Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would need to know the age. White men in their 40s start to lose their s*** and become very angry.

It really does seem like that! Mine just turned 40 this year and some of my friends have been saying their husbands are getting grumpy. What's up with that?

My marriage had been low sex for awhile, and I turned 40 about the time both of the kids were in school full time -- which meant that my SAHM wife's "too busy mothering" explanation about our lack of sex started to look false. Lack of sex and the realization that her explanation was either wrong or incomplete made me angrier.

Maybe your lack of sex is because of your anger. I'm not interested in sleeping with my angry husband. When we do have regular sex, he's still angry, so what's the point. I told him if he can go through one day without getting mad, I'll put out. So far...that hasn't happened in awhile. Irrational anger is incredibly unattractive.

I guess two responses: a) the sexlessness was around for years before I got angry about it; and b) she never mentioned anger as a problem until 6 or 7 years in -- which is when I started to notice myself feeling angry. So, obviously anger doesn't help anything, but it's not the cause of the lack of sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would need to know the age. White men in their 40s start to lose their s*** and become very angry.

My DH is an Asian in his 30s and is like this. It's not just 40-year-old white dudes.

When I did ADAPT, it was half-white, half-people of color; 2/3 men, 1/3 women; 2/3 working class, 1/3 professionals... It takes all types.

Angry DH here. It can be fixed -- maybe not 100% but a lot. I went through Fairfax County's ADAPT program and it's worked wonders for me. Others might benefit more from individual therapy. Of course, change comes from within, and he's got to want to change, if not, no program will help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would need to know the age. White men in their 40s start to lose their s*** and become very angry.

It really does seem like that! Mine just turned 40 this year and some of my friends have been saying their husbands are getting grumpy. What's up with that?

My marriage had been low sex for awhile, and I turned 40 about the time both of the kids were in school full time -- which meant that my SAHM wife's "too busy mothering" explanation about our lack of sex started to look false. Lack of sex and the realization that her explanation was either wrong or incomplete made me angrier.

Maybe your lack of sex is because of your anger. I'm not interested in sleeping with my angry husband. When we do have regular sex, he's still angry, so what's the point. I told him if he can go through one day without getting mad, I'll put out. So far...that hasn't happened in awhile. Irrational anger is incredibly unattractive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would need to know the age. White men in their 40s start to lose their s*** and become very angry.

It really does seem like that! Mine just turned 40 this year and some of my friends have been saying their husbands are getting grumpy. What's up with that?

My marriage had been low sex for awhile, and I turned 40 about the time both of the kids were in school full time -- which meant that my SAHM wife's "too busy mothering" explanation about our lack of sex started to look false. Lack of sex and the realization that her explanation was either wrong or incomplete made me angrier.

Anonymous wrote:Would need to know the age. White men in their 40s start to lose their s*** and become very angry.

It really does seem like that! Mine just turned 40 this year and some of my friends have been saying their husbands are getting grumpy. What's up with that?

Your situation CAN be resolved but only if your husband seeks treatment for depression.

Depression is associated with anger, most esp. in men.

Individual counseling sessions and anti-depressant medication(s) work wonders.

But your husband has got to be willing to seek treatment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine has improved but it is still an issue. I always talk to him about it too. His angry outbursts have definitely gotten better and less frequent but he still complains about *everything*! It's annoying. But the angry outbursts I could not live with and I've made that clear to him through some dramatic fights. I just will not be talked to like that/treated that way.

How do you deal with the complaining?

It depends on my mood and how valid I think the complaint is. Usually, I'm like, 'yeah, life sucks' and dismiss the topic. He seems to get the hint. Sometimes, I'll just let him rant. If it's too over the top angry, I ask him to chill out. He usually gets angrier at that but then will dial it back. My DH has never remotely threatened violence, though. And I do not think he is depressed, though who knows. He has gotten a ton better, which gives me hope that he will continue to mellow. He's a control freak, his own boss and an only child, so it was a big change.

Anonymous wrote:Would need to know the age. White men in their 40s start to lose their s*** and become very angry.

My DH is an Asian in his 30s and is like this. It's not just 40-year-old white dudes.

Would need to know the age. White men in their 40s start to lose their s*** and become very angry.

This is not healthy for your children to be around.

i commiserate OP. Mine is the same way but unemployed on top of that. Won't go to therapy or back to school. I'm come to accept I have nagging house husband and that's that.

Anonymous wrote:Schedule him for a routine physical and bloodwork with the primary care doctor. Then call ahead and talk to the doctor. Sure he'll be mad, but he's already mad all the time, so what do you have to lose?

So true.

Schedule him for a routine physical and bloodwork with the primary care doctor. Then call ahead and talk to the doctor. Sure he'll be mad, but he's already mad all the time, so what do you have to lose?

Anonymous wrote:My normally upbeat, cheerful dh did when he was having his affair. It was his way of dealing with how crappy he felt about himself for what he was doing.

Ugh.