I suspect your sister does not have many close friends and has probably lost several jobs

Anonymous wrote:So everyone in your family is messed up and defensive and combative except you? Based on your posts, you are not immune from the family dysfunction. You are mean and defensive to people offering advice---does that sound at all familiar? You and your sister are more alike than you think.

+1

Anonymous wrote:No one will answer the question - what was my role in that phone conversation in terms of my sister screaming at me? You keep saying part of it is me. Fine, I'm willing to accept that. But I still do not see how I did anything wrong in that particular conversation. School me. Go back to the text and edit it for what you think I should have said. What exactly are the words and actions I should "own?"

You are clinging to this notion in order to avoid the real issue.

OP, my read on you is that you highly value being right and that you come off a bit cold and clinical. From your breakdown of your convo with your sister, I think you were right and your sister was wrong. But you didn't extend her any emotional support. So, in the big picture, you didn't do for her what you could have.

Anonymous wrote:No one will answer the question - what was my role in that phone conversation in terms of my sister screaming at me? You keep saying part of it is me. Fine, I'm willing to accept that. But I still do not see how I did anything wrong in that particular conversation. School me. Go back to the text and edit it for what you think I should have said. What exactly are the words and actions I should "own?"

You know that your sister doesn't really want advice. You know that she gets defensive. You know that she just wants someone to commiserate and validate her feelings. So stop trying to give advice and just commiserate and validate. "Oh, that would bug me," "That doesn't seem fair," "So what did you do?" etc.

No one will answer the question - what was my role in that phone conversation in terms of my sister screaming at me? You keep saying part of it is me. Fine, I'm willing to accept that. But I still do not see how I did anything wrong in that particular conversation. School me. Go back to the text and edit it for what you think I should have said. What exactly are the words and actions I should "own?"

Anonymous wrote:From what I see here, you are very quick to anger. You play the victim and have a strong tendency to think of yourself as wronged by neutral events or events that you played a role in bringing about. You twist words. You distort. You project.

None of this is to say that you could have done better in the phone call, but own your own role. Own your actions.

Agree with this -- the OP's attacked almost every single person who's commented.

From what I see here, you are very quick to anger. You play the victim and have a strong tendency to think of yourself as wronged by neutral events or events that you played a role in bringing about. You twist words. You distort. You project.

None of this is to say that you could have done better in the phone call, but own your own role. Own your actions.

Anonymous wrote:So everyone in your family is messed up and defensive and combative except you? Based on your posts, you are not immune from the family dysfunction. You are mean and defensive to people offering advice---does that sound at all familiar? You and your sister are more alike than you think.

No, you're right. I'm not immune from it. But I at least try. And yes, I have high expectations of myself and other people, probably too high to meet. But like everyone else on this board, I do not appreciate being attacked. I asked honestly how that conversation could have gone down differently. I seriously do not see how what I did - offer sympathy, try to understand the situation, and attempt to offer the advice that was asked for - was so wrong. I do not see how what I did justifies my sister screaming and cursing at me at the top of her lungs, talking over me, etc etc. My family brings out the worst in me and this is why I try to avoid them. I made the mistake of violating that tenet last night. With my sister, all you can do is say mmm hmm, mmm hmm, I can see how you might feel that way, mmm hmm, mmm hmm. It's like a conversation that you just have to endure because no matter what you say, you will be wrong. It's a trap.

OP it's not just your sister, it's you. You have a problem as well. At the least it's unrealistic expectations of everyone and at most it's the combative and tone-deaf attitude you've displayed here. Doesn't make you a monster, but you are not blameless and your behavior is not beyond reproach.

So everyone in your family is messed up and defensive and combative except you? Based on your posts, you are not immune from the family dysfunction. You are mean and defensive to people offering advice---does that sound at all familiar? You and your sister are more alike than you think.