Anonymous wrote:He is happy to pay for his mother to visit so he can spend time with a woman who is not a foul-mouthed shrew.

Pot, meet kettle.

He is happy to pay for his mother to visit so he can spend time with a woman who is not a foul-mouthed shrew.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your husband. Tell him your upset because your family unit prides it self on standing alone financially and you feel his mom should pay her own way so the money can go towards your own family.

When he gives you some BS excuse just mentally remember you will now be taking $25 per month from the atm and putting it in your own slush fund.

He gives him mom $300 you take $300.

Yes, this. I'm sure she's worried sick about her "deadbeat daughter", and doesn't feel she has the choice but to bail her out, right or wrong. She can't afford to do it, but she does it anyway. Your DH is a good son.

PP here. Oops!! I meant to quote a different post, of the "let it go" variety.

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your husband. Tell him your upset because your family unit prides it self on standing alone financially and you feel his mom should pay her own way so the money can go towards your own family.

When he gives you some BS excuse just mentally remember you will now be taking $25 per month from the atm and putting it in your own slush fund.

He gives him mom $300 you take $300.

Yes, this. I'm sure she's worried sick about her "deadbeat daughter", and doesn't feel she has the choice but to bail her out, right or wrong. She can't afford to do it, but she does it anyway. Your DH is a good son.

If MIL is once, I would easily pay at least half for her to visit. Would your DH agree to half?

Is she kind and helpful, or does she think it is all about her (like my MIL)? If she is, invite her more. Decent MILs are hard to come by.

Here is my advice. In marriage there are some things best to LET GO and truly truly mean it. Examples: 1.) My husband spends way to much money on our dog. He buys him super expensive food and an obnoxious amount of toys and 300 dollars to clean his teeth etc etc. I grew up in the midwest and dogs ate table scraps and played outside all day and it cost barely any money and equaled the same quality of life in my opinion but Ive learned to let it go. 2.) I spend a lot more money on kids clothes than necessary. They only need a few outfits and my husband is right when he says each season there are multiple items of clothes and even shoes sometimes that only got worn once. Its just a weakness of mine. He lets it go.

My point is unless the 300 bucks is REALLY breaking you I would let it go. Its not ideal, its not fair, its not equal but life isn't and certainly not within the context of marriage. Just chalk it up to one of those things. Honest. It doesn't have to be a big deal or a source of constant contention...you can JUST.LET.IT.GO.!

I think as long as the travel funding to MIL isn't unlimited, then just accept it, make your peace with it, and move on with life. I've been there and yes, it is annoying, especially when you see them wasting their own money, but your husband's relationship with his mother is important and your child's chance to know his grandma is important, you're not going to change this woman, so suck it up as one of those not so great facets of life. Two trips per year, $600/year. That's not going to make a meaningful difference in your budget, so don't let yourself get disproportionately annoyed.

Is your MIL single? I ask because you said you never have to pay for your parents (plural). if she is single, I would surmise she does not have the same income as your parents. Is this amount of money a hardship for you?

I get it OP. My MIL is the same - we pay for her ticket yet she is not helpful. It's hard not to be resentful, especially if money is tight at all.

Anonymous wrote:OP if she doesn't haace the money and you can afford it, I would work on not resenting this generous act of your husband's. He is setting a good example for your kids on how to treat a parent when they are adults.

I pay for my brother to come visit once a year. He pays his own way to se my sister, but I know money is tight And we have more than he or my sister, so I don't mind and my kids are thrilled to see him. A kind and generous heart makes for a happy person.

What a lovely way to put things. Agree.

You think his family is trash. I bet you will be divorced in 5 years.

Anonymous wrote:OP if she doesn't haace the money and you can afford it, I would work on not resenting this generous act of your husband's. He is setting a good example for your kids on how to treat a parent when they are adults.

I pay for my brother to come visit once a year. He pays his own way to se my sister, but I know money is tight And we have more than he or my sister, so I don't mind and my kids are thrilled to see him. A kind and generous heart makes for a happy person.

+1 Well said.

OP if she doesn't haace the money and you can afford it, I would work on not resenting this generous act of your husband's. He is setting a good example for your kids on how to treat a parent when they are adults.

I pay for my brother to come visit once a year. He pays his own way to se my sister, but I know money is tight And we have more than he or my sister, so I don't mind and my kids are thrilled to see him. A kind and generous heart makes for a happy person.

Talk to your husband. Tell him your upset because your family unit prides it self on standing alone financially and you feel his mom should pay her own way so the money can go towards your own family.

When he gives you some BS excuse just mentally remember you will now be taking $25 per month from the atm and putting it in your own slush fund.

He gives him mom $300 you take $300.

Op here- my mother in law doesn't help by the way. So she can't watch the kids, etc. We don't leave her with kids are anything like that. I don't mind that- it's honestly just annyoung that she pays to bail out deadbeat daughter and can't pay 300 or even ask to fly up and see sons baby.