Anonymous
08/05/2015 11:39
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
Anonymous wrote:OP, let me get this straight.
Your husband comes from a small town. He had a relationship with a woman who still lives there. His family is friends with her. Not "they still remember her from when he dated her" but are actively friends with her now, such that she was invited to a baby shower.
What do you want in this situation, that your husband's family stop being friends with someone they've known many years longer than you because you're uncomfortable? That your husband give a family friend the silent treatment because they dated when they were younger? Get over yourself.
Quoting myself. Missed that you've been married for 12 years. I think you should think about why you're insecure about someone that your DH dated more than 12 years ago. I can see why you'd be upset if this just happened, but 12 years? WOW.
Anonymous
08/05/2015 11:38
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
OP, let me get this straight.
Your husband comes from a small town. He had a relationship with a woman who still lives there. His family is friends with her. Not "they still remember her from when he dated her" but are actively friends with her now, such that she was invited to a baby shower.
What do you want in this situation, that your husband's family stop being friends with someone they've known many years longer than you because you're uncomfortable? That your husband give a family friend the silent treatment because they dated when they were younger? Get over yourself.
Your husband comes from a small town. He had a relationship with a woman who still lives there. His family is friends with her. Not "they still remember her from when he dated her" but are actively friends with her now, such that she was invited to a baby shower.
What do you want in this situation, that your husband's family stop being friends with someone they've known many years longer than you because you're uncomfortable? That your husband give a family friend the silent treatment because they dated when they were younger? Get over yourself.
Anonymous
08/05/2015 11:38
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
I love my brother's ex and she will always be a part of my life. You don't just cut close friendships off when there is a breakup.
Anonymous
08/05/2015 11:35
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
Sorry OP, but this problem is entirely yours. The ex is clearly a good friend of your SIL and MIL and her inclusion at the baby shower is not in any way an effort to undermine your place in the family.
Anonymous
08/05/2015 11:34
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
Anonymous wrote:Look at it as 'Ex-Girlfriend has long since moved on, DH too, I'm pathetic if I'm the one crying in a bedroom when no one else gives a damn about it.'
+ 1 million, because that's exactly how this reads to me.
Anonymous
08/05/2015 11:33
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
Anonymous wrote:We've been married 12 years. My husband would have married his ex, but she dumped him for somebody else who she's now married to. Sometimes when we visit his hometown, I hear of how my husband's sisters and family go to his ex still to get their hair done. This bugged me ten years ago, but I got over it. She's FB friends with them all. Today a baby shower was hosted at my MIL's house for my husband's sister and who should appear but this ex and her daughter- I came outside as she was chatting with my husband. They have not talked for 10+ years.
I was very flustered and uncomfortable. She was the first one to arrive at the party and stayed quite a while. I found it uncomfortable to sit near her and hear her chat up all my relatives. They all remember her from his dating days and are apparently all chummy. I ended up sneaking off to my bedroom, had a cry, and when I went back out and realized she was gone, I was able to semi-enjoy myself. I am surprised that my husband's family thought it was appropriate to invite her knowing that my husband and I would be there. I know it's the mom-to-be's event and this ex apparently is a friend who does her hair, but I still had a hard day. This ex is prettier than me and I'm sure my husband would have married her if she didn't dump him.
I guess I'm just having a down-in-the-dumps day with all these feelings. I know I shouldn't make it about me since it's not my event. Maybe this is just part of visiting home towns.
Good heavens, why are you so insecure??
Anonymous
08/05/2015 11:26
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
Anonymous wrote:Remember - he married YOU. He is your husband, they are your family. She is no more than an acquaintance.
If they want to get their hair done or whatever by her.. well, that's what they are going to do.
Next time, remember - this is YOUR family. Be polite as you would to anyone else. She's just an acquaintance.Nothing more, nothing less.
Is this a small town?
This is important to remember, its not a competition- she probably is happy in her own life and not looking for a competition either!
Even if she is a close friend, and not just acquaintance, of one of DH sisters- that relationship is just totally not based on your DH and her dating many moons ago. Its evolved and the friendship exists in its own right and has nothing to do with your DH and I'm sure that even though they recognize that's how they started out, its not the focus of their involvement now I am sure. Its just ancient history I am sure in their heads.
Try to think of her not as his "ex" but just SIL friend when you see her because the reality is, that is much more of what her identity is WRT your family.
Anonymous
08/05/2015 11:22
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
Anonymous wrote:I don't see a problem.
Me either. OP, you would never survive in my family. The ex's rarely ever leave the family. We just seem to keep adding more.
Anonymous
08/05/2015 11:10
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
Let it go. It was twelve years ago. Your husband and this woman haven't talked in over a decade. The only one who hasn't left this in the past is you. So have a good cry and then let it go.
Anonymous
08/05/2015 10:46
Subject: Re:My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
Would it be a good sign if your in-laws shunned this woman? Take it as a sign that they are nice people who don't hold a grudge. Have you ever talked to a therapist about your self-esteem issues, because it does sound like you are suffering and you don't need to. There is good help out there.
Anonymous
08/05/2015 10:44
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
Anonymous wrote:Grow up, OP. People have a right to have friends who are ex girlfriends of your DH! She sounds sane whereas you do not.
this!
Anonymous
08/05/2015 10:38
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
This would bother me too.
Anonymous
08/05/2015 10:14
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
Look at it as 'Ex-Girlfriend has long since moved on, DH too, I'm pathetic if I'm the one crying in a bedroom when no one else gives a damn about it.'
Anonymous
08/05/2015 09:53
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
I don't have any advice OP, but wanted to say this would bother me also.
Anonymous
08/05/2015 09:46
Subject: My husband's family is continually involved with his ex
Get over it, OP. If your husband is over it/okay with it, you should be too. He married YOU, after all. This woman did NOTHING to you.