Anonymous
07/25/2015 10:50
Subject: Gift for newly found birth family?
I am not being unfair. I am being realistic. I am sincerely glad you have an idealistic situation, but that is not alway (some research would even suggest not usually) the case. There are aways more than one way things can turn out.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As do I, which is why I suggested cautious optimism. I know what it is like when dreams don't match reality--especially of concern when cultural expectations are not in sync. Good luck to you and best wishes for a happy reunion.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:More importantly, when expectations are too high and romanticism runs rapid, it sets the state for soul crushing disappointment.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm still in shock, a bit, that I've found my birth mother! She lives overseas and when we meet for the first time, I'd like to bring a gift. Gift-giving is big in her culture and I know other adoptees who've run afoul of customs with their gifts. Any ideas for an appropriate gift? The reason I was placed for adoption was poverty and while I've been told she's ok now, I want to make sure whatever I give is not too much but not too little. I'm definitely going to make a photo album for her, but am looking for other things as well. I also have three brothers and am told at least three nieces and nephews- what for them as well?
Please don't romanticize this too much -- it scares people from wanting to adopt.
OP here. I don't know why I'm responding to this post, but I suppose I couldn't resist. If prospective adoptive parents can't handle the fact that someone may want to know more about their origins AND want to reassure their birth mother that they turned out ok, then they shouldn't adopt.
Don't worry about soul crushing disappointment either. This is not the best thing to ever happen to me (that's my husband and kids) so if things don't work out, it won't be the worst thing either.
And, this may blow your mind, but my parents (the people who raised me and whom I have always and will always consider my parents) are coming with me to meet my birth family. I'm also an adoptive parent so I know how it works on both sides of the equation.
You are being unusually unfair. We have an open adoption with relatives in another country. We make it work and learned each others culture and have shared. Grandma who swore off American food and many other things now has me stop for coffee and french fries on the way home from the airport. I have to send her coffee every few months. She sends us tons of stuff too. When she comes, she cooks from her country and teaches me. I cook our favorite foods which she loves. If both parties want to, it can work beautifully. I am not sure who it benefits more - our child or us. We'd be friends with people like them if it were another situation and its more natural being family with them than some of our biological relatives.
Anonymous
07/23/2015 21:33
Subject: Gift for newly found birth family?
Anonymous wrote:As do I, which is why I suggested cautious optimism. I know what it is like when dreams don't match reality--especially of concern when cultural expectations are not in sync. Good luck to you and best wishes for a happy reunion.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:More importantly, when expectations are too high and romanticism runs rapid, it sets the state for soul crushing disappointment.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm still in shock, a bit, that I've found my birth mother! She lives overseas and when we meet for the first time, I'd like to bring a gift. Gift-giving is big in her culture and I know other adoptees who've run afoul of customs with their gifts. Any ideas for an appropriate gift? The reason I was placed for adoption was poverty and while I've been told she's ok now, I want to make sure whatever I give is not too much but not too little. I'm definitely going to make a photo album for her, but am looking for other things as well. I also have three brothers and am told at least three nieces and nephews- what for them as well?
Please don't romanticize this too much -- it scares people from wanting to adopt.
OP here. I don't know why I'm responding to this post, but I suppose I couldn't resist. If prospective adoptive parents can't handle the fact that someone may want to know more about their origins AND want to reassure their birth mother that they turned out ok, then they shouldn't adopt.
Don't worry about soul crushing disappointment either. This is not the best thing to ever happen to me (that's my husband and kids) so if things don't work out, it won't be the worst thing either.
And, this may blow your mind, but my parents (the people who raised me and whom I have always and will always consider my parents) are coming with me to meet my birth family. I'm also an adoptive parent so I know how it works on both sides of the equation.
You are being unusually unfair. We have an open adoption with relatives in another country. We make it work and learned each others culture and have shared. Grandma who swore off American food and many other things now has me stop for coffee and french fries on the way home from the airport. I have to send her coffee every few months. She sends us tons of stuff too. When she comes, she cooks from her country and teaches me. I cook our favorite foods which she loves. If both parties want to, it can work beautifully. I am not sure who it benefits more - our child or us. We'd be friends with people like them if it were another situation and its more natural being family with them than some of our biological relatives.
Anonymous
07/23/2015 12:07
Subject: Gift for newly found birth family?
As do I, which is why I suggested cautious optimism. I know what it is like when dreams don't match reality--especially of concern when cultural expectations are not in sync. Good luck to you and best wishes for a happy reunion.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:More importantly, when expectations are too high and romanticism runs rapid, it sets the state for soul crushing disappointment.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm still in shock, a bit, that I've found my birth mother! She lives overseas and when we meet for the first time, I'd like to bring a gift. Gift-giving is big in her culture and I know other adoptees who've run afoul of customs with their gifts. Any ideas for an appropriate gift? The reason I was placed for adoption was poverty and while I've been told she's ok now, I want to make sure whatever I give is not too much but not too little. I'm definitely going to make a photo album for her, but am looking for other things as well. I also have three brothers and am told at least three nieces and nephews- what for them as well?
Please don't romanticize this too much -- it scares people from wanting to adopt.
OP here. I don't know why I'm responding to this post, but I suppose I couldn't resist. If prospective adoptive parents can't handle the fact that someone may want to know more about their origins AND want to reassure their birth mother that they turned out ok, then they shouldn't adopt.
Don't worry about soul crushing disappointment either. This is not the best thing to ever happen to me (that's my husband and kids) so if things don't work out, it won't be the worst thing either.
