also OP, has it occurred to you that he knew that he was infertile before he married you?

OP, you don't have enough time to divorce then find another good match then have a kid. TRUST me, get a sperm donor then tell him you are pregnant. If he asks how, then tell the truth, if he leaves, you are in the same position you would be if you left him, then divorced. Only difference is you have a child, which is unlikely if you go the route of divorce then remarry...

You could still separate, start dating, finalize divorce, and remarry in time to have kids by age 41 or 42.

You could also plan to not worry and rush, take the time you need in finding the right person for a second marriage, then use donor egg.

You need ro choose between coupled childlessness and single motherhood. Sorry, but that is the reality at your age. You cannot bank on finding someone else to have kids with. You can do soerm donor and find someone who is up for marriage to a single mom, but that's not guaranteed. If you have the money and are determined enough you can become a single mom one way or another, even if it means adopting an older child, paying for donor embryos and surrogacy, etc. you need to weigh all possible outcomes.

Get divorced.

You can then find someone else who wants kids or have a child on your own.

You want kids and you will regret you didn't have them.

If you were on the fence or didn't care very much, then I would say stay.

Also, consider if your DH is having an affair. If there are kids, he might feel trapped and feel like he would have to stay. No kids, if the affair works out, he can bail with baggage. Not kidding. Happened to a friend of mine when she was 42. Her DH was 36.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OPs husband is being selfish here. They both want kids and talked through potential outcomes before marriage. Now denying her kids because he refuses to use donor sperm isn't very fair. I don't understand how anyone who wants kids would be less happy with a brand new baby who just doesn't happen to have 50% of their DNA. I get why adoption could be hard on some people, but sperm donation? Doesn't make sense to me. Plenty of men have raised baby's who weren't theirs and never been the wiser. OP could prob just pick a donor who looks like DH and say its a miracle baby.

Oh my ha ha that's so wrong! ...don't tempt me!

I was going to suggest this but was afraid of the backlash.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can speak from experience. Get sperm donor without his permission, if he leaves you, you know where you stood all along.

Wtf?!?! No, do not do this. Have conversations like grown adults. Be honest that you can't see your life without kids.

Oh, and OP, I would so without making any suggestions about divorcee.

OP, I can speak from experience. Get sperm donor without his permission, if he leaves you, you know where you stood all along.

I thought male factor played less of a role with IVF? How many eggs fertilized and how many did you transfer? Do you know anything about your egg quality? How may IVFs did you attempt?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OPs husband is being selfish here. They both want kids and talked through potential outcomes before marriage. Now denying her kids because he refuses to use donor sperm isn't very fair. I don't understand how anyone who wants kids would be less happy with a brand new baby who just doesn't happen to have 50% of their DNA. I get why adoption could be hard on some people, but sperm donation? Doesn't make sense to me. Plenty of men have raised baby's who weren't theirs and never been the wiser. OP could prob just pick a donor who looks like DH and say its a miracle baby.

Oh my ha ha that's so wrong! ...don't tempt me!

Handsome stranger with the right blood type-

Well, OP, are you financially independent?

If so, go ahead and adopt domestically.

For me, kids are more important than a recalcitrant husband.

Anonymous wrote:I think OPs husband is being selfish here. They both want kids and talked through potential outcomes before marriage. Now denying her kids because he refuses to use donor sperm isn't very fair. I don't understand how anyone who wants kids would be less happy with a brand new baby who just doesn't happen to have 50% of their DNA. I get why adoption could be hard on some people, but sperm donation? Doesn't make sense to me. Plenty of men have raised baby's who weren't theirs and never been the wiser. OP could prob just pick a donor who looks like DH and say its a miracle baby.

Oh my ha ha that's so wrong! ...don't tempt me!

I think OPs husband is being selfish here. They both want kids and talked through potential outcomes before marriage. Now denying her kids because he refuses to use donor sperm isn't very fair. I don't understand how anyone who wants kids would be less happy with a brand new baby who just doesn't happen to have 50% of their DNA. I get why adoption could be hard on some people, but sperm donation? Doesn't make sense to me. Plenty of men have raised baby's who weren't theirs and never been the wiser. OP could prob just pick a donor who looks like DH and say its a miracle baby.

Anonymous wrote:We're infertile, have tried multiple rounds of IVF, and husband does not want donor sperm or adoption. I'm 37 and feel like I'm at an impasse. We married with the expectation and understanding that we'd have kids together. But given the infertility and refusal to seek other ways to have kids, would it be crazy to get divorced? I'm just not sure I can see my future with my husband w/o kids, but he's perfectly happy with just the two of us.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, do you want such a big "what if" weighing on you? It is not crazy to get divorced if the two of you want different paths in life. Don't compromise on something as major as having children, don't set yourself up for those regrets. Your DH might agree to donor or adoption if you bring up separation, but keep in mind, he'd be compromising what he wanted out of life and may live with regrets.

No one will like this, but since this is anonymous and all...

My BIL divorced his wife over infertility. A lot of people gave him hell for it but hes married with three children and over the moon happy. Because that is the life he envisioned for himself.