Anonymous wrote:Christmas is a federal holiday celebrating the role model of Jesus like MLK, Wasington, Lincoln.

BTW in some circles Hanukah has become just as sexual as Christmas. I've met a few non-Jews who have Menorahs, and give kids dreidels for Hanukah. The difference is that the period is not set up as a federal holiday.

Christmas is a federal holiday because, practically, nothing would get done on Christmas because the majority of America celebrates it. It has nothing to do with celebrating Jesus.

I'm also stumped trying to figure out what autocorrected to sexual

Darn autocorrect!!!! Sexual should read secular.

Christmas is a federal holiday celebrating the role model of Jesus like MLK, Wasington, Lincoln.

BTW in some circles Hanukah has become just as sexual as Christmas. I've met a few non-Jews who have Menorahs, and give kids dreidels for Hanukah. The difference is that the period is not set up as a federal holiday.

It's a tree people. A decoration. Not a symbol of faith if you don't want it to be. In other words you dont need to feel threatened by this.
If a non-Jew posted similar concern about a Menorah all hell would break loose on here - it would be seen as anti-semetic and i think we all know this.
Op, your kids won't be less Jewish because of a tree in the house. They will probably love it. Enjoy the holidays (all of them)!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The tree doesn't have any religious significance, it's a secular symbol of the holiday.

So it's a secular symbol of the Christmas holiday? But Christmas is a religious holiday. Why is there a secular symbol?

Christmas has a religious side and a secular side. Many strict Christian sects have had issues with the secular side of Christmas over the years. Puritans banned it. Jevohah's Witnesses don't celebrate it. My fundie receptionist (not sure what she is --Foursquare Bible, maybe) doesn't celebrate it.

My family is atheist. We put up a tree and celebrate secular Christmas. It's an excuse for parties and gifts and pretty lights and good food in December, when the days are shortest. It has about as much religious significance for us as the 4th of July.

Table too --> table top

My kids have their own.

OP I hope you find a suitable solution for melding your family!

The problem may be that while DH agreed to allow kids be raised Jewish, he may have not dumped his beliefs, despite not practicing Catholicsm. It wasn't an issue to him since his Catholic kids weren't in the house. He clearly wants to continuing raising (do you do that with an 18yo?) his older daughter Catholic.

Out of box thought: has anyone asked SD whether she cares about a Christmas tree? Will she have a room big enough to have a table too one of her own? However, this may not work, if DH (who sounds like a grocery store Catholic) expects to continue celebrating Christmas holiday as he always has with his Catholic daughter. So, in that respect OP would be going back on her stance if she did not allow for this expression in the household.

I guess for me, as a Jewish person, the difference comes down to participating in someone else's holiday vs actually celebrating. Our household, as well as many other Jewish households, don't have a tree because we would consider that as celebrating the holiday of Christmas. However, I'd have zero issue being invited to someone else's house to share in their holiday traditions. However, now you are talking about having the tradition actually occurring in your home. This can be confusing for younger kids.

I'm also a stepmom, so I understand how this is a tricky situation. Your stepdaughter is now part of the household, and she's not Jewish. So, she should be able to have her own traditions. It's not going to be the same as if she were living in a completely Christian house. But perhaps you can discuss with your husband how the holiday can be special and personal for your stepdaughter while still clearly being cultural sharing, rather than celebrating for your kids.

Maybe your husband and his daughter buy the tree and decorate the tree. Maybe on Christmas there is a special meal, she gets gifts, but your whole family gathers while she opens them. Then on Hanukah, the little kids get their gifts and she can participate in the meal and just watch the menorah lighting


Just throwing some stuff out there. But mainly just approaching this as sharing each other's traditions.

Woops - above difference related to refrig shelf point -- another post went up before I finished it.

It is different. A shelf in a fridge is an accommodation. A six foot tree in a living room with decorations and lights is a statement in some way about the owners of the home. There is no way around that even if different folks have different ideas as to what statement it makes. My guess is this situation was not contemplated by OP and DH. SD is 18, OP and DH have been involved 10 years. We don't why SD moved in or how long she will stay, we don't know the ages of OPs kids. For many Jews -- obviously not all -- part of their identiy is not signalling they may be something else; not assimilating beyond a certain point in a dominant Christian society. I am not religous - I am a bit spiritual -- but I am definitely Jewish culturally and in my identity and the thought of having a tree in the house when my kids
were small was something I would not do (I may be able to contemplate a small one now that my kids are older for the reasons others above note). There are many more important ways OP can make SD comfortable and feel loved
without a tree. This gets back to the other kids' ages and whatever deal OP and DH struck in their marriage. They can change the deal, of course, for SD's benefit, but know that the tree could have other family consequences. Do OP's kids acknowledge Christmas at home now at all or not? Gifts? If kids are older and OP wants to expose them more to Christmas and show respect for SD, she can take the family to mass on Christmas. Or the family can do volunteer work on Christmas for children or the elderly. There are many better ways to show an embracing of the Christmas spirit for the whole family than cutting down a tree this first year with SD.

Doesn't sound like DH converted. If that's the case, have your kids inquired about this? If you're concerned about the effect a tree has on them, maybe you address it the same way as you explained DH's beliefs. I suspect that this conversation has not yet happened. Not sure whether you understand where DH's beliefs are either. Many Catholics are not practicing, yet hold many of the beliefs. This may be partly why his question about the tree took you for a loop. On the other hand, maybe he expects everyone in the household to tolerate others beliefs as he has been doing (maybe he's atheist, maybe agonostic, maybe Christian, ...?).

Anonymous wrote:What if we flipped the details of this situation a bit. Imagine that a friend who was Catholic and raising her kids Catholic came to you for advice: her husband is Jewish and his daughter who Jewish has moved in with them. He would like to put up a menorah at Chanukah because he knows that his daughter has been raised to be more religious than he has been over the past ten years. Wouldn't you advise your friend that it would be appropriate to allow her stepdaughter to honor and observe her religious practices in her home, which is now also the stepdaughter's home?

Of course. I would even kosher a shelf of the fridge and get a set of glass dishes, which is what I did years ago for an observant Jewish roommate. Why would it be at all different?

What if we flipped the details of this situation a bit. Imagine that a friend who was Catholic and raising her kids Catholic came to you for advice: her husband is Jewish and his daughter who Jewish has moved in with them. He would like to put up a menorah at Chanukah because he knows that his daughter has been raised to be more religious than he has been over the past ten years. Wouldn't you advise your friend that it would be appropriate to allow her stepdaughter to honor and observe her religious practices in her home, which is now also the stepdaughter's home?

Anonymous wrote:You stepdaughter has moved into your house. She is not Jewish, she is Christian. Therefore you help her feel at home by assisting her celebrate her holidays. It's the same in you would do for an exchange student, help them celebrate Ramadan, Diwali, etc.

If you were super concerned about keeping strictly in the Jewish faith, you would be keeping kosher and not have married out. So don't make the tree a battle.

+1 Don't fear the tree. It's not a threat to your kids' beliefs.

I'm an atheist and have a tree up every winter. People assume it's a christmas tree all the time, but we are just celebrating the seasons and that makes sense for us. Your house, your family, your decision about what it means to you. That said, if your SD is Catholic, it may very well mean it's a "Christmas" tree for her, which should be okay in her own home.