Anonymous
08/23/2015 16:13
Subject: My "one and only" niece
I think of my aunt's and uncle's spouses as my aunts and uncles if they were married when I was younger. One aunt remarried when I was a teen and her husband has always just been "John" - not Uncle John. But, in adulthood, I don't usually use "aunt" or "uncle" when addressing them anymore. I would describe them to others as my aunt or uncle. If they divorced, I would consider the divorced spouse my aunt/uncle.
I would consider my husband's sister's children my nieces and nephews were she to have any.
I would consider my husband's sister's children my nieces and nephews were she to have any.
Anonymous
08/23/2015 16:09
Subject: My "one and only" niece
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't view my husbands nieces the same as mine by my brother. I also never grew up thinking the people married to my aunts and uncles were also my aunt a and uncles. I don't feel like this is terribly odd.
I think it's really odd and sad. Most people probably list a sibling (and spouse) as a guardian for the kids when they die. So if you don't think of your spouses nieces/nephews as your own nieces nephews, the resulting relationship will probably be very cold.
I think of all the kids in that sort of family generation, related or through marriage, are my nieces and nephews.
Sadly I have to agree with pp, I grew up considering my uncle's wife as my aunt and adored her until they divorced and she shunned his entire family including me and my sisters. She also turned their daughter against her dad (and the rest of his family) so I haven't seen my cousin in years because of her.
Anonymous
08/23/2015 15:42
Subject: My "one and only" niece
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:shrug. In the area where I grew up, the construct of "my aunt's husband" and "my husband's nephew" is the predominate norm. It does not in any way imply a lack of closeness or loving relationship, but it does make clear to outsider's who is blood related and who is not. Is "my aunt" my mom's sister or my mom's brother's wife? Only one way of describing these things makes the relationship clear.
We also generally call our spouse's sibling's spouse exactly that. My sister in law is my husband's sister. Her husband I describe as my sister in law's husband, otherwise, how would anyone know whether he was my husband's brother.
all for clarity, and I swear to god, this is completely normal where I come from. As in, the majority of people I know do it this way. I cannot be the only one.
This is weird. Why would you disclose all that when naking an introduction? A simple "this is my Aunt Hattie" is fine.
What's the big deal between "this is my aunt hattie", which is ambiguous, and "this is my uncles wife Hattie", which isn't?
Anonymous
08/23/2015 15:18
Subject: My "one and only" niece
Anonymous wrote:shrug. In the area where I grew up, the construct of "my aunt's husband" and "my husband's nephew" is the predominate norm. It does not in any way imply a lack of closeness or loving relationship, but it does make clear to outsider's who is blood related and who is not. Is "my aunt" my mom's sister or my mom's brother's wife? Only one way of describing these things makes the relationship clear.
We also generally call our spouse's sibling's spouse exactly that. My sister in law is my husband's sister. Her husband I describe as my sister in law's husband, otherwise, how would anyone know whether he was my husband's brother.
all for clarity, and I swear to god, this is completely normal where I come from. As in, the majority of people I know do it this way. I cannot be the only one.
This is weird. Why would you disclose all that when naking an introduction? A simple "this is my Aunt Hattie" is fine.
Anonymous
08/23/2015 15:14
Subject: My "one and only" niece
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Weird if your Aunt by marriage says this about her sister's daughter when she has 5 nieces (by marriage)? Comment struck me as very odd.
She is your uncle's wife. You are an in-law to her. You are not her niece. At best you are her "niece-in-law" and nobody uses that phrase or counts "niece-in-law" as a significant relationship.
I doubt her use of the phrase as malicious. She probably wasn't thinking about you being so fragile or easily butthurt when she said it. You need to toughen up, buttercup.
I think you're probably the minority on this. Nieces/nephews by marriage are still nieces/nephews. If your sibling adopted a child, would you not count them as your niece/nephew, because you're not genetically related? That's just gross.
The distinction is really weird and bizarre. My SIL has a step-son. He's my nephew, even though he's still new to the family. But he's just as much my niece/nephew as those I've known since birth, or am related to.
NP here, but I am not my husband's uncle's niece. Weird.
So what do you call him? My husband calls my Uncle Uncle Frank.
