Anonymous
07/09/2015 13:22
Subject: Re:Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:He just turned 4, DS is 1.
Old enough to know better. If my 4 year old did this, time out + loss of utensils for that meal. He can eat with his hands if he thinks forks are for throwing.
Anonymous
07/09/2015 13:21
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
You need to start presenting a united front to the kids while they are small because, believe me, once they reach the tweens, you will need it.
Anonymous
07/09/2015 13:19
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:
I correct any family member in front of any family member.
We can all stand correction from time to time, and this does not undermine DH's parental authority since he makes himself as authoritative as need be when he wants to (so do I). On the contrary, giving and accepting remonstrations gracefully is a good example for the children.
Who corrects you? You sound like you're in need of some major correction.
Anonymous
07/09/2015 13:16
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:Did you call the kids out for their behavior? Is what they did acceptable?
IMO, you discipline your kids for what they did NOW (seriously, throwing forks?!) and discuss DH's reaction later, in private. Your DH is totally right
Agreed.
Anonymous
07/09/2015 13:16
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP but provided your DH doesn't have broader anger management/violence issues you shouldn't have corrected him in front of your kids. You should have intervened to tell your son he was wrong, and you should have told your DH in private that you are really upset by the way he reacted and asked him to not do it again (but I stress that this should be a discussion not an order, he didn't hit the child).
This is a very strict rule in our household. Except in case of immediate physical danger (yup we agreed to phrase it like that), there is NO exception to the rule of not contradicting the other parent in front of the children regarding discipline/their interaction. I saw first hand how bad it was in my 2 brothers' families because my SILs kept on undermining their husband's authority.
I would add to that though that we are not passive on our discipline disagreements: we frequently discuss how we want to address issues (sleep, toilet training, tantrum, getting dressed whatever...) in a preventive way, and we rediscuss as often as necessary to make sure we agree on the rule. We are also 99% in agreement on the general principles which helps..
+1 and I would also like to add that DCUM is not always against the DH as this ex shows..
Anonymous
07/09/2015 13:13
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
Sorry OP but provided your DH doesn't have broader anger management/violence issues you shouldn't have corrected him in front of your kids. You should have intervened to tell your son he was wrong, and you should have told your DH in private that you are really upset by the way he reacted and asked him to not do it again (but I stress that this should be a discussion not an order, he didn't hit the child).
This is a very strict rule in our household. Except in case of immediate physical danger (yup we agreed to phrase it like that), there is NO exception to the rule of not contradicting the other parent in front of the children regarding discipline/their interaction. I saw first hand how bad it was in my 2 brothers' families because my SILs kept on undermining their husband's authority.
I would add to that though that we are not passive on our discipline disagreements: we frequently discuss how we want to address issues (sleep, toilet training, tantrum, getting dressed whatever...) in a preventive way, and we rediscuss as often as necessary to make sure we agree on the rule. We are also 99% in agreement on the general principles which helps..
This is a very strict rule in our household. Except in case of immediate physical danger (yup we agreed to phrase it like that), there is NO exception to the rule of not contradicting the other parent in front of the children regarding discipline/their interaction. I saw first hand how bad it was in my 2 brothers' families because my SILs kept on undermining their husband's authority.
I would add to that though that we are not passive on our discipline disagreements: we frequently discuss how we want to address issues (sleep, toilet training, tantrum, getting dressed whatever...) in a preventive way, and we rediscuss as often as necessary to make sure we agree on the rule. We are also 99% in agreement on the general principles which helps..
Anonymous
07/09/2015 11:42
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:You undermined your DH's authoritative power. After this incident, in your kids's eyes, daddy is on the same level with them since everybody is corrected/reprimanded by Mommy, the Authoritatively Figure.
I feel for your husband. Good luck to him next time trying to discipline the kids.
Where do you get that throwing a fork is discipline?!?
Anonymous
07/09/2015 11:30
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
You undermined your DH's authoritative power. After this incident, in your kids's eyes, daddy is on the same level with them since everybody is corrected/reprimanded by Mommy, the Authoritatively Figure.
I feel for your husband. Good luck to him next time trying to discipline the kids.
I feel for your husband. Good luck to him next time trying to discipline the kids.
Anonymous
07/09/2015 09:07
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:That's not cool. You were in the wrong, OP. Your husband is not your child. He's your coparent and you need go treat him as such.
+1. Correct the kid, not your husband especially in front of children.
Anonymous
07/09/2015 08:47
Subject: Re:Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
So the 4 year old threw the fork at your DH? If so, I think DH's response sounds appropriate. Why is it wrong for you child to know that fork throwing makes the person thrown at angry? I would put that in the category of natural consequences. All the expert advice I've read says that you should back up your co-parent and present a united front. If you are so far apart on parenting practices, or you think DH has anger problems that go beyond this (IMO minor) incident then move to counseling or jointly attend a parenting class.
Anonymous
07/09/2015 08:32
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My DD threw her fork on the floor. DS picked it up and fired it at DH, hitting him in the hand. DH was exasperated and slammed his fork on the rug under the kitchen table. I told him that was unacceptable in front of the kids, but he thinks I was off base in calling him out in front of the kids. I think if I had not said anything, then the kids would think this is ok. A very young child cannot always distinguish the nuances of throwing a fork at the ground vs at someone. Thoughts?
It doesn't matter what strangers on the Internet do. Your husband asked you not to do it. So don't.
yep.
Anonymous
07/09/2015 07:54
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
That's not cool. You were in the wrong, OP. Your husband is not your child. He's your coparent and you need go treat him as such.
Anonymous
07/09/2015 06:40
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:My DD threw her fork on the floor. DS picked it up and fired it at DH, hitting him in the hand. DH was exasperated and slammed his fork on the rug under the kitchen table. I told him that was unacceptable in front of the kids, but he thinks I was off base in calling him out in front of the kids. I think if I had not said anything, then the kids would think this is ok. A very young child cannot always distinguish the nuances of throwing a fork at the ground vs at someone. Thoughts?
It doesn't matter what strangers on the Internet do. Your husband asked you not to do it. So don't.
Anonymous
07/08/2015 23:56
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
As long as you respectfully let your husband know that you didn't think the way he was handling a particular situation very good, then he has no right to be angry.
By calling your husband out in a respectful fashion, you are providing your children with a wonderful learning tool that they will surely need as they get older.
By calling your husband out in a respectful fashion, you are providing your children with a wonderful learning tool that they will surely need as they get older.
Anonymous
07/08/2015 22:07
Subject: Need opinion on correcting husband in front of kids
Anonymous wrote:
I correct any family member in front of any family member.
We can all stand correction from time to time, and this does not undermine DH's parental authority since he makes himself as authoritative as need be when he wants to (so do I). On the contrary, giving and accepting remonstrations gracefully is a good example for the children.
That never ends up well in my experience. Soon everyone becomes the empowered, embittered cricket, both the masters and the victims. What is important, I think is for parents to learn to co-operate and present a united and consistent front. t word their children.