Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't attend the wedding. Problem solved!

For some families, this would set off WWIII and it just isn't worth the problems it will cause.

Doormat mentality.

+1
Who needs to remain close to this family?

I do

I just reread your post. Do you even have a question?

We got married here in Virginia out in the mountains, and it was a "destination wedding" for most of my family who are from the NY tri-state area. We arranged for a lovely place that was about $250/night, plus cabins that were around $150/night, and at first I was a little hurt when some of my relatives thought even that was too pricey. (Only b/c I had gone to their weddings at a MUCH higher price point.) I was hurt because I thought our whole weekend together would be less of a "close family time" because we weren't all staying together.

But I quickly got over it. And I honestly wouldn't have noticed a difference. I only had 70 guests, but once the weekend was in full swing, I never noticed where anyone was aside from my DH - it was a whirlwind. So it made no difference to our enjoyment or specialness to have them stay farther away, and I am embarrassed at my initial reaction to their rejection of my housing recommendations.

I hope your bride will feel the same and be as gracious.

Anonymous wrote:Stay somewhere that is less expensive. And if anyone says anything, simply say, "Our priority is saving money for college and maintaining a great home and education now for our children. It's great that other guests can afford the luxury hotel, but that is just where we are right now." Period. If more people were straightforward about where they are with financial priorities and didn't try to "keep up with the Joneses," there would be an amazing cultural shift in our country from materialism/consumerism to savings and goal-setting.

Yikes! Why go out with guns blazing? Just say that your family has decided to stay in X hotel but we are looking forward to all the exciting activities planned. And, how is that wedding planning going anyway..."

Stay somewhere that is less expensive. And if anyone says anything, simply say, "Our priority is saving money for college and maintaining a great home and education now for our children. It's great that other guests can afford the luxury hotel, but that is just where we are right now." Period. If more people were straightforward about where they are with financial priorities and didn't try to "keep up with the Joneses," there would be an amazing cultural shift in our country from materialism/consumerism to savings and goal-setting.

Skip it, or just send the aunt/uncle by blood for two days. I don't know why this is even a question, OP. Your relatives got rich by being selfish - don't be a chump and think you have to sacrifice $$ for them.

I think the condo idea is ideal. You have kids so it's easy to say "we decided we'd rather have more space" - staying in a condo is so much easier with children than staying in a hotel room.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't attend the wedding. Problem solved!

For some families, this would set off WWIII and it just isn't worth the problems it will cause.

Doormat mentality.

+1
Who needs to remain close to this family?

I do

I've attended several destination weddings at beach resorts. Every single wedding had an official hotel that was way off my budget. The galling thing is that they would claim a low hotel rate - i.e. $149/night. But it would turn out that with hotel tax and mandatory resort charges, which are charged per person, that the actual rate would more than double. Sometimes triple.

I could never justify spending $2K for 5 nights at some middling beach resort, so I always go the airbnb or nearby hotel route.

$400 per night is quite expensive, but if you were just staying 3 nights, how much would you really save if you were at a cheaper place? When you consider the entire cost of the trip, is an extra $300-$400 really going to make much of a difference? Also, nobody is going to be offended if you stay at a different place. The truth is that you will feel left out of some of the festivities and you don't want that (I don't blame you). Go to the wedding, stay 2 nights and come home again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't attend the wedding. Problem solved!

For some families, this would set off WWIII and it just isn't worth the problems it will cause.

Doormat mentality.

+1
Who needs to remain close to this family?

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really sympathize. As a wedding event planner, here is one other piece of advice: Decide what you are going to do SOON, and let them know. Start researching cheaper accommodations now (condo/ cheaper hotel, etc.) and let them know you will be staying there.

The last thing you want is them blaming you because they have to fill a certain number of rooms for a block at a pricey hotel, and they claim you didn't let them know in advance that you aren't staying there.

This really should be no big deal. Just tell them your kids will be more comfortable in a rented condo or hotel that isn't so fancy.

Why not tell them the truth?

OP here. Right now, we are trying to figure out how long we'd want to stay, whether we want to try to make a mini-vacation out of it, etc. I'm thinking a condo in the area or just another hotel would do the trick, and maybe they will come to understand our thinking as the day gets closer. Probably not, but maybe. We are close to our niece and our kids adore her and vice versa, so we must go and the kids must go.

DH and I have often stayed nearby instead of at the official wedding hotel. Sometimes it's across the street even. Most wedding hotels are $150-250 a night. Which is great, but sometimes the $50 hotel is more in our budget. We have no issues with staying in the cheaper place.

Btw I come from a wealthy family. Are you sure that the parents of the bride aren't footing the bill for the hotels? My parents paid for everyone's hotel on our wedding night (except they didn't pay for groom's side). We were at the Hotel Monaco though so not obscenely expensive.

Also, if your kids are in the wedding, then have them go and you skip it.

OP, I really sympathize. As a wedding event planner, here is one other piece of advice: Decide what you are going to do SOON, and let them know. Start researching cheaper accommodations now (condo/ cheaper hotel, etc.) and let them know you will be staying there.

The last thing you want is them blaming you because they have to fill a certain number of rooms for a block at a pricey hotel, and they claim you didn't let them know in advance that you aren't staying there.

This really should be no big deal. Just tell them your kids will be more comfortable in a rented condo or hotel that isn't so fancy.