Anonymous wrote:I really disagree with a lot of what has been
posted here. If I send a child or teen to a sleepover with a phone it is for his/her use, and I want them to habe access to it without needing to ask or turn it on. I would be really put off if someone took something that belongs to my child.

This.
My 10 year old dd was at a sleepover at a good friends house for the first time, and texted me at 1am that she didn't feel comfortable there and wanted out of that house immediately. Luckily the issue wasn't as horrifying as it sounded, but when you get a text like that from your daughter, you're grateful that she has access to communicate with you without going through the parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 12.5 yr old has an iPhone. I'm all for you telling her no phone use past 10pm or whatever. When she's not 100% comfortable at a sleepover (not liking the kid much, having a weird mix of girls there that aren't all pure friends) she sometimes is comforted by texting me good night and then texts me the second she wakes up as a polite way of saying "Don't forget to come pick me up!".

I'm 14:22, and this is exactly the sort of reason my kids have a phone and I want them to have access to it... I'm not massively worried about actual physical safety or you're right they wouldn't be going, but I want them to feel able to proactively manage their comfort and safety, which to me includes having a way of contacting home easily if they're feeling a bit uncomfortable with something. That doesn't seem terribly unreasonable to me, especially as the kids get older and sometimes plans change or situations go unexpected ways. I'd rather they feel confident they have information at their fingertips and an exit strategy if needed. It makes both the kids and us parents feel comfortable giving them a lot more freedom.

Heaven forbid that your kids be uncomfortable. What some of the more insecure parents are saying is that "they" need to feel comfortable from their own insecurities under the guise that their child must be tethered to their cell phones in case they need an exit strategy.

Not too long ago, many, many kids went to sleepovers before cell phones and if they needed an exit strategy, they just asked to use the host family's phone and mom or dad came right over and picked them up. SMDH.

My DD, 11, does not have her own phone yet (we have a family flip phone she takes with her if a phone is needed), but I've never had an issue when her friends brings one and I certainly don't take it away or place extra limits its on it. Sleepovers are an occasional thing and I keep a pretty close eye on what kids under my roof are up to. If I see behavior that's a problem, I'll address it (as in, "okay guys, it's pretty late. I need you to keep the volume down", or whatever). I wouldn't got after the electronics unless they are being abused (for example, porn kid's parents need to know what their child is up too). Honestly, as my kids become teens, I like being the house where DCs friends feel welcome.

OP, I would be OK with you taking the phone, but I would have wanted you to ask me--pre sleepover--to tell my child that the phone would be taken at a certain time. I've carefully instructed my children not to allow anyone except us touch their phones (due to the rash of dropped/smashed iPhones I see among my students who pass them around). My child would have been uncomfortable to be put on the spot when someone asked for the phone, but if you had told me before the sleepover, it would have been fine.

Anonymous wrote:My 12.5 yr old has an iPhone. I'm all for you telling her no phone use past 10pm or whatever. When she's not 100% comfortable at a sleepover (not liking the kid much, having a weird mix of girls there that aren't all pure friends) she sometimes is comforted by texting me good night and then texts me the second she wakes up as a polite way of saying "Don't forget to come pick me up!".

I'm 14:22, and this is exactly the sort of reason my kids have a phone and I want them to have access to it... I'm not massively worried about actual physical safety or you're right they wouldn't be going, but I want them to feel able to proactively manage their comfort and safety, which to me includes having a way of contacting home easily if they're feeling a bit uncomfortable with something. That doesn't seem terribly unreasonable to me, especially as the kids get older and sometimes plans change or situations go unexpected ways. I'd rather they feel confident they have information at their fingertips and an exit strategy if needed. It makes both the kids and us parents feel comfortable giving them a lot more freedom.

Please tell the kids and parents that you plan to take the phone when you invite them. We have a simple flip phone that our ten year old only has when out without a family member. She has food allergies and between the fear of her eating something and getting sick as well as her not wanting to be rude if there is nothing for her to eat we all feel better when she has a phone readily available. So, our family rule is you must have the phone if you're not at home or with us. She would panic if she was told to turn it in against our house rules. Of course I always let the hosting family know about the allergies and medical problems and she is a great advocate for herself but this is the way we choose to deal with it. So, it is fine if you give advance notice, fine to ask kids not to use devices after a certain time, but NOT fine to just make this rule once the kids are there.

