Anonymous wrote:Kids are 5 & 7 so no daycare/nanny any longer. In the past grandparents were able to take them for 4-5 days, but last trip was 2 years ago and health declines since then have made that not an option. We *might* be able to have kids stay with grandparents overnight with daytime assistance (we live ~2 miles apart), but at the moment I can't depend on that.

So just wondering what folks do in this situation. Do you try to get a regular sitter to stay overnight? Swap overnights with friends? Go during the school week so kids are at least in school for some of the time?

Our marriage could really use a trip with just the two of us, so trying to figure out how to make that happen.

Call you old nanny and ask if she could sit for you for the weekend.

Just get a babysitter, OP. Maybe someone in the neighborhood has a great weekday nanny who would love one weekend gig with the holidays fast approaching. Or find a sitter on care.com, use her a few times and check her out carefully (call all references and run a background check) and ask her to stay with the kids for the weekend.

I would much rather pay someone than overburden friends for an entire weekend.

Anonymous wrote:Kids are 5 & 7 so no daycare/nanny any longer. In the past grandparents were able to take them for 4-5 days, but last trip was 2 years ago and health declines since then have made that not an option. We *might* be able to have kids stay with grandparents overnight with daytime assistance (we live ~2 miles apart), but at the moment I can't depend on that.

So just wondering what folks do in this situation. Do you try to get a regular sitter to stay overnight? Swap overnights with friends? Go during the school week so kids are at least in school for some of the time?

Our marriage could really use a trip with just the two of us, so trying to figure out how to make that happen.

Our DC stay with my parents when DH and I are out of town together. Our au pair will help out if they need anything. In your situation I would look at hiring a sitter as a one time deal and going during the week if you think that would make you and your DC more comfortable.

OP - For some another option might be to vacation near other siblings and arrange ahead of time to see if they would take your kids for one or two nights to just let you two get away. You could also arrange to pay for one of their sitters to be on hand some of the time to provide assistance. Then indicate, too, that you would like to do the same for them. A couple gets a break and the kids get to know cousins a bit better.

For couples in the metro area, I would suggest trying to find a reliable college sitter to be able to easily go out to dinner or other activity more than just once every month or two. I know that American University has a sitter list and also I think Marymount University has something called Bernie's list. Another resource could be an area community college seeking a student in pre-education, childcare or nursing programs. In any of these situations you start off with a daytime job for a couple of hours and return early and then try evening with kids all set for bed and then go from there.

Years ago I used college sitters for a "Mother's Morning Out" to run errands and food shop mostly. Then over the years I have used college sitters for activity partners for one of our daughters who has a disability. Once you find a good college sitter, you can pretty much rely on word-of-mouth suggestions of a friend. And once a child can talk, there is very easy corroboration of what one did during a given time frame. ***My greatest fear today with children of any age would be to have them out in a car with a person of any age who would not follow my one rule of no texting or talking on the phone while on the road. This for me is the only request I make on outings with our daughter - who obviously can say what is going on.

OP here. Thanks to all for responses, some good ideas for me to think about.

And to be clear, I love my children and love traveling with them, which I do frequently either as a family or just me and my kids. But my husband and I need some quality time as a couple which we simply don't get when our kids are present, and our marriage would very much benefit if we could do this for a couple days rather than just grabbing a few hours at a time. So I appreciate all those with suggestions on how to make that happen.

I also appreciate hearing from the folks who would love to travel sans kids but haven't found viable childcare options. Obviously I hope we can, but it is comforting to know this is an actual logistical problem and I'm not just being dense to have not figured out a solution yet.

My parents are young-ish and healthy (mid 60s mom and early 70s dad) and they were excellent when DC was a baby. Now that DC is school-aged and very high-energy, we can tell they get tired and we worry about their patience running out. We also worry about his safety a little bit because they seem unable to ramp up their vigilance (due to their being really permissive and eventually, tired). It's also really hard because when DC returns there are some bad after-effects of too much indulgence.

This means we can easily get a single night away (almost always in town) or sometimes two nights. And we appreciate that a lot, even though we have to help DC re-adjust to home rules upon return (and that is hard). We would not take more than that because it just doesn't seem like their thing.

We don't have other family who are nearby or retired, and we don't have friends with whom we have this relationship.

So we bring the kid along when we go places now. But the kid is 6, so we usually just get a small suite so that after 8pm, our time is still our time and that feels nice. It works fine for us.