Anonymous
08/23/2015 14:55
Subject: My "one and only" niece
shrug. In the area where I grew up, the construct of "my aunt's husband" and "my husband's nephew" is the predominate norm. It does not in any way imply a lack of closeness or loving relationship, but it does make clear to outsider's who is blood related and who is not. Is "my aunt" my mom's sister or my mom's brother's wife? Only one way of describing these things makes the relationship clear.
We also generally call our spouse's sibling's spouse exactly that. My sister in law is my husband's sister. Her husband I describe as my sister in law's husband, otherwise, how would anyone know whether he was my husband's brother.
all for clarity, and I swear to god, this is completely normal where I come from. As in, the majority of people I know do it this way. I cannot be the only one.
We also generally call our spouse's sibling's spouse exactly that. My sister in law is my husband's sister. Her husband I describe as my sister in law's husband, otherwise, how would anyone know whether he was my husband's brother.
all for clarity, and I swear to god, this is completely normal where I come from. As in, the majority of people I know do it this way. I cannot be the only one.
Anonymous
08/23/2015 13:39
Subject: Re:My "one and only" niece
By definition, the children of your spouse's siblings are your nieces and nephews. The children of your spouse's sibling's spouse's are your nieces and nephews.
You might have a stronger bond with the children of your own siblings but making a big deal about it feels petty.
When did being inclusive become a bad thing?
You might have a stronger bond with the children of your own siblings but making a big deal about it feels petty.
When did being inclusive become a bad thing?
Anonymous
08/23/2015 10:33
Subject: My "one and only" niece
Anonymous wrote:Weird if your Aunt by marriage says this about her sister's daughter when she has 5 nieces (by marriage)? Comment struck me as very odd.
She is correct. What is your problem.. ONLY sibling's children are my nieces and nephews. My BIL/SIL siblings children are not related to me at all.
Anonymous
08/22/2015 20:28
Subject: My "one and only" niece
Anonymous wrote:Weird if your Aunt by marriage says this about her sister's daughter when she has 5 nieces (by marriage)? Comment struck me as very odd.
No, but I am THAT niece, and have a special relationship with my mother's sister. However, I think it depends on when your uncle married her. Was it last year? Was it before you were born? If they have been married 50 years, yes, it think it is weird. If they have been married 5 years, not so much.
Anonymous
08/22/2015 19:49
Subject: Re:My "one and only" niece
If she gets divorce it will actually be true.
Anonymous
08/22/2015 19:40
Subject: My "one and only" niece
MY grandmother did this. Or, I should say, "grandmother" did this (my step-dad's mom. My step-dad was 100% my dad from a young age). She said it in front of me. Still hurts.
Anonymous
08/22/2015 09:32
Subject: Re:My "one and only" niece
She was rude and insensitive.
Anonymous
08/22/2015 09:29
Subject: My "one and only" niece
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't view my husbands nieces the same as mine by my brother. I also never grew up thinking the people married to my aunts and uncles were also my aunt a and uncles. I don't feel like this is terribly odd.
I think it's really odd and sad. Most people probably list a sibling (and spouse) as a guardian for the kids when they die. So if you don't think of your spouses nieces/nephews as your own nieces nephews, the resulting relationship will probably be very cold.
I think of all the kids in that sort of family generation, related or through marriage, are my nieces and nephews.
I disagree entirely. Especially when all these peoples spouses change at least two or three times in a lifetime. You are kidding yourself, and there's no way in hell I'd put a siblings spouse on any guardianship docs. Just delusional.
Anonymous
08/22/2015 06:46
Subject: My "one and only" niece
Anonymous wrote:I don't view my husbands nieces the same as mine by my brother. I also never grew up thinking the people married to my aunts and uncles were also my aunt a and uncles. I don't feel like this is terribly odd.
I think it's really odd and sad. Most people probably list a sibling (and spouse) as a guardian for the kids when they die. So if you don't think of your spouses nieces/nephews as your own nieces nephews, the resulting relationship will probably be very cold.
I think of all the kids in that sort of family generation, related or through marriage, are my nieces and nephews.
Anonymous
08/22/2015 06:43
Subject: Re:My "one and only" niece
Anonymous wrote:That's pretty terrible.
No it's not.