It's not like everyone had bought nonrefundable tickets.

Now it's left to you - do what you want. They don't "owe" you anything. They don't owe you what you had expected. My brother came down with pneumonia and missed my wedding. I wish it had been different. Things happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing is that the people who are really pissed about this (his siblings, all of whom were not able to attend) can't really be angry about this outloud, because we are all supposed to be really happy for them. And, I guess, I am really happy for them. I just would have liked a chance to be there in person. -- OP

Well that's ridiculous. That's a slam to his siblings. I'D be furious if my brother did this. I'm gonna guess the bride's parents and siblings were all there?

Yeah, well, since it isn't about you or his siblings, it really doesn't matter what you think. They're going to have a reception in CA later. Attend if you want to celebrate the marriage. Stay home if you disapprove of how they chose to get married. But still, it's not about you, OP.

+100.

True dat!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing is that the people who are really pissed about this (his siblings, all of whom were not able to attend) can't really be angry about this outloud, because we are all supposed to be really happy for them. And, I guess, I am really happy for them. I just would have liked a chance to be there in person. -- OP

Well that's ridiculous. That's a slam to his siblings. I'D be furious if my brother did this. I'm gonna guess the bride's parents and siblings were all there?

Yeah, well, since it isn't about you or his siblings, it really doesn't matter what you think. They're going to have a reception in CA later. Attend if you want to celebrate the marriage. Stay home if you disapprove of how they chose to get married. But still, it's not about you, OP.

+100.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing is that the people who are really pissed about this (his siblings, all of whom were not able to attend) can't really be angry about this outloud, because we are all supposed to be really happy for them. And, I guess, I am really happy for them. I just would have liked a chance to be there in person. -- OP

Well that's ridiculous. That's a slam to his siblings. I'D be furious if my brother did this. I'm gonna guess the bride's parents and siblings were all there?

Yeah, well, since it isn't about you or his siblings, it really doesn't matter what you think. They're going to have a reception in CA later. Attend if you want to celebrate the marriage. Stay home if you disapprove of how they chose to get married. But still, it's not about you, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is popular. Especially for slightly older couples. I'm 30 and a few friends have done this. They just want to be married and start their lives already. Good friend keeps telling me "If we have an engagement party- COME."

Oh, this is asinine. Just call it a fucking wedding and be up-front about it. Why be coy and pretend it's an engagement party if you KNOW you're GETTING MARRIED.

They must think they are George Clooney or something.

+1000. Anything to avoid choppers overhead. If you are going to have a surprise wedding, it should be a surprise to everyone except the couple. Not fair to only surprise one side of the family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing is that the people who are really pissed about this (his siblings, all of whom were not able to attend) can't really be angry about this outloud, because we are all supposed to be really happy for them. And, I guess, I am really happy for them. I just would have liked a chance to be there in person. -- OP

Well that's ridiculous. That's a slam to his siblings. I'D be furious if my brother did this. I'm gonna guess the bride's parents and siblings were all there?

+1. They should not be disappointed if their reception is poorly attended.

I had a friend have a destination wedding for immediate family only and then a few months later held a party. We flee in for it. It was basically a wedding reception without the ceremony. We wanted to celebrate with them and we still refer to it as when we attended Larla's wedding when we reference that trip.
You might feel differently when the surprise of the wedding settles down. It will be the time you get to celebrate with them.

"Parties" cost much less than "wedding receptions." Literally. caterers, florists, receptions venues will quote higher for a wedding. So if they just have a "party" it will cost less.

Are they young?

This obviously isn't about saving money, since they're going to be paying for a wedding reception in Cali anyhow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing is that the people who are really pissed about this (his siblings, all of whom were not able to attend) can't really be angry about this outloud, because we are all supposed to be really happy for them. And, I guess, I am really happy for them. I just would have liked a chance to be there in person. -- OP

Well that's ridiculous. That's a slam to his siblings. I'D be furious if my brother did this. I'm gonna guess the bride's parents and siblings were all there?

To be fair, she doesn't have siblings. But yes.

To each their own when it comes to how they choose to have their wedding, but when one side of the family appears to be "left out", it still really sucks. This happened to us, OP, and yes, you totally have a right to feel disappointed. My husband's brother had a surprise wedding...2 weeks after ours (where he was the best man). The bride managed to get all of her family to show up, and only my husband's parents represented the groom's side. I've never seen my husband as hurt as he was when he found out he missed his brother's wedding.

For an out of town couple, Id prioritize a wedding over an engagement party. And if they choose to do some sort of surprise thing with no heads up, well, good for them. Buuuuuuuut I think it's not unreasonable for family and friends to be a bit miffed if they were planning to attend the announced/planned wedding but couldn't manage both events.

If the party had been just a party where they got surprise married, Id have no issue at all.

Anonymous wrote:Were his parents there at least?

His mom was. And some of his (many) aunts and uncles.

Were his parents there at least?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing is that the people who are really pissed about this (his siblings, all of whom were not able to attend) can't really be angry about this outloud, because we are all supposed to be really happy for them. And, I guess, I am really happy for them. I just would have liked a chance to be there in person. -- OP

Well that's ridiculous. That's a slam to his siblings. I'D be furious if my brother did this. I'm gonna guess the bride's parents and siblings were all there?

To be fair, she doesn't have siblings. But yes.