Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about the marriage in which the husband is so bad in bed that the wife never orgasms and has to satisfy him twice a week, then take care of business for herself?

Why would anyone marry someone who is so bad in bed?

He initially was just inexperienced and eager to learn, but got lazy. After a while, twice a week was torture.

Anonymous wrote:No sex means no sex. We have not had sex since DS was born 8 years ago.

So, then, not sexless - by your definition.

Anonymous wrote:What qualifies as a sexless marriage? The numbers seem to be all over the place, with some posters claiming that once a week is "frigid" or "near sexless."

Technically a sexless marriage is defined as less than 10 times a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about the marriage in which the husband is so bad in bed that the wife never orgasms and has to satisfy him twice a week, then take care of business for herself?

Why would anyone marry someone who is so bad in bed?

biological clock ticking; security; affection; friendship; money.

Totally dependent on the person. Sometimes DH and I don't have sex in a week, sometimes it's 5x a week. We're still both happy and in love.

We never deny the other spouse if they want more sex, which is key.

Anonymous wrote:A sexless marriage means zero sex.

Whether the amount of sex you have is adequate is entirely dependent upon the person and the time. I went from being sex crazed in my 20s, wanting sex multiple times per day, to being satisfied with once per week (or even less) in my 40s. I'm totally fine not getting it very often. When I need more and my spouse isn't into it, I masturbate. We don't need to be on schedules, and we shouldn't be getting resentful of our spouses when they don't want it as often as we do.

The resentment comes from feeling that our low drive spouses don't desire us, because there's no physical affection, even apart from sex. Good for you that you don't have an ego problem with your spouse not desiring you as frequently as you would desire sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What qualifies as a sexless marriage? The numbers seem to be all over the place, with some posters claiming that once a week is "frigid" or "near sexless."

I think it's in the eye of the beholder. My dh and I are percutaneous content in our once a week sex marriage. Sometimes dcum makes me think we're weird frigid people lol. I rink it has to do with people's libido being met essentially and that's different for everyone.

10 am every Sunday, in the same position?

10 times a year or fewer.

NP. Tired if hearing the DH wants it. This DW wants it. DH has a lame dick-soft even when he's hard. It's been years....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about the marriage in which the husband is so bad in bed that the wife never orgasms and has to satisfy him twice a week, then take care of business for herself?

Why would anyone marry someone who is so bad in bed?

I don't know why, but I did. (NP)

I'm sorry, that's got to be a really rough spot to be in (no snark, true sympathy). Hope things get better.

NP I married someone lazy and lame in bed too. Truth be told, most men are and they don't know it. If I had required a man who was very good in bed in addition to all the other requirements that make for a good husband, I would have probably died a spinster, lol.

Anonymous wrote:We average 3x month and I don't think it's sexless but nothing to be proud of either.

Well it's not a contest, so there is that.

Didn't some shrink declare 10x per year or fewer.

This is what I'd heard was the "clinical' definition. Rule of thumb, less than once a month.

Anonymous wrote:No sex means no sex. We have not had sex since DS was born 8 years ago.

Not even a handjob? Yep, that's no sex. Need therapy, stat. I'm a dw with a low libido, but there's something wrong there.

No sex means no sex. We have not had sex since DS was born 8 years ago.

Ten times per year or less is the frequency I've seen quoted. The objection that this isn't "sexless" seems to be a foray into semantics in order to avoid feeling bad about a mismatched sex drive that is causing distress for one of the spouses.

"Sexless" or not, the frequency doesn't matter unless it's causing one of the spouses distress. "Normal" frequency does matter when one or both spouses are unhappy with their own frequency because the "norm" will help identify which direction (more sex or less sex) is more likely to be attainable. (It might not, in fact, be attainable -- but if humans usually can make do with more or less, there is a greater chance this can be made acceptable in any given marriage.)