I don't have it figured out either - but two things:

Most likely, you are not getting enough sleep - unless you are one of those super lucky people who don't need the usual 7-8 hours.

In your crazy busy schedule when do you find time to post and read DCUM? Any other social media? Unless it is the first time you ever posted here and you intend to read only the responses and nothing else - that could be easily the time for your grad school. Any forum-Facebook etc. are huge time suck. Ask me how I know it

I haven't read every single post, but did anyone mention going into work very early, so that you can get home a lot earlier? That is what makes the difference to me. I leave the house around 7:15/7:30, at my desk by 8:15 (Metro commute, so takes about 45 minutes) and am out the door from work at 4:30 each day, picking up kid at daycare my 5:15 to 5:30. It makes a HUGE difference that we're done eating before 7 and he's in bed sleeping before 8. Would this be feasible for you?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your kind responses!

If I put them to bed earlier, it means we have to skip the walk. I love walking with them, carrying the baby in the baby carrier and holding the big one, talking to my husband, looking at the trees and flowers outside. It means I will see light and summer only on weekends because I am stuck in the office all day.

Reading is hard to skip either. The big one is used to it, and cries if we even entertain that idea.

The baby won't even consider going to bed before 9.

If I come home at 6:30, how can they be in bed by 7:30-8?

Half hour for walk, half hour for dinner, half hour for bath and bedtime routine? that leaves no time for cooking (so get takeout or microwave leftovers) and only a short bedtime routine, but there's no reason that can't include one story, especially if you're each taking one kid for bedtime - just tradeoff. of course, if the baby won't go to bed before 9, it won't work, but you could probably gradually move it up an hour.


my sister's kids have a late bedtime like yours, and it works for their family because her DH works late and evenings are their primary family time together. But neither parent has much late-night work to do and the kids and parents are able to sleep in a bit in the morning (not late, but until like 8:30, which seems like sleeping in to me!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your kind responses!

If I put them to bed earlier, it means we have to skip the walk. I love walking with them, carrying the baby in the baby carrier and holding the big one, talking to my husband, looking at the trees and flowers outside. It means I will see light and summer only on weekends because I am stuck in the office all day.

Reading is hard to skip either. The big one is used to it, and cries if we even entertain that idea.

The baby won't even consider going to bed before 9.

If I come home at 6:30, how can they be in bed by 7:30-8?

Figure out way not to come home at 6:30. Flex your schedule, telework, get a new job, move, something. If you can't/won't do that, then streamline. Have dinner ready when you get home or plan simple meals. Go for a 15 minute walk instead of a 30 minute walk. Shorten the bedtime routine as much as possible.

This is your life for the next many years. Make proactive changes to get the lifestyle and quality of life that you want.

OP, it is really OK if folks have PB&J, scrambled eggs, or grilled cheese for dinner sometimes (or hell, a cheese sandwich. Grilling takes time). Especially while Mom's in school.

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are going to bed way too late. I realize you want to spend time with them after getting home from work, but unless your kids are sleeping in until 10 am every day, they need to be going to bed somewhere between 7 pm and 8 pm at the latest -- this is for their health, not yours. Once they're in bed two hours earlier, though, you'll be able to start your nighttime work two hours earlier, get to bed two hours earlier, and then get two extra hours of sleep yourself, which you desperately need to get through all of your evening activities with any kind of energy.

If you are skeptical, give it a try for two weeks. I'm willing to bet that after two weeks, you will feel much better, you'll get work done more efficiently, and will find you actually have more time (between evenings and weekends) where you are engaged with your child, as opposed to just marking time because you're exhausted.

Yup.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your kind responses!

If I put them to bed earlier, it means we have to skip the walk. I love walking with them, carrying the baby in the baby carrier and holding the big one, talking to my husband, looking at the trees and flowers outside. It means I will see light and summer only on weekends because I am stuck in the office all day.

Reading is hard to skip either. The big one is used to it, and cries if we even entertain that idea.

The baby won't even consider going to bed before 9.

If I come home at 6:30, how can they be in bed by 7:30-8?

Figure out way not to come home at 6:30. Flex your schedule, telework, get a new job, move, something. If you can't/won't do that, then streamline. Have dinner ready when you get home or plan simple meals. Go for a 15 minute walk instead of a 30 minute walk. Shorten the bedtime routine as much as possible.

