Is he backtracking because you are perseverating on the wives being unaware? If he's changing his story because he doesn't want to be involved or doesn't want to be responsible for you telling the wives, I get that.

I would not tell my DW about my friends' cheating. Not so much because of bro code, but more I would not want her suspicious of me.

Anonymous wrote:Birds of a feather . . .

This

Anonymous wrote:The husband needs to find better friends.

seriously

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7:07, half your friends cheat? Must suck to be their husbands and for you to know this goes on when you see them.

I am 7:07 and I am a man. And I hate to sound cold-hearted but I really don't care what my friends do. I have no idea what their marriage looks like. I have no idea if they have an explicit arraignment with their spouse that this is ok, that their marriage is sexless, that their wives are cheating on them. Their cheating has zero to do with me. Its not my issue, any more than its my issue that they don't seem to be saving enough in 529s for their kids college.

And what I am not going to do is be such a busy-body as rat them out and be the moving force in the strain of their marriage. I will not feel morally superior when their kids are trying to figure out what home they are supposed to sleep in tonight because its Tuesday and that means its Dad's turn although its also therapy night. I am not condoning cheating, I will not help, cover or facilitate it. But I will also not stick my nose where it doesn't belong from some entitled sense of superiority that will lead to nothing but more misery.

Yeah, cold.

The husband needs to find better friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7:07, half your friends cheat? Must suck to be their husbands and for you to know this goes on when you see them.

I am 7:07 and I am a man. And I hate to sound cold-hearted but I really don't care what my friends do. I have no idea what their marriage looks like. I have no idea if they have an explicit arraignment with their spouse that this is ok, that their marriage is sexless, that their wives are cheating on them. Their cheating has zero to do with me. Its not my issue, any more than its my issue that they don't seem to be saving enough in 529s for their kids college.

Maybe you could suggest if they got a second night job it would solve both problems? Seems like the only logical thing to do here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7:07, half your friends cheat? Must suck to be their husbands and for you to know this goes on when you see them.

I am 7:07 and I am a man. And I hate to sound cold-hearted but I really don't care what my friends do. I have no idea what their marriage looks like. I have no idea if they have an explicit arraignment with their spouse that this is ok, that their marriage is sexless, that their wives are cheating on them. Their cheating has zero to do with me. Its not my issue, any more than its my issue that they don't seem to be saving enough in 529s for their kids college.

And what I am not going to do is be such a busy-body as rat them out and be the moving force in the strain of their marriage. I will not feel morally superior when their kids are trying to figure out what home they are supposed to sleep in tonight because its Tuesday and that means its Dad's turn although its also therapy night. I am not condoning cheating, I will not help, cover or facilitate it. But I will also not stick my nose where it doesn't belong from some entitled sense of superiority that will lead to nothing but more misery.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7:07, half your friends cheat? Must suck to be their husbands and for you to know this goes on when you see them.

I am 7:07 and I am a man. And I hate to sound cold-hearted but I really don't care what my friends do. I have no idea what their marriage looks like. I have no idea if they have an explicit arraignment with their spouse that this is ok, that their marriage is sexless, that their wives are cheating on them. Their cheating has zero to do with me. Its not my issue, any more than its my issue that they don't seem to be saving enough in 529s for their kids college.

When I find out my friends don't save enough in a 529s, I dump them.

Anonymous wrote:7:07, half your friends cheat? Must suck to be their husbands and for you to know this goes on when you see them.

I am 7:07 and I am a man. And I hate to sound cold-hearted but I really don't care what my friends do. I have no idea what their marriage looks like. I have no idea if they have an explicit arraignment with their spouse that this is ok, that their marriage is sexless, that their wives are cheating on them. Their cheating has zero to do with me. Its not my issue, any more than its my issue that they don't seem to be saving enough in 529s for their kids college.

eh, what can you do if your friend cheats on their spouse? As long as your dh isn't helping this to happen in some way (giving his friend an alibi, providing a place for them to shack up, hanging out with the mistress, etc) I wouldn't freak. I wouldn't want to know any of that either.

7:07, half your friends cheat? Must suck to be their husbands and for you to know this goes on when you see them.

Unless you like drama stay out of other people's affairs.

DH here, and some of my friends cheat, and no I do not approve. But it's none of my business. And I don't tell DW because its none of hers, and its not our business to tell the cheating spouse. I have no idea if they have don't ask don't tell. Also, my wife and I have made clear that if one of us screws up and it's not an on-going affair, neither of us want to know. So it would be really rude of someone to tell me my wife had cheated. MYOB.

Two signs of my spouse's affair were an absolute loyalty to friends (suddenly those became the most important relationships in his life, and those friends could do not wrong), and a lot of commentary that I was "so judgmental about people" and "you always see things as black and white" (not just about friends, about everything). And I had always been pretty relaxed about his friends, I might say "he acts like a jackass with women" but I would never tell him to stay away from those friends.

Like the PP, if these women are also friends of yours I would tell. It's really horrible to find out your spouse was having an affair and you were the last to know. I look back on some parties where basically everyone else in the room knew but me, and it's pretty devastating. I understand that those people were all in a difficult situation, but I can't think of them as my friends anymore.