Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 18:15     Subject: Re:Did I overreact to rude niece.


OP - Sounds like you have some deep personal issues with the loss of a child that you would be well to talk to someone in counseling about and with at least two other children to learn to focus on just them. Your health issues are possibly being magnified by the anxiety of your relationship with DH and life in general. Not sure why you even asked the rude niece on a vacation, but in any case you have learned. I would have dealt with her rudeness directly with your sister upon your return and then left it up to her, but sounds like she is a mirror of her mother - who knowing that you are dealing with health issues could have lent you some slack with maybe a comment on overreacting, but not going along with her daughter's outrageous laughing etc. behavior. It does sound like you and DH should see someone together to deal with loss. Give yourself some time to get better.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 17:17     Subject: Did I overreact to rude niece.
Yes your husband was right. She found the item and couldn't believe it that you hadn't seen it prior. Clearly she has dealt with your "issues " before so she knows your a joke. Please go to the dr.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 16:32     Subject: Did I overreact to rude niece.
Did niece steal it and put it there?
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 16:27     Subject: Did I overreact to rude niece.

Shut down, OP. Rally for self-care and focus on your own children.

Sometimes we just have to admit we don't have much to give. From the sound of it, you've already given plenty here. Focus on yourself for now. Do what you can to build a stronger relationship with DH. Menopause is an opportunity to shift your priorities, it's also a time to reflect. Spend an extra ten minutes in bed. Take longer showers. It's the small things. With less tension, maybe you'll find yourself laughing at the things that now drive you crazy. I consider this period of my life my second adolescence. So, just as you acknowledge the changes your niece is going through, why not give yourself a bit of that same grace? Seek calm.

Good luck with revving down, OP.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 16:18     Subject: Re:Did I overreact to rude niece.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When nobody is on your side it is time to look inward.

Your H and your sister are not on your side.

Yes. Your niece is rude, but it might be a a reaction to how annoying you are.


Yeah, that was my thought too. Sorry OP, but it sounds like you might have a bit of a victim complex. If she was rude to you on vacation, you should have stopped her the very first time. Why did you tolerate that?


Our marriage stinks since the death of our child. But help me to understand what that has to do with this child who is disrespectful.

Anyway I have heard a lot. Thanks for to the other posters that were constructive. The pp who was a teacher, and said the least reminded me about the teen behavior. I will avoid this kid until she is in her kid 20s. For now, I will prepare myself for my own Tweens who will be teens in a few years.


So you are in individual counseling... Then discuss it with your counselor.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 14:01     Subject: Re:Did I overreact to rude niece.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When nobody is on your side it is time to look inward.

Your H and your sister are not on your side.

Yes. Your niece is rude, but it might be a a reaction to how annoying you are.


Yeah, that was my thought too. Sorry OP, but it sounds like you might have a bit of a victim complex. If she was rude to you on vacation, you should have stopped her the very first time. Why did you tolerate that?


Our marriage stinks since the death of our child. But help me to understand what that has to do with this child who is disrespectful.

Anyway I have heard a lot. Thanks for to the other posters that were constructive. The pp who was a teacher, and said the least reminded me about the teen behavior. I will avoid this kid until she is in her kid 20s. For now, I will prepare myself for my own Tweens who will be teens in a few years.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 13:56     Subject: Did I overreact to rude niece.
Anonymous wrote:What exactly did you say? Just "stop!" Or something else


I just said " child's name, stop it" and repeated twice. Last time was loud, but not as loud as she was.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 13:54     Subject: Re:Did I overreact to rude niece.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When nobody is on your side it is time to look inward.

Your H and your sister are not on your side.

Yes. Your niece is rude, but it might be a a reaction to how annoying you are.


Yeah, that was my thought too. Sorry OP, but it sounds like you might have a bit of a victim complex. If she was rude to you on vacation, you should have stopped her the very first time. Why did you tolerate that?


I had to keep backing down because we were with friends and I did not want it to escalate in front of them. She speaks to her mother in a mean way too, they fight a lot about it. My sister just didn't want ME to yell at her. Again, I don't blame my sister for defending her kid.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 13:06     Subject: Re:Did I overreact to rude niece.
Anonymous wrote:When nobody is on your side it is time to look inward.

Your H and your sister are not on your side.

Yes. Your niece is rude, but it might be a a reaction to how annoying you are.


