What bothers you here is simply the location of these photos. Had the other-side-of-the-family cousins been eating pancakes at anyone else's table, you would not be upset. It does seem odd to me that they chose his side of the family to host her side of the family's "reunion" but perhaps that was just a matter of logistics. However there is nothing wrong with saying to your brother that you had no idea they were all going to be at mom's and you would have happily joined in if you knew. Then again, you said you always host folks while you are at your rental house so perhaps he thought pulling you away from that on a block of time you had not scheduled to see your mom would have disrupted your master plan.

Sure, I think it would've been nice if they had sent you a message saying they were all gathering there and that it would be great if you could join them.

But they had made you aware of their plans, and you did not express interest in joining them. Was there any reason you couldn't visit your mother while they were there? Did you say you wanted to be there all together?

They didn't exclude you. You were not available to them.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you should just move back home. Being away from your family isn't working out for you. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you move to another continent your kids aren't going to have a strong relationship with your family. That's just how it is.

Yeah, this. Plus, we have enough home-grown crazy here. We don't need imports. Please feel free to stay in your home country.

Anonymous wrote:How the f**** are you excluded????
Every time someone goes somewhere they have to take you?
What kind of 3rd grade nonesense is that ?
You brother and his wife have every right to make vacation plans that work for them on their schedule and budget and other needs without checking in with you!!!
This is freaking nuts, you must think the world revolves around you. You sound tiresome!!

Wow. Totally agree.

Since you knew that your brother was visiting your mother and you want them to spend time together, why didn't you go too? If the purpose of your visit is to spend time with your family, why are you renting a house so far away? Why did you only get upset when your SIL's children -- who are not your children's cousins -- became involved?

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you should just move back home. Being away from your family isn't working out for you. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you move to another continent your kids aren't going to have a strong relationship with your family. That's just how it is.

Not eating pancakes with the cousins every time they do does not mean you don't have a strong relationship and being with family every single time every one of them or some combination of them gets together doesn't mean you have a strong relationship.

Sounds like you should just move back home. Being away from your family isn't working out for you. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you move to another continent your kids aren't going to have a strong relationship with your family. That's just how it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have been excluded, you're not part of their lives in a regular way. You have to expect this when you're an ex-pat. We have similar problems when we visit our country of origin. Its an exhausting schlep as far as I'm concerned and would rather do it less.

This.

OP, I see where you are coming from, but no one did this to exclude you. They just went about their lives. I suspect you're also a bit miffed that your SIL's sister's kids have a relationship with your mom. You're just going to need to get over this one.

Yes. And no. Five beautiful kids eating pancakes at my mothers kitchen table with the caption "the cousins" made me sad, yes. This was apparently also a late celebration of my nieces birthday. Not saying that I was excluded, saying that I felt excluded. mostly sad for my kids actually. And fwiw, I adore my sister in laws sister and her kids!

Don't know if this is true. Your kids have no idea that this visit happened, right?

No they don't, but I want them to be a part of the family. My kids are my brothers kids cousins....

Wha? They ARE part of the family. Pour yourself some more wine, watch some TV and stop thinking about this.