Anonymous wrote:op here:

I am really upset because doctor made me step out. my DD did want me to step out and I did not want to step out.
DH stopped me from raising any objections. I regret not stressing that I want to stay.

At 14, your daughter really should have privacy during her physical with her physician. It's not just an opportunity for her to learn the habit of advocating for her own health, but also gives her the chance to address any concerns she doesn't feel she wants to (and may not, no matter how serious) in front of a parent.

Anonymous wrote:op here:

I am really upset because doctor made me step out. my DD did want me to step out and I did not want to step out.
DH stopped me from raising any objections. I regret not stressing that I want to stay.

If you and your 14 yr old are SO upset about her being alone with the dr whether to talk or for the exam or both, you seriously need to consider a new dr. You're both not comfortable with this guy (woman?) for some reason so why not find someone else?

Even if you child is comfortable talking about mental health, sex and drugs in front of you, there are times when the doctor needs to be sure of that. Thinking of when my teen had a rash on his back and I was asked to step out. Turns out the doctor was pretty sure it was pitariasis rosea but there was an off chance it could be syphilis-related and he wanted to ask questions to make sure that wasn't the case.

At my DS's 13 year physical he asked me to leave the room for the actual exam. I was fine with it and respected his privacy. The doctor talked to me in private before to ask if I have any concerns or questions, went and did the exam, then came back when it was over to let me know everything looked fine. No harm, no foul.

Anonymous wrote:Very valid reasoning. My own DD had me accompanying her until 18 when I finally said enough. After a year in college and a steady BF she was more than willing to go to her gyno appointment alone. She said later after a vaginal sonogram she would have liked company. So I think it's best to ask and then abide by the patient's wishes. My daughter never had a problem answering the sex drugs and depression questions in front of me. Wouldn't you want to know the answers? I get that some might not be honest but I didn't have that relationship with my daughter.

I'm 18:42. Yes, but more than I would like to know the answers I would like my child to get the answers and the discussion and the information she needs. I (would like to) think we have the sort of relationship where she is comfortable talking to me about anything, but, frankly, I doubt it and that might be good. I think it's healthy for teens to have people in their lives to talk to other than their parents, and even to be able to explore certain topics and questions with trustworthy people who are not their parents.

Growing up (until I was 21) I would have said that I was comfortable talking to my mom about anything and had no secrets from her nor wanted any. But, looking back, what that really meant was I was only comfortable thinking about, considering, or asking things I thought my mother would agree with and approve of, not just with respect to medical stuff but in life in general. That did me no favors, and even though I've tried to raise my dd slightly differently than I was raised that is not something I want to risk for her. My mom attended all doctor's appointments with me through college, even though there were times I didn't want her there and things I had the vague feeling I should maybe be asking but wouldn't have dreamed of saying in front of her... and the end result was that I knew some things were wrong but didn't bring them up with a doctor until my mid-20's and I was terrified to go to the doctor on my own once I started my adult life.

Every kid seems to say they would talk to their parents about anything... but would they, and would they want to?

In your case you would abide by your child's wishes, so I'm not saying you would be the same situation I had, but that's my answer for why I believe so strongly in always asking if my child wants me to step out (starting as young as the dr. would allow, although she didn't accept until a few years later). My mother never asked/offered, and at first it didn't occur to me that it was an option to have her step out and later I didn't know how to ask.

Anonymous

I prefer to step out. It takes a village, and the pediatrician, whom I trust, can be a good resource or support for any topics on which DD needs an objective answer but doesn't feel comfortable asking me or her dad.

+1 If you don't trust your pediatrician, you should get a new one.

Very valid reasoning. My own DD had me accompanying her until 18 when I finally said enough. After a year in college and a steady BF she was more than willing to go to her gyno appointment alone. She said later after a vaginal sonogram she would have liked company. So I think it's best to ask and then abide by the patient's wishes. My daughter never had a problem answering the sex drugs and depression questions in front of me. Wouldn't you want to know the answers? I get that some might not be honest but I didn't have that relationship with my daughter.

Anonymous wrote:In Va a male doctor cannot be alone with an underaged female patient without a female nurse in attendance.

I think that's a sensible policy for anyone -- heck, I'm an adult and don't do certain appointments without the offered nurse chaperone, just for everyone's peace of mind -- but a nurse or other medical professional being in attendance is much different than a parent being there. I think it should be the patient's choice according to their own comfort level.

In Va a male doctor cannot be alone with an underaged female patient without a female nurse in attendance.

Anonymous wrote:I look my DD to her 13th appt. (I am her father). After we got through the more mechanical part of the exam: what vaccines need to be done, etc, I left the room. I assumed that was so they could examine her body and talk to her in private. DD told me they asked her about sex, about dugs and about mental illness.
Frankly I can not imagine any kid would want the parent present for those conversation or the physical exams.

This, but I'm the mom of a soon to be 15 y/o.

My late teen DD with complicated medical issues wants me to be present for all med appointments because she counts on me to keep everything straight and ask the questions she wouldn't think of like interaction of meds, whether insurance pre-approval is likely to be needed for a procedure, whether XYZ might be a next step.

I expect to be asked to step out at certain doctors so they can ask about mental health, sex and drug type questions. Doctors are used to doing this and it is no big deal.

I prefer to step out. It takes a village, and the pediatrician, whom I trust, can be a good resource or support for any topics on which DD needs an objective answer but doesn't feel comfortable asking me or her dad.

Anonymous wrote:I am present but step out for the physical exam. Mom with 2 boys.

Same here. I do go in at the beginning to discuss how the year has gone and any concerns. Then I leave and pay the bill. That's about it.

Anonymous wrote:op here:

I am really upset because doctor made me step out. my DD did want me to step out and I did not want to step out.
DH stopped me from raising any objections. I regret not stressing that I want to stay.

You need to talk to your daughter about this, since going to the doctor shouldn't be stressful and now it is. This is the age for stepping out. It is healthy for the child and the only way to ensure the exam is complete. If this doctor makes your daughter uncomfortable for some reason or another, you can find a different one. It remains the case, however, that your daughter needs to get comfortable with this idea.

Anonymous wrote:Legally you must be present.

According to what law? My DD just had her 13th year doctor's appointment and she told me in the waiting room that she didn't want me to go into the examining room with her. I said ''okay" and didn't go in with her. No one had a problem with it. At the end of the appointment, the doctor called me in to go over a few things - "Everything looks fine. Her iron test was good. Any questions?"