Yeah, that was my thought too. Sorry OP, but it sounds like you might have a bit of a victim complex. If she was rude to you on vacation, you should have stopped her the very first time. Why did you tolerate that?
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 12:59     Subject: Did I overreact to rude niece.
Op you may be a lot worse than you think. You might want to consult a doctor and bring your husband in on the appointment. It sounds like the daughter and mother talked about your forgetfulness and this was kind of like proof of the pudding. Also your husband may not be taking your side or he may know that these things happen to you a lot.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 12:57     Subject: Re:Did I overreact to rude niece.
I'm suspicious of how your niece found the item so quickly. Are you sure she didn't take it when you were on holidays with her and then she planted it in the kitchen when she realised she could get some kicks out of belittling you?
Focus on raising your own kids as respectful and kind people and don't give that little brat any more of your attention.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 12:48     Subject: Re:Did I overreact to rude niece.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When nobody is on your side it is time to look inward.

Your H and your sister are not on your side.

Yes. Your niece is rude, but it might be a a reaction to how annoying you are.


When I have my kids at other peoples homes, they have to behave.
I never give them an option. This case would be no exception. It never works to be rude to someone at their house. If my dd must be rude, and I can't imagine when that would be, it can never happen in someone else's home.


I agree in general... But that racist uncle or that aunt that tells your daughter she needs to lose weight.... Sometimes, with family, the fuse has run out. The girl is a teen and dealing with this Aunt for 13+ years may have just come to a head.

Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 12:44     Subject: Did I overreact to rude niece.
What exactly did you say? Just "stop!" Or something else
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 12:32     Subject: Did I overreact to rude niece.
Anonymous wrote:My niece is a teen, and I have been having trouble dealing with the smart mouth, talking back, arguing. The typical teen stuff. Only concern about her, and this is an aside, I don't think that she even knows how to be polite if she tried. There are rude teens who can pull it together when they need to, but I don't think she is one .
I have been having serious memory and vision problems since starting menopause.
I recently took my niece and my kid on a vacation and dealt with the incessant rudeness the whole time. She yelled at me in front of other people and so on. She wore me out. I will never have her along again since she is an embarrassment and a bad influence I my kids.
After we got home, I thought I left something at the hotel that had great sentimental value to me. I looked all over the house and did not see it. She came over to my house with her mother to visit my mother. I was visibly upset since I had that item for 35 years, and replacements are expensive. She came into the kitchen and spotted the item right away. She repeatedly screamed out loud, "there it is!" Then started laughing at a crazy volume. Like really loud, then ran out of the house laughing even louder to her mother laughing really loud at me. As she was running out of the house I told her to stop, she just ignored me and continued on laughing so loud she felt a need to cover her mouth. I then raised my voice and told her to stop. Her mother got mad at me for telling her to stop, so they both hopped in the car and left right away.
When I told my husband what happened, he in his typical nasty hateful way, said that I did not thank her for finding the item for me. But there was no time to thank her, she started with the craziness immediately.
She might not like me, but some respect would be nice. Since she is not my child, it is easy to keep her at bay in the future. I just don't get the behavior. Another relative of mine said that she never remembers her manners. But my husband is acting like it was my fault. I don't trust his opinion since he is never on my side (this is not the topic of the thread). I'm curious to hear other more objective opinions.
Please pardon typos. Vision is not great.



Observation: You have a lot of conflict with the people around you. No one seems to be capable of doing anything right, according to you. But you are the common denominator in this.

However "rude" you think the teen was, you didn't exactly model exemplary behavior yourself.

And, from the way your husband seems to deal with you, I'm guessing this is not a new thing for you.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2015 12:32     Subject: Did I overreact to rude niece.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She sounds very rude. That said, you did overreact. I get it, you were riled about about your missing item, but it sounds like you've never corrected her before and the correction for this time was really for all of the other times.
Btw, I don't think just telling her to stop is an overreaction. It sounds like you followed her out of the house to do it and that seems a bit over the top.
I agree you should limit your time with her in the future. I also feel a bit worried for you that, as another PP pointed out, no one is on your side. Sounds like menopause is rough on you and it might not hurt to see someone to help you have an easier go of things. I wish you the best.


Thanks, I agree that my reaction had to do with the previous weekend of rudeness. She belittles me and really likes it when I make a mistake. Like when I got a parking ticket, she just loved that. Actually told me that I did not know how to read parking signs.
It hurts a lot because I have poured money and time into her when she was young. Swimming lessons, college fund and so on.
Husband never takes my side, maybe once in our marriage, not sure. My mother said nothing, she hates to see the fighting. Sister defends her kids at all costs, as she should, at least in public.

Are you possibly overreacting to some gentle teasing? As for all the things you've given her, don't keep score. Children don't typically develop a deep appreciation for what others have don't for them until later. Teenagers are too self-involved (as a developmental stage, not just through poor parenting or personality)
That being said I wouldn't blame you for taking some distance if it's better for your mental health.