I appreciate this thread, OP, as my DH and I are in the same boat with our 5yo DD. She's a delight to travel with, but we would really love to have a couples getaway now and then and haven't had a lot of success.

So far our best option has been to send DD for an overnight with her former nanny who became like a surrogate grandma to her. They love to have the time together and always drag it out til the following afternoon, so DH and I can have a great date night together and then enjoy a morning together too instead of needing to rush out to get her. We've even managed overnights in Philly & NYC and have either been back in time for an afternoon DD drop off, or her nanny has taken her to school for us and we just pick her up after like usual.

I bet that a two night stay wouldn't be out of the question, but anything longer probably wouldn't work due to her current work schedule.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these options may not be available to you but well here they are:
1. Don't go on kid free trips
2. Swap with friends who have kids
3. Willing family
4. Sleep away camps
5. Solo parent vacations or one parent goes on girl/guy trip
6. Trusted babysitter
7. Vacation with some built in childcare (for ex. childcare on cruise ships, Club Med)
8. Vacation nanny

We do #5 already - it's specifically getting a trip *together* that we need, for us as a couple.

As for #8 - what exactly is that? Is that just a nanny who only works vacations? How would you find such a person? Our experience with vacation childcare is that our kids MUCH preferred a sitter to a 'camp' type setting, so something like this could be good for us if I could figure out how to make it work.

Yes, vacation nannies or travel nannies do exist. I haven't used one, but here are two articles about it.
http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424127887324556304578118973898281096
http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/family-vacation-nanny-included/story?id=22861812

My parents come and stay with the kids, but like yours their health has declined, so we just do 2 or 3 nights and we try to schedule it at least partially during the week when the kids have school. We also make sure to line up carpools and play dates and if necessary, a babysitter break (although my parents claim not to need it so this is harder) to make it as effortless as possible for my parents, physically and mentally. I prep meals or leave takeout menus, make sure to leave out everything the kids will need for all activities, etc., and do laundry before I go so my parents really just have to keep the kids safe and fed. It's a lot of work but totally worth it.

OP asked for thoughts from people who DO take trips as just a couple. She did not ask to hear from people who don't have childcare options. And she didn't ask for thoughts from those who claim to not want or need a trip with their spouse.

We chose to make a family so we take trips as a family. When the kids are old enough they may want to go to summer camp or something and then DH and I will go away but for now this is just who we are as a family unit.

We joined the Disney Vacation Club. This is like a timeshare that allows you to stay in a villa at various Disney and non-Disney resorts. Advantages are lots of space to spread out, separate room for the kids do DH and I get a Master bedroom to ourselves and privacy. Also, everything at Disney is do kid friendly and there's childcare and kids clubs if you want it. Also, Disnry restaurants, even the upscale ones, are fine with kids and will cater to them while still giving the adults a nice evening with some peace.

Anonymous wrote:Some of these options may not be available to you but well here they are:
1. Don't go on kid free trips
2. Swap with friends who have kids
3. Willing family
4. Sleep away camps
5. Solo parent vacations or one parent goes on girl/guy trip
6. Trusted babysitter
7. Vacation with some built in childcare (for ex. childcare on cruise ships, Club Med)
8. Vacation nanny

We do #5 already - it's specifically getting a trip *together* that we need, for us as a couple.

As for #8 - what exactly is that? Is that just a nanny who only works vacations? How would you find such a person? Our experience with vacation childcare is that our kids MUCH preferred a sitter to a 'camp' type setting, so something like this could be good for us if I could figure out how to make it work.

Anonymous wrote:We don't. No family or other options. Our kids are 17 and 15 and we have never taken a trip without them.

+1. DS is 10 and he goes on every vacation. When he was younger, we would pick places with kids clubs too, or babysitting services so we could go to dinner, etc. Now, we only take one vacation a year where there is a kids club (which he loves to hang out in - only child), but otherwise, we love hanging out together, going to amusement parks, waterparks, etc. We have no family or friends who could ever take him, so it was never an option - and I wouldn't change it if there had been an option. We are very close because of it.

Some of these options may not be available to you but well here they are:
1. Don't go on kid free trips
2. Swap with friends who have kids
3. Willing family
4. Sleep away camps
5. Solo parent vacations or one parent goes on girl/guy trip
6. Trusted babysitter
7. Vacation with some built in childcare (for ex. childcare on cruise ships, Club Med)
8. Vacation nanny