My 12.5 yr old has an iPhone. I'm all for you telling her no phone use past 10pm or whatever. When she's not 100% comfortable at a sleepover (not liking the kid much, having a weird mix of girls there that aren't all pure friends) she sometimes is comforted by texting me good night and then texts me the second she wakes up as a polite way of saying "Don't forget to come pick me up!".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree with a lot of what has been
posted here. If I send a child or teen to a sleepover with a phone it is for his/her use, and I want them to habe access to it without needing to ask or turn it on. I would be really put off if someone took something that belongs to my child.

You must be the one whose kid showed porn to my kid.

Lol!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you can! We have a lights out time and no electronics past a certain point time. Also, we have a no texting to outside friends rule; the idea is to enjoy the friends who are there, those not invited dont feel excluded, and keeps those not invited being allowed "in." Would also never hesitate to collect devices if felt need to.

My DC are very compliant as are their friends and we don't do sleepovers frequently so easy to enforce. My DH is a late night person and we have boys so he is in/ out alot checking, joking -- hard to get away with much.

And, will say, we always tell all the parents our rules up front and they all say "great, so glad you are doing x." So you can do it - just be upfront at beginning!

This, please. As a family we would be uncomfortable with your rule but depending on how much our kids wanted to attend the sleepover at your home we would likely allow them to go anyway, given the rules you have in place that would require they relinquish their phone, only after discussion and agreement at home first. If you told my kids at the sleepover that your rules required giving up their phones, that would put them in a tough spot since that's contrary to our family rules if done without advance notice. We understand that different families have different rules, but phones are expensive and often given as a safety device, so if someone other than my child will be holding on to my child's phone if they go somewhere, we would appreciate knowing this in advance so we could consider that when choosing whether to send our kids.

You are seriously sending your child overnight to a place where they need a safety device? If I was worried like that, they simply wouldn't be going.

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree with a lot of what has been
posted here. If I send a child or teen to a sleepover with a phone it is for his/her use, and I want them to habe access to it without needing to ask or turn it on. I would be really put off if someone took something that belongs to my child.

You must be the one whose kid showed porn to my kid.

Then don't send your child to a sleepover if the parents want to have other rules about it.

I really disagree with a lot of what has been
posted here. If I send a child or teen to a sleepover with a phone it is for his/her use, and I want them to habe access to it without needing to ask or turn it on. I would be really put off if someone took something that belongs to my child.

Anonymous wrote:Of course you can! We have a lights out time and no electronics past a certain point time. Also, we have a no texting to outside friends rule; the idea is to enjoy the friends who are there, those not invited dont feel excluded, and keeps those not invited being allowed "in." Would also never hesitate to collect devices if felt need to.

My DC are very compliant as are their friends and we don't do sleepovers frequently so easy to enforce. My DH is a late night person and we have boys so he is in/ out alot checking, joking -- hard to get away with much.

And, will say, we always tell all the parents our rules up front and they all say "great, so glad you are doing x." So you can do it - just be upfront at beginning!

This, please. As a family we would be uncomfortable with your rule but depending on how much our kids wanted to attend the sleepover at your home we would likely allow them to go anyway, given the rules you have in place that would require they relinquish their phone, only after discussion and agreement at home first. If you told my kids at the sleepover that your rules required giving up their phones, that would put them in a tough spot since that's contrary to our family rules if done without advance notice. We understand that different families have different rules, but phones are expensive and often given as a safety device, so if someone other than my child will be holding on to my child's phone if they go somewhere, we would appreciate knowing this in advance so we could consider that when choosing whether to send our kids.

Of course you can! We have a lights out time and no electronics past a certain point time. Also, we have a no texting to outside friends rule; the idea is to enjoy the friends who are there, those not invited dont feel excluded, and keeps those not invited being allowed "in." Would also never hesitate to collect devices if felt need to.

My DC are very compliant as are their friends and we don't do sleepovers frequently so easy to enforce. My DH is a late night person and we have boys so he is in/ out alot checking, joking -- hard to get away with much.

And, will say, we always tell all the parents our rules up front and they all say "great, so glad you are doing x." So you can do it - just be upfront at begininng!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS went to a sleepover and one kid (who is a jackass and needs more supervision) showed them "two girls, one cup" one his phone. So, yeah. DS was pretty traumatized by the whole situation.

We've taken phones away at sleepovers, but have then had parents tell us they want their child to keep their phone on them. Can't win.

Dare I ask wth is that?

Just the memory of watching that brings on the gag reflex. DONT DO IT! You can't ever unsee it