errands and you wouldn't believe who I ran into at Home Depot. Do you remember that really really tall girl..."

Ugh. I screen her calls and then often she'll leave the same rambling message on voicemail, then email me with a transcript. Next time I talk to her on the phone she'll go through the whole story, again.

I'm about ready to just stop calling

Don't be dramatic. You are saying you don't like the dramatic.

Anonymous wrote:I say what's up and I don't mean anything bad by it, but I think "what do you need" would irk me.

+1. My mother answers "Hey, what's wrong?' and I basically hate her for it and never call her anymore.

I say what's up and I don't mean anything bad by it, but I think "what do you need" would irk me.

Anonymous wrote:Trust me; as someone who says this, she really doesn't want to talk to you. I say this when I know someone is not getting to the point or is not being direct and honest about his motivations. So either she doesn't want to dance around the topic with you or she doesn't want to talk to you at all. It is deliberately dismissive and meant to shorten the time spent in contact with you. It is not your imagination. You need to let her go. Make her as irrelevant to you as you are to her. It's what she really wants.

Why doesn't she just send to voicemail like the rest of the world, then?

Ahoy Hoy?

My husband answers all his family's calls with a short-sounding "What's up?" because when they call it's about something specific. They're not just calling to chat. That's probably the style here with absolutely no rudeness meant.

In my family I notice we all say "Hello" as if we're polite strangers, no matter what. I've tried the other way, and always feel rude. LOL.

Block the caller ID when you call her and see how she answers then.

Trust me; as someone who says this, she really doesn't want to talk to you. I say this when I know someone is not getting to the point or is not being direct and honest about his motivations. So either she doesn't want to dance around the topic with you or she doesn't want to talk to you at all. It is deliberately dismissive and meant to shorten the time spent in contact with you. It is not your imagination. You need to let her go. Make her as irrelevant to you as you are to her. It's what she really wants.

My MIL will answer the phone by just saying "WHAT?". She never does it to me, thankfully, but to my DH. I think it's the rudest thing EVER. She's usually annoyed about something else and is taking it out on him, but it always makes my skin crawl. If you don't have time to talk, don't answer the phone. That's what voicemail is for...

Why keep calling her expecting a different result? Yes, it sounds kind of rude, but just deal with it and move on.

Texting or e-mailing about plans/logistics is better anyway. It gives people time to think about what they want to do/suggest different alternatives, etc.

Are you calling her during business hours at work? There had better be an emergency if one of my in-laws called during work. If you are calling at a decent time during the week (after work and AFTER kids are in bed, but not too late), or on the weekends, then she should be nicer, but maybe try texting/e-mailing and see if she warms up a bit with that approach.

OP, do you ever call your SIL to talk? Or to check in with her? Or to offer something?

It does sound like you call only when you need something. So while her greeting may be rude, you might see what you're doing to help contribute to that. It might be irksome that you only reach out when it comes with a request.

Caveat: My SIL would only contact me when she wanted/needed something, and I wish I sort of wish I had the nerve to respond "What do you want?" Never did. I now don't do anything for her anymore, and not coincidentally, I never hear from her anymore.

No I meant WTF why is SIL such a witch with a b. Frankly I would not call her ever. Let her call you. Just talk with your brother, she does not want a relationship.