Op, the constant challenging would drive me crazy too. I don't think your requests were too extreme. They should respect the fact that you and your dh are the parents and you set the rules regarding your kids. I get that it's a tough situation since they are providing free childcare essentially. Maybe you can cut back to once a month or something until your child is a little older.

Maybe I'm overbearing too but I see no problem in any of your complaints. Team safety first!

OP again. thanks very much all. we are not paying for five days of daycare, found a program near our house that we love that allows PT care.

DC adores his grandparents and they are very involved, active caregivers which I know is fantastic for him so don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face or whatever the saying is.... It is the constant desire to challenge us that drives us up the wall -- and agree with those that said this will only get worse as he gets older and DC can comprehend that some adults don't think his parents' rules merit following...

Recently found out we have DC2 on the way, thinking that baby's arrival might be a good time to change care schedule. May stay at home for a while after that point anyhow...

thanks again to all.

It's summer so I'd say you, as the parents, have decided to extend Joey's daycare to five days a week. He's really blossoming there and the regular routine is a benefit for your household.

Get a sitter. Seriously.
Find a way to extricate yourself from the set up.
Are you already paying for 5 days of daycare?

Sorry this is just the beginning. As your child gets older it will get worse. Get a sitter. That is so disrespectful to disregard your rules.

Anonymous wrote:OP again --- thanks for all the responses. To clear up the confusion, yes, they watch him at our house but many of the examples referred to time we spent with them at their house, while we were there all day at family events and able to express our wishes.

Kinda fascinated by the variety of responses --- very open to hearing people telling me we need to chill out, because we are first timers and that may well be the case. On the other hand, we're quite easygoing about a lot of other things --- ie what he eats etc., wears and even sunscreen --- fwiw we usually don't bother with it at all but when he's going to the pool or beach we feel like he should be wearing it. Was just kinda shocked to have someone try to argue with us on a few issues that are important to us.

I think more than any one of the single issues you've brought up is the dismissive attitude that's a problem. If your FIL doesn't respect that you call the shots when it comes to your kid, then that's just not a winning situation, IME. Some things are simply not up for discussion and if your FIL wants to argue about it with you in front of your kids, obviously that's not going to work.

I'd have your husband say something in whatever format works for his family, whether it's a "Dad, cut it out" in the moment to nip it in the bud, or a sit down conversation "there's something that we need to resolve" and if he's not willing to do that, or if your ILs are completely hostile to the message, then I'd thank them for their kind offer, but that just point out the obvious - that you owe daycare full tuition regardless of whether you use it 80% or 100% of the time, so you'll end up enrolling Junior in full time care, and if they're open to it, take the ILs up on their offer when you need back-up care, or date night sitting, and then only actually utilize that option on terms that you feel comfortable with.

OP again --- thanks for all the responses. To clear up the confusion, yes, they watch him at our house but many of the examples referred to time we spent with them at their house, while we were there all day at family events and able to express our wishes.

Kinda fascinated by the variety of responses --- very open to hearing people telling me we need to chill out, because we are first timers and that may well be the case. On the other hand, we're quite easygoing about a lot of other things --- ie what he eats etc., wears and even sunscreen --- fwiw we usually don't bother with it at all but when he's going to the pool or beach we feel like he should be wearing it. Was just kinda shocked to have someone try to argue with us on a few issues that are important to us.

Op you know the answer. Your ils are quite rude.

Anonymous wrote:They watch him in your home but all the bad stuff happens in their home? I'm confused.

+1 Your first sentence says that they watch your son at your house once a week, but all the problems are on their property. I don't get it.

I agree with you on the lifting thing - my shoulder was dislocated as a child from a nanny lifting me by the arm.

Either you end the arrangement or you cede some control to them. They aren't hired help, they are family, and one of the downsides of free childcare is that you lose some control. If you don't feel that your son is safe, he should not be staying there. If you do trust them to keep him safe, then you need to back off and accept that they will do things differently.

Op - you have no power here.

Not when you get free childcare.

If they don; do it to your satisfaction, you make other arrangements.

So what does your spouse say about all this?

Anonymous wrote:OP, the merits of your complaints are not the issue. Their response is; your kid- your rules. Time to get another sitter.

+1

OP, the merits of your complaints are not the issue. Their response is; your kid- your rules. Time to get another sitter.