Anonymous wrote:Both DH and I work full-time out of the home, and our kids are little now, so we depend on after care when school lets out. I was wondering when kids no longer needed after-care, and what they do between 3pm - 5pm/6pm? Is it high school, and they stay after school in various clubs every day of the week? Do they take the bus home (at 13ish?) and just let themselves in and stay home unattended for three hours? I'm in the thick of toddler/kindergarten age right now, so I can't imagine having a child unattended in my home for three hours, but is that how it typically goes for teenagers (or, even younger)?

It depends on each child and you will not know it until you get there. Some children maturely more quickly than others, some need more structure after school than others, it all depends.

Anonymous wrote:Our neighbor's kid has done it since age 7.5 - good kid who seems comfortable, but seems very inadvisable. I agree with PPs who says doing this regular in middle school is a no-no (I was a kid who was good, but got in trouble with this). Maybe high school, and even then, require some type of activity many times per week?

Well, my son started staying home alone in sixth grade. I was single at the time, and our one local aftercare option was kind of terrible, so I was relieved. Also, the school work was getting more challenging at that age, and he really needed the unstructured time to decompress. He became a happier kid when he was no longer in the aftercare program.

Starting out, we had a lot of structure/trial run rules, with the ever looming (but honestly kind of empty) threat of returning to much-hated aftercare. I'm happy to report that he has turned out to be a very with it young man.

Started in MS for DD but her younger brother still went to after school care. The after school care program they were in had a rule where kids could attend through the summer after graduating 5th grade.

The rule was she had to call as soon as she was home, lock the door, and was only allowed in the backyard, but not in the pool. No friends were allowed over, even for schoolwork, until a parent was home. She was usually home alone from around 3:45-5:30ish when DH got home.

We had cameras installed the summer before DD went to HS just because I remember the crazy stuff I did in HS at my house after school with no parents present. My phone alerts me when the door is opened and I can check in to see who's arriving home. Now that they're 14 and 16 they can have friends over but not upstairs (no cameras up there). They both know that I check the cameras from work and haven't abused the lax rules we have about having friends over yet. I'd much rather have a messy house from a group of teens than have my kids off at someone else's house unsupervised. Like I said, I remember the pow-wow's in HS at the end of the day to figure out whose parents were gone and gone the longest.

I decided against aftercare for my 4th grader this year because the times when she would be home after school by herself is extremely limited. I work from home with occasional travel so you're talking two to three days every 3 to 4 weeks from about 3 to 5:30. I wouldn't be comfortable if it was every day. The caveats are the bus drops off two houses away, the next door neighbors are home and know when she's there alone, and my DH works 15 minutes away. He's not entirely thrilled with the idea either so he usually comes home early. So far she's done it twice.

I think it depends on the child, the parents and the neighborhood. My child is in 6th and our school has aftercare through the 8th and believe it or not, 1/3 are in the 8th that go to aftercare. My child goes and loves it, it gives her help with homework, some play time (she is an only and there are no children over the age of 4 in our neighborhood) and she is in a safe place. Plus, for us, mom and dad both commute an hour to work in normal traffic so if school closes early for snow, etc. she has a place to go to wait.

Since she is the only one in our neighborhood in middle school, the bus stop would be far away and it is not in the best of locations. Our neighborhood itself is fine and the neighborhood where the bus stops is fine but the general area she would have to walk through to get home from the bus is sketchy -- transients hanging out, some crime and attacks, kinda hidden from street. I trust her to be home alone but not comfortable with the walk part of it. So we send her to aftercare.

So when you get to that point, it's up to what you all feel works best.

My 9 year old will stay home alone from 3 to about 5 one day a month this year.

My 9 year old 4th grader comes home by himself for an hour or so every day. I have comfortably left him for 3 hours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our neighbor's kid has done it since age 7.5 - good kid who seems comfortable, but seems very inadvisable. I agree with PPs who says doing this regular in middle school is a no-no (I was a kid who was good, but got in trouble with this). Maybe high school, and even then, require some type of activity many times per week?

If my typically-developing middle school kids, nearly a teenager, can't safely stay home on their own for an hour or two after school, or if my high schoolers who will be off at college living completely independently within a few years require special adult-supervised activities to keep themselves out of trouble after school, I will feel that I have totally failed as a parent.

Are you serious?

When do these kids ever get a chance to learn, develop, and practice independence? Surely not out of the blue at 18...

NP here. Not clear how leaving child unattended helps them. One can foster independent thinking and behavior even when you are there. In my opinion, better when you are there. While growing up and in my adulthood, the kids i've met who have been the most aggressive and predatory even have been kids without adult supervision. So even though afterschool time is considered brief in an adult's viewpoint, in a child's eyes it is a half of a school day of time where they are unguided. Sure, it might work fine for some 7th and 8th graders, but just because Maryland allows it for 1.5 hours for 8 year olds doesn't mean it is a good idea or advisable. I think 8 year olds left alone come unravelled, starved with loneliness. Those are the kids who develop a distorted social image. Im not talking about occasionally, i mean chronically of course. I clearly remember those being the kids who start mistreating other kids. We don't have to isolate them to teach them independent thought and action. Just another viewpoint.

Anonymous wrote:Our neighbor's kid has done it since age 7.5 - good kid who seems comfortable, but seems very inadvisable. I agree with PPs who says doing this regular in middle school is a no-no (I was a kid who was good, but got in trouble with this). Maybe high school, and even then, require some type of activity many times per week?

If my typically-developing middle school kids, nearly a teenager, can't safely stay home on their own for an hour or two after school, or if my high schoolers who will be off at college living completely independently within a few years require special adult-supervised activities to keep themselves out of trouble after school, I will feel that I have totally failed as a parent.

Are you serious?

When do these kids ever get a chance to learn, develop, and practice independence? Surely not out of the blue at 18...

Our neighbor's kid has done it since age 7.5 - good kid who seems comfortable, but seems very inadvisable. I agree with PPs who says doing this regular in middle school is a no-no (I was a kid who was good, but got in trouble with this). Maybe high school, and even then, require some type of activity many times per week?

When my now 12 year old DD was 8 (3rd grade) she got home around 45 minutes before I did, sometimes up to an hour with traffic. That's about the longest I would have been comfortable leaving her home alone because even that was pushing it with certain busy body neighbors unfortunately, although she could easily and happily have handled longer.

Bump. Considering this for my own kids. Any new thoughts?

You need to know your own kid, and how responsible they are. But lots of parents don't know their kid, so as PP said, middle school is prime time for starting down the wrong path.

Anonymous wrote:Our 9yo has asked to come home after school this fall. He would be alone for 30 minutes, most days. He says he would like to have some quiet after school to do homework. SACC is loud, I do know that. We are going to do it. I feel perfectly comfortable with it and he can text me from a home device or call me.

Going into 4th grade?

Our 9yo has asked to come home after school this fall. He would be alone for 30 minutes, most days. He says he would like to have some quiet after school to do homework. SACC is loud, I do know that. We are going to do it. I feel perfectly comfortable with it and he can text me from a home device or call me.