And, this may blow your mind, but my parents (the people who raised me and whom I have always and will always consider my parents) are coming with me to meet my birth family. I'm also an adoptive parent so I know how it works on both sides of the equation.
Anonymous
07/23/2015 10:06
Subject: Gift for newly found birth family?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:More importantly, when expectations are too high and romanticism runs rapid, it sets the state for soul crushing disappointment.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm still in shock, a bit, that I've found my birth mother! She lives overseas and when we meet for the first time, I'd like to bring a gift. Gift-giving is big in her culture and I know other adoptees who've run afoul of customs with their gifts. Any ideas for an appropriate gift? The reason I was placed for adoption was poverty and while I've been told she's ok now, I want to make sure whatever I give is not too much but not too little. I'm definitely going to make a photo album for her, but am looking for other things as well. I also have three brothers and am told at least three nieces and nephews- what for them as well?
Please don't romanticize this too much -- it scares people from wanting to adopt.
OP here. I don't know why I'm responding to this post, but I suppose I couldn't resist. If prospective adoptive parents can't handle the fact that someone may want to know more about their origins AND want to reassure their birth mother that they turned out ok, then they shouldn't adopt.
Don't worry about soul crushing disappointment either. This is not the best thing to ever happen to me (that's my husband and kids) so if things don't work out, it won't be the worst thing either.
And, this may blow your mind, but my parents (the people who raised me and whom I have always and will always consider my parents) are coming with me to meet my birth family. I'm also an adoptive parent so I know how it works on both sides of the equation.
Oh interesting! How does your adoptive child see the finding of your birth mother?
I think this is an amazing story OP.
Anonymous
07/23/2015 08:46
Subject: Gift for newly found birth family?
Adoptive parent here - I would be happy if my children are able to meet their birth parents if they decide that's what they want to do.
Anonymous
07/23/2015 08:42
Subject: Gift for newly found birth family?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:More importantly, when expectations are too high and romanticism runs rapid, it sets the state for soul crushing disappointment.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm still in shock, a bit, that I've found my birth mother! She lives overseas and when we meet for the first time, I'd like to bring a gift. Gift-giving is big in her culture and I know other adoptees who've run afoul of customs with their gifts. Any ideas for an appropriate gift? The reason I was placed for adoption was poverty and while I've been told she's ok now, I want to make sure whatever I give is not too much but not too little. I'm definitely going to make a photo album for her, but am looking for other things as well. I also have three brothers and am told at least three nieces and nephews- what for them as well?
Please don't romanticize this too much -- it scares people from wanting to adopt.
OP here. I don't know why I'm responding to this post, but I suppose I couldn't resist. If prospective adoptive parents can't handle the fact that someone may want to know more about their origins AND want to reassure their birth mother that they turned out ok, then they shouldn't adopt.
Don't worry about soul crushing disappointment either. This is not the best thing to ever happen to me (that's my husband and kids) so if things don't work out, it won't be the worst thing either.
And, this may blow your mind, but my parents (the people who raised me and whom I have always and will always consider my parents) are coming with me to meet my birth family. I'm also an adoptive parent so I know how it works on both sides of the equation.
NP here, and adoptive parent. And I'm happy for you, OP! I hope everything works out!
Anonymous
07/22/2015 22:22
Subject: Gift for newly found birth family?
Anonymous wrote:More importantly, when expectations are too high and romanticism runs rapid, it sets the state for soul crushing disappointment.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm still in shock, a bit, that I've found my birth mother! She lives overseas and when we meet for the first time, I'd like to bring a gift. Gift-giving is big in her culture and I know other adoptees who've run afoul of customs with their gifts. Any ideas for an appropriate gift? The reason I was placed for adoption was poverty and while I've been told she's ok now, I want to make sure whatever I give is not too much but not too little. I'm definitely going to make a photo album for her, but am looking for other things as well. I also have three brothers and am told at least three nieces and nephews- what for them as well?
Please don't romanticize this too much -- it scares people from wanting to adopt.
OP here. I don't know why I'm responding to this post, but I suppose I couldn't resist. If prospective adoptive parents can't handle the fact that someone may want to know more about their origins AND want to reassure their birth mother that they turned out ok, then they shouldn't adopt.
Don't worry about soul crushing disappointment either. This is not the best thing to ever happen to me (that's my husband and kids) so if things don't work out, it won't be the worst thing either.
And, this may blow your mind, but my parents (the people who raised me and whom I have always and will always consider my parents) are coming with me to meet my birth family. I'm also an adoptive parent so I know how it works on both sides of the equation.
Anonymous
07/22/2015 22:06
Subject: Gift for newly found birth family?
Oh OP! Just want to say how wonderful for you (and her) to have found each other.
Anonymous
07/22/2015 22:01
Subject: Gift for newly found birth family?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm still in shock, a bit, that I've found my birth mother! She lives overseas and when we meet for the first time, I'd like to bring a gift. Gift-giving is big in her culture and I know other adoptees who've run afoul of customs with their gifts. Any ideas for an appropriate gift? The reason I was placed for adoption was poverty and while I've been told she's ok now, I want to make sure whatever I give is not too much but not too little. I'm definitely going to make a photo album for her, but am looking for other things as well. I also have three brothers and am told at least three nieces and nephews- what for them as well?
Please don't romanticize this too much -- it scares people from wanting to adopt.
Sometimes it can be very very good. We are amazingly close to our child's birth mom's family. They are amazing people who love us as well as our son. They are another set of parents to us and grandparents to our child. Our child doesn't have a clue as this is his normal that it isn't normal. (now his birthfather's family ... well... if we never see or hear from them again it will be too soon).