Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting. I hadn't seen this before. My husband could have written that. I am beyond frustrated and thinking about leaving him because I'm sick of always being told that I am wrong, dumb, forgetful, whatever.

Seriously? I wouldn't have been so trusted and respected at work if I were that dumb and forgetful. But somehow at home, I am always wrong. So frustrating.

Trouble is, we have a 16 month old babe and she adores her dad. And he adores her. And now what?

Yup, same boat, except our babe is only 8 months. But yeah, the vast majority of the time, everything I do is wrong and I am the most forgetful, lazy and least-ambitious person ever.

The except OP posted about that look of resignation and demoralization -- I know that feeling so very well. I must make the same face. DH isn't great with empathy so I doubt he sees it or recognizes it. But it sums up my feelings perfectly when he lays into me.

Anonymous wrote:80/20 isn't even all that healthy! Now if she usually got 93/7 maybe I could see her point...
Kidding. This is atrocious and a horrible way to treat anyone.

There was a woman at my pool basically berating her Dh in the same manner this weekend. It was "I thought you were just going to say hi, not to chat." "Junior swam the whole length of the pool, and you weren't even looking". Everyone was staring, and I said to my DH, that poor guy, how embarrassing. I wondered what she says to him in private if she's so emasculating in public.

Thank you for posting. I hadn't seen this before. My husband could have written that. I am beyond frustrated and thinking about leaving him because I'm sick of always being told that I am wrong, dumb, forgetful, whatever.

Seriously? I wouldn't have been so trusted and respected at work if I were that dumb and forgetful. But somehow at home, I am always wrong. So frustrating.

Trouble is, we have a 16 month old babe and she adores her dad. And he adores her. And now what?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take the point generally, but if you've been married for ten years and your spouse still can't remember that you can't drink whole milk due to a dairy fat intolerance, so he buys it every time he goes to the grocery store, it kind of veers from lack of awareness/confusion into being completely self-absorbed/an asshole.

Ding, ding! Especially when I remember and follow every last one of his household rules and preferences. Sometimes the other person needs to be brought to task!

Exactly! I feel like such an an idiot sometimes that I put so much effort into making sure his shirts are folded the way he likes when I do laundry, track which beverages he's into these days to keep it in stock, skip the peppers in any recipe I make because he doesn't like them (even though I do), etc., but he can't remember the damn milk.

Do you think this was the tip of the iceberg? A stand-in for "You forget my birthday every year unless I remind you" kind of thing? "I do everything for you and you can't even remember the meat I get FOR YOU each time?"

I think you can be mildly annoyed at the 70/30 beef without getting out of hand. There are mild annoyances in life. There is a middle ground between stiffing them so your partner never knows your wishes and allowing it to trigger a tirade of insults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take the point generally, but if you've been married for ten years and your spouse still can't remember that you can't drink whole milk due to a dairy fat intolerance, so he buys it every time he goes to the grocery store, it kind of veers from lack of awareness/confusion into being completely self-absorbed/an asshole.

Ding, ding! Especially when I remember and follow every last one of his household rules and preferences. Sometimes the other person needs to be brought to task!

Exactly! I feel like such an an idiot sometimes that I put so much effort into making sure his shirts are folded the way he likes when I do laundry, track which beverages he's into these days to keep it in stock, skip the peppers in any recipe I make because he doesn't like them (even though I do), etc., but he can't remember the damn milk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take the point generally, but if you've been married for ten years and your spouse still can't remember that you can't drink whole milk due to a dairy fat intolerance, so he buys it every time he goes to the grocery store, it kind of veers from lack of awareness/confusion into being completely self-absorbed/an asshole.

Ding, ding! Especially when I remember and follow every last one of his household rules and preferences. Sometimes the other person needs to be brought to task!

Smh. Look up- that's the larger point sailing over your head.

Anonymous wrote:I take the point generally, but if you've been married for ten years and your spouse still can't remember that you can't drink whole milk due to a dairy fat intolerance, so he buys it every time he goes to the grocery store, it kind of veers from lack of awareness/confusion into being completely self-absorbed/an asshole.

Ding, ding! Especially when I remember and follow every last one of his household rules and preferences. Sometimes the other person needs to be brought to task!

I take the point generally, but if you've been married for ten years and your spouse still can't remember that you can't drink whole milk due to a dairy fat intolerance, so he buys it every time he goes to the grocery store, it kind of veers from lack of awareness/confusion into being completely self-absorbed/an asshole.

Everything I do is wrong. Sounds right.

OMFG this is so familiar:

"certainly wasn’t the first time I scolded him for not doing something the way I thought it should be done. He was always putting something away in the wrong place. Or leaving something out. Or neglecting to do something altogether. And I was always right there to point it out to him."

And:

"Why do I think it’s reasonable to expect him to remember everything I want and do it just that way? The instances in which he does something differently, does it mean he’s wrong? When did “my way” become “the only way?” When did it become okay to constantly correct him and lecture him and point out every little thing I didn’t like as if he were making some kind of mistake?"

And:

"So it got to the point where he felt it was a better idea — or just plain easier — to cover things up than admit he made a human error. What kind of environment have I created where he feels he’s not allowed to make mistakes?"

DW is that you?

This is verbal and emotional abuse.

It makes me sad that someone had to write an article that basically says 'don't act like a raving lunatic' and other people are like 'wow, great idea'. Why would anyone ever think it's okay to act that way?

Wow what a petty thing to fight about. Seriously?

The husband in that story sounds like a big old wuss. Muttering apologetic responses? Might as well just tattoo "doormat" on his forehead.