OP I'm so sorry, I have a depressed and anxious mom myself - except she is divorced and single,a dn I am her only relative in the US. IT is hell. I can only sympathize. Therapy and clear boundaries help. I haven't figured out a solution yet either. Just want to let you know there are others in your position.

Anonymous wrote:Prozac would help

Prozac will likely not help she is very clearly anxious and OCD. She needs to be on an anti-anxiety drug for starters. No amount of therapy alone will help. OP she needs to see a medical Dr.. You should take her and explain her behavior to the Dr. since it's very clearly anxiety and OCD.

As someone who witnessed my family's destruction upon the death of a parent, I would urge you, op, to step back. Too often those who are not the primary caregiver sit in judgment of those who are on the front lines day in and day out. They are not experiencing the same level of emotional destruction, yet feel the need to sit in judgment. You never really know what someone else is experiencing or why they act the way they do. Grief can do terrible things to people--including causing them to behave badly, judgmentally,even cruelly. In this instance, perhaps you would work more on yourself and less on your mom.

Anonymous wrote:I've was the caretaker for my sister when she died so I know what it's like to be a caretaker. My parents did crap while my sister was dying. So again, stop judging me unless you know my family. You are coming across as a martyr.

Perhaps you should take a look at how you are coming across.

And I think you keep overlooking my aggravation is my mom's attitude towards my dad. It's NOT acceptable no matter which way you look at it. She had a right to her feelings but my dad deserves the right to live his remaining time in peace and not with her BS attitude.

I've was the caretaker for my sister when she died so I know what it's like to be a caretaker. My parents did crap while my sister was dying. So again, stop judging me unless you know my family. You are coming across as a martyr.

Anonymous wrote:^^ she's allowed to be nasty but shouldn't take it out on my dad. She can vent and do whatever to me and my sister but he doesn't need her crap. If you lived it, I would care what you thought but I really don't care about your opinion. I came to give some support to the OP and not deal with ignorant people who haven't been there / done that.

I have been there and done that. Depression sucks and taking care of a dying spouse sucks. Not everyone is as perfect and handles things as well as you do looking in from the outside. I had a sibling who made matters worse through judgment just as you are doing now.