Anonymous wrote:The other post at the top right now touches on my problem.

Here's a post:
I think the best thing for you would be to focus on helping others. You may think you are living in a shit storm, but a few nights working in the NICU, a homeless shelter or helping out in a women's home for domestic abuse victims might give you some perspective. Then you could go to sleep grateful for what you have, instead of thinking that you deserve better.

It's not the perspective part that bothers me, but the fact that I can't love people enough to do things like this for them. I believe the best way to teach people about Christ is to show them love, and....I just can't.

Maybe that's a little clearer.

Maybe that's because your focus right now is appropriately not on "teaching people about Christ" but on improving your own life, which you've noticed Christ does not seem to be helping with

The other post at the top right now touches on my problem.

Here's a post:
I think the best thing for you would be to focus on helping others. You may think you are living in a shit storm, but a few nights working in the NICU, a homeless shelter or helping out in a women's home for domestic abuse victims might give you some perspective. Then you could go to sleep grateful for what you have, instead of thinking that you deserve better.

It's not the perspective part that bothers me, but the fact that I can't love people enough to do things like this for them. I believe the best way to teach people about Christ is to show them love, and....I just can't.

Maybe that's a little clearer.

To be loved, you have to act in a loving manner towards others. It's a chicken and the egg problem. The more you understand other people, the easier they are to accept. And acceptance is the key, not LOVE. Also, you need to get a sense of humor about your position instead of boo-hooing. Learn to find the humorous side of what is going on in your life - start thinking about your day as if it was going to be in a situation comedy script starring Roseanne or someone like that.

The baby isn't quite so new - over a year old - , but yes, I did have PPD.

But really, I started thinking about this because Mark 12:31 was the Gospel reading a few weeks ago.

Anonymous wrote:DH is military, so yes, it's very typical and even expected, especially during a deployment.

Anyway, most of that stuff is ancient history, but are examples PP asked for. Ancient history, but situations I'm still in - you can imagine that there's no way I'm going to reach out and show care to the same people who now need it, you know?

OP you mention that you have a new baby. Could some of this be hormone related depression and/or lack of sleep issues?

DH is military, so yes, it's very typical and even expected, especially during a deployment.

Anyway, most of that stuff is ancient history, but are examples PP asked for. Ancient history, but situations I'm still in - you can imagine that there's no way I'm going to reach out and show care to the same people who now need it, you know?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I know I don't have to be best friends with everyone, but I want to get to the point where I'm not yelling "Fuck those assholes" in the car on the way home from the grocery store.

Can you give us examples of what happens that makes you want to say that?

Well, I did - the teenagers that mooed at me.

More examples? Sigh. The other moms who won't even consider having lunch time or weekend playdates so I can join in. The people at DH's work and at church who reach out to everyone else, but left me alone with a deployed husband and new baby. No food, no calls.

It's hard to let go of the hate and forgive people, and it makes me so less likely to reach out and love others.

PP is right, I need to love myself first, and that's so hard. It's hard to remember that God cares about me.

As your self image improves, OP, you will find that some of these things are not the attack you feel they are now. My guess, though I don't really know, is that they moms are considering playdates during lunch or the weekends because it interferes with their own lives, not because they don't want you there. I don't know if reaching out to families is usual in your DH's workplace, but it certainly isn't in mine. It wouldn't even occur to people to reach out to the wife of a coworker as you suggest.

The point I am trying to make is not that your feelings are not valid-- they are your feelings and you are hurt. But as your self-love improves (and frankly, I can't imagine any new mom home alone with an infant and no support not to be borderline depressed - time may really be the cure-all here) you just won't feel as hurt by these slights as you do now.

I loved my neighbor and ex-DW divorced me.

Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Hmmmm? If you don't love yourself you have a big problem. You will find it harder to love that neighbor, but you can to a degree, just as you can give love to others who are closer. The biggest issue though is that you will find it very difficult, if not impossible, to FEEL the love others have for you and more importantly to understand God's love for you. This will leave a huge empty spot within and make all the joyful things less so.

How important is love? Among the many other references to go 1 Cor 13. It is greater than faith and greater than hope. Can you find any other emotion that has as many facets?

So....start with yourself...and begin with forgiveness.

Anonymous wrote:The prior two recommendations are not mutually exclusive.

And I am seeing a therapist.

The prior two recommendations are not mutually exclusive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I know I don't have to be best friends with everyone, but I want to get to the point where I'm not yelling "Fuck those assholes" in the car on the way home from the grocery store.

Can you give us examples of what happens that makes you want to say that?

Well, I did - the teenagers that mooed at me.

More examples? Sigh. The other moms who won't even consider having lunch time or weekend playdates so I can join in. The people at DH's work and at church who reach out to everyone else, but left me alone with a deployed husband and new baby. No food, no calls.

It's hard to let go of the hate and forgive people, and it makes me so less likely to reach out and love others.

PP is right, I need to love myself first, and that's so hard. It's hard to remember that God cares about me.

This is really hard, but it's really the focus of God's grace for you. I'd recommend starting to pray the Psalms, and put your name in to the verses as you read them aloud. For today, try Psalm 18:19.

I recommend seeing a therapist

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I know I don't have to be best friends with everyone, but I want to get to the point where I'm not yelling "Fuck those assholes" in the car on the way home from the grocery store.

Can you give us examples of what happens that makes you want to say that?

Well, I did - the teenagers that mooed at me.

More examples? Sigh. The other moms who won't even consider having lunch time or weekend playdates so I can join in. The people at DH's work and at church who reach out to everyone else, but left me alone with a deployed husband and new baby. No food, no calls.

It's hard to let go of the hate and forgive people, and it makes me so less likely to reach out and love others.

PP is right, I need to love myself first, and that's so hard. It's hard to remember that God cares about me.

This is really hard, but it's really the focus of God's grace for you. I'd recommend starting to pray the Psalms, and put your name in to the verses as you read them aloud. For today, try Psalm 18:19.

Does God care if we hate ourselves? Serious question.

And my serious answer: yes.

We are made in God's image. God is Father God who loves us unconditionally. We are all God's children. All of us.

You were knitted together in your mother's womb, God knows you.

Psalm 139:13 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I know I don't have to be best friends with everyone, but I want to get to the point where I'm not yelling "Fuck those assholes" in the car on the way home from the grocery store.

Can you give us examples of what happens that makes you want to say that?

Well, I did - the teenagers that mooed at me.

More examples? Sigh. The other moms who won't even consider having lunch time or weekend playdates so I can join in. The people at DH's work and at church who reach out to everyone else, but left me alone with a deployed husband and new baby. No food, no calls.

It's hard to let go of the hate and forgive people, and it makes me so less likely to reach out and love others.

PP is right, I need to love myself first, and that's so hard. It's hard to remember that God cares about me.