Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I have to say I am really shocked by all the responses saying I'm wrong. I just don't see it that way. I haven't taken any vows or made any promises to anyone. His wife's feelings are not my concern. I don't think she knows about us, since we are secretive. I don't care if he leaves his wife or not. It's probably better for me if he doesn't leave her, because that gives me some independence and free time.

However, since I asked for opinions, I'm going to give it some thought.

I'm really shocked how unaware and selfish you are. He may have taken the vow, but you're complicit in helping him break it.

How can you possibly not think you're doing anything wrong? Something isn't write with your sense of right & wrong.

Op, love has nothing to do with it and for the record, I am guessing this is NOT the first...am I right? There is something wrong for you to think you are better person for being able to sleep with someone else's husband!!! The mentality is in the wrong place OP.
You still have time to change but until you figure out why you are doing this, nothing is going to change. EVER. You will have trust issues down the road, there is always price to be paid. No free lunches babe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a never-been-married 40 year old woman and I've been in an affair with a 55 year old married man for 3 years. I'm happy. I love him, he loves me, sex is great, non-sex time is great. I don't want anything to change. Several of my closest women friends have told me they think I am wrong for being involved with a married guy. I say, "I'm not the one who took the vows. I'm not deceiving anyone." Should I re-think this?

OP, you seem very self-centered ... not surprisingly. "I'm happy, I'm not the one who took vows." I suppose that's how you got to be a 40 year old who never married and thinks nothing of having an affair with a married man.

If you could think past the end of your own little bubble, you would realize the damage this is doing, and your part in keeping it alive. Your shack-up took vows to another woman, establishing a union supported by the state and, possibly, the church. There are reasons that marriage vows are legal contracts, and are in place for the good of society. You really can't see how making that fall apart is destructive to people beyond yourself?

She's not making anything do anything. He is.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I have to say I am really shocked by all the responses saying I'm wrong. I just don't see it that way. I haven't taken any vows or made any promises to anyone. His wife's feelings are not my concern. I don't think she knows about us, since we are secretive. I don't care if he leaves his wife or not. It's probably better for me if he doesn't leave her, because that gives me some independence and free time.

However, since I asked for opinions, I'm going to give it some thought.

Just b/c I haven't taken vows or made promises, doesn't mean I'm free to steal, lie, or hurt as I wish. No vows taken before I go to the grocery story, but I still can't steal the steak.

That said, there are certainly marriages in which one spouse more or less consents to an affair by the other. Does your AP have his wife's consent?

Yup, wrong. If you are really into married guys, I'm sure you could find one in a consensually non-monogomous relationship.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I have to say I am really shocked by all the responses saying I'm wrong. I just don't see it that way. I haven't taken any vows or made any promises to anyone. His wife's feelings are not my concern. I don't think she knows about us, since we are secretive. I don't care if he leaves his wife or not. It's probably better for me if he doesn't leave her, because that gives me some independence and free time.

However, since I asked for opinions, I'm going to give it some thought.

Generally, if you have to say that someone's feeling are not your concern, you are doing something wrong.

Yes

Anonymous wrote:I'm a never-been-married 40 year old woman and I've been in an affair with a 55 year old married man for 3 years. I'm happy. I love him, he loves me, sex is great, non-sex time is great. I don't want anything to change. Several of my closest women friends have told me they think I am wrong for being involved with a married guy. I say, "I'm not the one who took the vows. I'm not deceiving anyone." Should I re-think this?

OP, you seem very self-centered ... not surprisingly. "I'm happy, I'm not the one who took vows." I suppose that's how you got to be a 40 year old who never married and thinks nothing of having an affair with a married man.

If you could think past the end of your own little bubble, you would realize the damage this is doing, and your part in keeping it alive. Your shack-up took vows to another woman, establishing a union supported by the state and, possibly, the church. There are reasons that marriage vows are legal contracts, and are in place for the good of society. You really can't see how making that fall apart is destructive to people beyond yourself?

OP here, and I have to say I am really shocked by all the responses saying I'm wrong. I just don't see it that way. I haven't taken any vows or made any promises to anyone. His wife's feelings are not my concern. I don't think she knows about us, since we are secretive. I don't care if he leaves his wife or not. It's probably better for me if he doesn't leave her, because that gives me some independence and free time.

However, since I asked for opinions, I'm going to give it some thought.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you're wrong OP. You can't possibly be serious in your question. Something is seriously wrong with your moral compass - it's totally broken.

I'm a single 35 year old women. I've had married men hit on me. I ignore them, because I have fucking morals. For carrying on 3 years KNOWING he is married, you're a pretty awful person. He is also a pretty awful person.

Hopefully one day you both will grow and not be awful human beings.

mmm hmmm. judgy isn't sexy.

I'd rather be "judgy" about things like this, and single, than be a shit human being. Not having ethics is so unappealing.

I did this when I was in my 20s. I loved him and ultimately it was very destructive. You seem okay with the arrangement, though. I will say that back then I had little empathy for his wife, and now I feel very badly for her. Their marriage had suffered as a result of fertility struggles, which I could not understand at the time. Now that I'm going through the same thing I see the strain it puts on a relationship and I realize how selfish my affair partner was for cheating.

Karma.

Yes, you're wrong. Of course you're wrong. Really, you have to ask?

Yup, you are wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are wrong and not too bright if you have to ask.

This. You and your affair partner both lack integrity. Now if his wife knows and doesn't care, that's a different story. If you are doing this in secret, shame on you both.