This is your life for the next many years. Make proactive changes to get the lifestyle and quality of life that you want.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would reconsider grad school. Can you put it off until kids are in elementary school?

Also, what about afternoon or morning daycare or sitter for the 15mo? That would give your dh more time for work during the day so you don't have to work at night. And he could have dinner ready when you come in the door.

Can't reconsider grad school I have three classes left (2 semesters) before I graduate, and I put too much into it already.

My mom is coming to live with us in September to relieve my husband a bit. Can't trust him with cooking, plus he expresses no desire to do it! I have to my part of the business side, so we can't change that either.

He doesn't have to cook gourmet meals. Eggs/salad/sandwiches are perfectly fine too. Quick meals are a great thing to learn how to put together. It seems as though you have a lot of non negotiables, so if you truly want a change then SOMETHING needs to actually change. If grad school and the business and your commute are non negotiables, then dinner may need to turn into a negotiable.

I never understand these posts. OP, you came on and told us you feel exhausted and your schedule and the various components of your life. When people make observations and suggestions, you respond that you can't change anything about your life. So then why are you posting? Sincerely.

You are exhausted because you don't sleep enough. You don't have enough time at night to do what you need to do because your kids go to bed too late. Your kids very likely aren't getting enough sleep either, which isn't good for them either. Your commute is very long and this is probably the root cause of some of these issues.

If you won't change anything, then you're going to feel tired for years. Drink lots of coffee.

Anonymous wrote:I would reconsider grad school. Can you put it off until kids are in elementary school?

Also, what about afternoon or morning daycare or sitter for the 15mo? That would give your dh more time for work during the day so you don't have to work at night. And he could have dinner ready when you come in the door.

Can't reconsider grad school I have three classes left (2 semesters) before I graduate, and I put too much into it already.

My mom is coming to live with us in September to relieve my husband a bit. Can't trust him with cooking, plus he expresses no desire to do it! I have to my part of the business side, so we can't change that either.

Can your husband feed them before you get home? Then you get home, eat something quickly and go for the walk etc. I think something's going to have to give.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your kind responses!

If I put them to bed earlier, it means we have to skip the walk. I love walking with them, carrying the baby in the baby carrier and holding the big one, talking to my husband, looking at the trees and flowers outside. It means I will see light and summer only on weekends because I am stuck in the office all day.

Reading is hard to skip either. The big one is used to it, and cries if we even entertain that idea.

The baby won't even consider going to bed before 9.

If I come home at 6:30, how can they be in bed by 7:30-8?

Can you switch the walk to the morning?

Can you work from home 1-2 days per week?

OP here. Thank you for your kind responses!

If I put them to bed earlier, it means we have to skip the walk. I love walking with them, carrying the baby in the baby carrier and holding the big one, talking to my husband, looking at the trees and flowers outside. It means I will see light and summer only on weekends because I am stuck in the office all day.

Reading is hard to skip either. The big one is used to it, and cries if we even entertain that idea.

The baby won't even consider going to bed before 9.

If I come home at 6:30, how can they be in bed by 7:30-8?

You are not sleeping nearly enough.

I agree with the PP that you need childcare for the 15 month old so DH can work more during the day. And if he is not making enough to cover daycare and make a profit (or about to do that very soon), then that is a hobby not a business and should consider a better use of his time.

OP, I tend to agree with the other posters that the kids should go to bed earlier. My 3 yo has an 8:30 bedtime, which folks are saying is late but I do think the time works for her. She sleeps until 6 or 7am. Try for 8:30 or even 9 and see what that extra hour does for you. Also, if you have some sort of involved bedtime routine where you have to lie with them until they fall asleep, I would cut that out. No judgment, I swear. I think it's really nice to cuddle too, but I don't have the patience because I usually have to log back on to work after bedtime. We do bath, brush teeth, book, hugs, and lights off, that's it. I just can't spare the time if I want to get sleep for myself.

Also, you could try alternating study/late nights with early bedtime nights. I try to get up around 5am and run every other morning, which means I try for an earlier bedtime every other night. Ideally it would be every night, but I'll take what I can get.

Do you rent or own your home?

Commuting is the enemy of happiness and you're spending two hours per day on it. It's wasted, empty time that is often stressful.

Trading a larger living space for a much shorter commute was one of the best things I ever did. Time is finite. Wasting it getting from one place to another is pointless.