Anonymous
Post 08/17/2015 16:33     Subject: Overpromising and underdelivering
This reminds me of when my DH gave me an IOU trip to Rome for my birthday. The trip never happened. I was unhappy about it and let him know to never ever fix his mouth to give me an IOU gift or he'd never hear the end of it. Luckily this was a one time occurence. Being that this is a multiple occurence with your husband, it's time for you to sit down and tell him how you feel about his poor gift giving. You say he's a good husband, but this is not something a good husband would do. It's obviously very important to you and he's choosing to ignore your feelings.
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2015 16:27     Subject: Overpromising and underdelivering
If he hadn't promised/talked up the ring ... yeah, I agree with 7:29, don't commit to much but then follow through, and apologize profusely if you can't make it for whatever reason.
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2015 15:14     Subject: Re:Overpromising and underdelivering
Anonymous wrote:OP, let it go... This nagging about a ring makes you sound pathetic. Is he a faithful husband and involved father? Congratulations! That's worth a 100 diamond rings.


You're so missing the point. Actually, maybe you're not and you just enjoying being snarky.
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2015 13:43     Subject: Overpromising and underdelivering
Anonymous wrote:There is no way that this situation would not breed resentment. No way. You are being gaslighted, OP. There is no other way to look at this situation. Your husband is acting like a dick. He repeatedly got you all excited about this ring -- but -- here's the kicker -- you are forbidden to ask questions under the guise that you will be nagging. So he's really got you coming and going. He gets all the benefits of being the Peter Pan gift giver and none of the responsibilities of coming through.

Sit down with him. Tell him "We need to clear the air. Am I correct that I am not going to receive the ring you promised me two years ago? Is that in fact the case? Because I would just like to have the whole story, now, so that I can stop getting my hopes up."

I lived with a Peter Pan like this for two years and finally started calling him on his bullshit.


I was seeing this the "just let it go way" at first, but this PP has a good point. He got himself the watch and credit for getting you something that he never has to get you. He wasn't too stressed out to take you to the jeweler in the first place. Just too stressed out to actually give it to you.

It is possible that he thinks it's too much money now that he bought the expensive watch. He might be embarrassed that he overspent on the watch and doesn't think you can afford both.
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2015 07:29     Subject: Overpromising and underdelivering
Anonymous wrote:There is no way that this situation would not breed resentment. No way. You are being gaslighted, OP. There is no other way to look at this situation. Your husband is acting like a dick. He repeatedly got you all excited about this ring -- but -- here's the kicker -- you are forbidden to ask questions under the guise that you will be nagging. So he's really got you coming and going. He gets all the benefits of being the Peter Pan gift giver and none of the responsibilities of coming through.

Sit down with him. Tell him "We need to clear the air. Am I correct that I am not going to receive the ring you promised me two years ago? Is that in fact the case? Because I would just like to have the whole story, now, so that I can stop getting my hopes up."

I lived with a Peter Pan like this for two years and finally started calling him on his bullshit.


I agree with this. I am a very laid back person and put up with a lot because we all have quirks. However, the one thing that annoys me to no end is people who constantly say they are going to do something and don't follow through. I have broken up with friends/relationships bc of this. Actions always speak louder than words. If this is a one time thing, perhaps something else is at play, but has he done this a lot?
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2015 07:22     Subject: Overpromising and underdelivering
There is no way that this situation would not breed resentment. No way. You are being gaslighted, OP. There is no other way to look at this situation. Your husband is acting like a dick. He repeatedly got you all excited about this ring -- but -- here's the kicker -- you are forbidden to ask questions under the guise that you will be nagging. So he's really got you coming and going. He gets all the benefits of being the Peter Pan gift giver and none of the responsibilities of coming through.

Sit down with him. Tell him "We need to clear the air. Am I correct that I am not going to receive the ring you promised me two years ago? Is that in fact the case? Because I would just like to have the whole story, now, so that I can stop getting my hopes up."

I lived with a Peter Pan like this for two years and finally started calling him on his bullshit.
Anonymous
Post 08/17/2015 06:08     Subject: Overpromising and underdelivering
I would be hurt and disappointed if I were in your shoes OP.

It's like he doesn't think the ring or the trip is a huge priority and that wouldn't sit well with me.

I say talk to him again, stress to him how important both of these things are to you and that you trusted him with his word when he told you he would get on it.

It's not like you want to be a nag or anything, but honestly Feb. was like four months ago.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 22:27     Subject: Overpromising and underdelivering
Anonymous wrote:OP here... 16:14 got it exactly right. It is so rare that DH gives me a gift at all that it seemed even more special and meaningful. Yes I could buy the band myself but that is beside the point. I Got DH something he absolutely loves for our anniversary and he should have reciprocated the same. And he did... He just didn't follow through.

But it's not beside the point, because you don't have your ring and you are upset while he is feeling just fine. The point is that you have to accept your husband as he is (and I see why it would be difficult, I wouldn't like it either) or have a discussion about it where you'll have to find a way to get your point across, and even then it may not help anything. The point is you have to do something to confront this or let it go, because the only one hurting is you.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 20:32     Subject: Overpromising and underdelivering
OP, is this a pattern with him - saying he will do something and then not doing it? Or is he only like this with gifts?
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 20:25     Subject: Overpromising and underdelivering
Regarding the band, it does not need to be specially designed per se - I would be fine with one from a store. The original issue was that my engagement ring is set lower than most so he wanted something that would fit with it in a certain way. I explained that I don't care but he kind of insisted.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 18:09     Subject: Overpromising and underdelivering
Your plans are simple but the execution is excessively complicated. Like a pp said, why do you have to have an eternity band specially designed by a jeweler? This should not be something that takes hours of planning. He should be able to take you to a jewelry store, ask you to pick one out, and pay for it. If he did that, would you balk because it wasn't special and unique enough?

The same for the trip. Find an all-inclusive, and book it.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 17:19     Subject: Re:Overpromising and underdelivering
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, let it go... This nagging about a ring makes you sound pathetic. Is he a faithful husband and involved father? Congratulations! That's worth a 100 diamond rings.


So women have to settle for the crumbs now?

He gets a new watch and she's supposed to be.... thrilled by his very existence?

Seems like a bum deal to me.


+1


+2. Women bear the children, often times manage more than 50% of the household even while working full time, and should be grateful when the DH just shows up when the dishes are in the dishwasher and asks what he can do.