Anonymous wrote:Can you help them research what their school system offers in terms of "vo-tech" courses - like FCPS's academy courses? Maybe they can graduate HS already having a trade - welding, auto repair, CNA, dental assistant, etc. These types of programs are great for all kids, esp those who will not go to college. This will give them a brighter future.

Good idea, and OP, you should do this -- but only after you contact the counselors or social service workers or whoever at the boys' schools handles students' family issues. There should be some kind of counselor in the schools whom you can alert to the fact that these kids live on the edge of eviction all the time. If the school doesn't know that already, the school does need to know, and can help connect the family with local social services help.

There are also programs in which school counselors identify students who are at risk of going hungry and provide food donations to those families, and usually in subtle ways (Saturday pickups so the kids don't have to be seen by other kids as they haul home free food, for instance). If you leave the boys and their dad to follow up on your research about courses and future plans -- it seems likely that they won't do so; you need to get a counselor who is IN their geographic area involved with them, and the school is a good place to start. You are not the boys' parent so it may be tough to get the school to talk directly with you about the boys due to schools' reluctance to discuss kids with anyone not their legal guardian, but if you make a trip up there and get dad to buy into approaching the school, you can go with him to see the counselor (and later, that gives you more leeway to contact the counselor to say things you didn't want to say in front of dad).

I wuld be worried about all of the issues besides rent that these boys are dealing with. You mention food and I imagine school is another. Are you really sure this is the best situation for them? Just because they come to live with you doesn't mean they lose their father. Could you structure it like boarding school where they could live with you but spend ample time with their dad too?

Can you help them research what their school system offers in terms of "vo-tech" courses - like FCPS's academy courses? Maybe they can graduate HS already having a trade - welding, auto repair, CNA, dental assistant, etc. These types of programs are great for all kids, esp those who will not go to college. This will give them a brighter future.

Anonymous wrote:These evictions are just unfair and the poor kids are the ones to pay the price!

He is just a victim of income inequality.

So, landlords should let tenants occupy their property for free?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for thoughts.

Question: I want to engage my nephews into the conversation so they can help hold their father accountable. Frankly they are smarter than he is. What do you think about that?

I think that places them in a very difficult position and is probably not going to work very well. What exactly do you have in mind for them to hold him accountable? I think it would undermine his parental authority, and they really do need him to play the parent role as much as he can.

My brother and I were going to have a few stipulations so they don't squander their money and not be able to pay their utilities which always happens. So the stipulations would be like:
- No more pets (they have a dog and snakes even though they regularly run out of people food)
- No room mates or other people living in the house

Yes, you should create stipulations for the boys. They are old enough to understand that poverty entails having to grow up fast sometimes. It is a good time for them to start learning some hard financial lessons. In a year or two they will be old enough to pitch in with part-time jobs.

It is very important that they understand that by receiving financial support from you and your brother, that they also bear some responsibility in living a frugal lifestyle especially since their dad is so easily overwhelmed.

+1

Start teaching these boys financial literacy. Their father doesn't seem able to teach them those lessons and he is most likely a lost cause. Try to teach him something if possible but put most of your energy into educating those boys and how to escape from poverty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for thoughts.

Question: I want to engage my nephews into the conversation so they can help hold their father accountable. Frankly they are smarter than he is. What do you think about that?

I think that places them in a very difficult position and is probably not going to work very well. What exactly do you have in mind for them to hold him accountable? I think it would undermine his parental authority, and they really do need him to play the parent role as much as he can.

My brother and I were going to have a few stipulations so they don't squander their money and not be able to pay their utilities which always happens. So the stipulations would be like:
- No more pets (they have a dog and snakes even though they regularly run out of people food)
- No room mates or other people living in the house

Yes, you should create stipulations for the boys. They are old enough to understand that poverty entails having to grow up fast sometimes. It is a good time for them to start learning some hard financial lessons. In a year or two they will be old enough to pitch in with part-time jobs.

It is very important that they understand that by receiving financial support from you and your brother, that they also bear some responsibility in living a frugal lifestyle especially since their dad is so easily overwhelmed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you pay the rent directly to the landlord so that you don't have to worry about it being squandered on other things?

Yes, I know someone who does this for their unaccountable family member. She will pay for all bills, but directly to the company.

I also think this is the best way to go. You say your BIL is in poor heallth and they live off SSI. That's not much. If you can afford it, consider paying the utilities directly. Teenage boys eat a lot and I would not be surprised if their refrigerator and pantry are empty most of the time. You can suggest to your BIL and nephews that you hope BIL will then be able to cover their food and other living costs now that you cover their housing. Many young people join the military out of high school. If the kids have decent grades, you can help them apply to college and for scholarship aid. These are just suggestions and you and your brother, together with your spouses, must decide what you are willing and able to do for your nephews.

Don't get the kids involved in enforcing the rules. It's not fair to pit them against their father (and against their financial security). You can condition your payment of rent on Jimmy enrolling in a financial literacy course or something.

I like the idea of paying the rent directly and perhaps asking in exchange to be involved in Jimmy's money management so someone will have a handle on what is going on.

They are a package deal. You can't take the kids without the father. If Jimmy is the deal-breaker, then find a way to pay the landlord and utilities directly and sign a contract that it's only until the youngest graduates high school. After they graduate, make it clear they are welcome to live with you while working or attending college.

Anonymous wrote:Can you pay the rent directly to the landlord so that you don't have to worry about it being squandered on other things?

Yes, I know someone who does this for their unaccountable family member. She will pay for all bills, but directly to the company.

Can you pay the rent directly to the landlord so that you don't have to worry about it being squandered on other things?

Don't make the boys accountable, things are crazy enough for them without being held to the responsibilities of an adult.

I think you and your brother are good people. I'd suggest you both investigate local services and see what you can do to help them locally (aside from handing over money). Like someone else suggested, would it be possible for the 2 of you to pay the rent directly and not have him involved. It would at a minimum remove the stress of being evicted and having to pay any late fees or penalties.

I have no idea what their monthly rent is, so this might not be feasible.

Continue paying the rent and tell Jimmy that after his kids graduate they're on their own. They have to find jobs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for thoughts.

Question: I want to engage my nephews into the conversation so they can help hold their father accountable. Frankly they are smarter than he is. What do you think about that?

I think that places them in a very difficult position and is probably not going to work very well. What exactly do you have in mind for them to hold him accountable? I think it would undermine his parental authority, and they really do need him to play the parent role as much as he can.

My brother and I were going to have a few stipulations so they don't squander their money and not be able to pay their utilities which always happens. So the stipulations would be like:
- No more pets (they have a dog and snakes even though they regularly run out of people food)
- No room mates or other people living in the house

This is between you and dad - not the kids. Roomates are good as long as they are behaved and can pay their share of the rent. You pay the rent directly to the landlord as well as utilities - he can send you a copy of the bills.