Anonymous wrote:My husband's grandparents used to do this, which made us all feel terrible because we all earned more $$ than their generation ever had. So the family put together a separate savings jar/account (I don't remember if it was an actual separate bank account or not), and whenever they gave someone money, it went into the jar. Then when the grandparents needed big ticket items (insulation for the house, a new mattress), the kids used that money as a gift to the grandparents to help pay for the expenses.

As the grandmother developed Alzheimer's, the gifts got bigger and more frequent, so this ended up being a way to keep an eye on the money before any of the kids had power of attorney.

This is a good idea

My husband's grandparents used to do this, which made us all feel terrible because we all earned more $$ than their generation ever had. So the family put together a separate savings jar/account (I don't remember if it was an actual separate bank account or not), and whenever they gave someone money, it went into the jar. Then when the grandparents needed big ticket items (insulation for the house, a new mattress), the kids used that money as a gift to the grandparents to help pay for the expenses.

As the grandmother developed Alzheimer's, the gifts got bigger and more frequent, so this ended up being a way to keep an eye on the money before any of the kids had power of attorney.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd find a way to return it so she doesn't do it again next time.

If you want to be mean to her. . .

how so?

All the research shows that one if the best ways to improve your own happiness is two give to others. When you're old, you aren't as frequently in a giving role and are much more likely to be receiving help. You're not raising children and constantly meeting their demands. More likely, you need a little help getting around, being taken to the doctor or on errands, maybe just being checked up on to make sure you haven't fallen or left the burner on the stove. But the human need to be giving and needed doesn't go away as you shed your care giving roles and become more physically needy with age. Imagine how grandmother felt as she slipped the money into her granddaughter's pocket. Why would you take that joy from her? Why would you truncate her ability to experience the full range of human relationships when that's probably already happening, slowly, as she ages?

Another thought. My dad still does this. Our HHI is pretty high and my dad still slips me money whenever we come to visit. You know what? They can more than afford it and it makes him happy. I think enjoying the money really makes him happy. Even if I just put it in the kids account or into our savings, I tell him I did something special for myself and it makes his day. One way I got my head around accepting the money when I didn't really feel comfortable was realizing that my dad doesn't have that many more years. When both of my parents pass, about 1/3 of the money will come to me anyways. The more that we get now, the less that will come later and be taxed by the inheritance tax. The small amounts won't significantly change the distribution to my siblings (besides, he gives pocket money to them too). A few hundred dollars here and there, heck even a few thousand dollars like when they helped us with money for our house downpayment, is small compared to the value of their estate, which will eventually come to us kids and our kids.

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother (bless her heart) loves to hide a $20 in your jacket pocket or purse when you arent paying attention. I tell her not to every time I find her little gifts, but she won't stop. This last visit though I left her house and got home to find a bank envelope with $500 in it. I called her immediately and said it was too much and why did she do that but she said that she wanted me to treat myself this week and go have a spa day. I feel terrible and uncomfortable. I want to give it back but she adamantly said not to. What would you do? Return it? Keep it? She's got a wrath like a demon spawn if you cross her but this is too much. Does anyone else's grandparent do this?? I would prefer the movie version of grandmothers who fill you up with sweets, not wads of cash.

Don't return it. She sounds like a lovely lady who loves giving cash as a gift. It's like any other gift. Don't feel bad about it. It's one of her way of saying "I love you".

BTW, my grandpa used to do it all the time.

Anonymous wrote:Assuming she's in a comfortable position and has cash to spare, I'd suggest graciously saying thank you and using it as she intended.

If money's tight and she's clipping coupons for her dinner of cat food, I'd offer you a different answer.

I agree.

After you treat yourself to a spa day or whatever you choose, OP, write her a thank-you note telling her the details and how much you enjoyed it.

You could give it to me. I could really use a spa day. I'd thank her graciously. Both my grandmothers died last year, so she could be my surrogate grandmother

Anonymous wrote:Assuming she is of sound mind and has the money, the only answer is "thank you!"

Agreed.

This is crazy. What is wrong with a grandmother giving her cash to a grandchild as she sees fit? OP didn't ask for it and it was clearly a gift. Why would you return a gift?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd find a way to return it so she doesn't do it again next time.

If you want to be mean to her. . .

how so?

So sweet! I would pay her back by visiting her as often as possible (not to accept more cash, but to spend time with her). Wear something with no pockets - leave your purse in the trunk of your car. Limits her options to be sneaky.

Or, if she is able, take her out somewhere. Brunch? Coffee?

Anonymous wrote:I'd find a way to return it so she doesn't do it again next time.

If you want to be mean to her. . .

Giving you treat money brings her joy. Why would you want to deprive her of that? Accept it graciously, for goodness' sake!

I'd find a way to return it so she doesn't do it again next time.

If it makes her happy just keep the money.