Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 23:23     Subject: Re:I think I stepped over a line
Omg. My SIL has required my son to " help" since he was 3. The only time I stepped in was when she gave him a heavy dish to carry ( had he dropped it, half of dinner would have disappeared).

Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 09:33     Subject: I think I stepped over a line
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It was inviting, as in, "Larlo would you please take the silks off of the corn?"


Not exactly inviting to me.


Dear god, now she has to invent some crazy cool way of asking? (which frankly, a kid that age would think was a goofy way to ask)

OP, you did nothing wrong.... and I also bet his mother was shocked he complied so quickly and easily -

I'm in the camp that everyone helps out - I was raised with chores to do as a child and my kids do chores... my sister doesn't have her kids do any chores (5th and 8th grades) so instead she runs around trying to clean everything, is always chasing clothes all around the house to do laundry, even puts everything back in the kids' drawers, sets the table, does all dinner prep, clean up, etc. Seriously - the woman is exhausted and her children spend hours on the computer and come to dinner as the food is being laid out on the table. I don't get it. And her kids bitch about everything, all the time (Mom! Why didn't you wash my blue shirt!) But hey, that's her method.....
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 09:31     Subject: Re:I think I stepped over a line
I don't think it was out of line, unless you've been dropping comments around the family about kids today being so lazy and always on their devices, or how you'll put your own kids to work by the time they can walk. If the latter, your relatives would probably think you asked your nephew for help to be passive aggressive.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 09:28     Subject: Re:I think I stepped over a line
Good grief, she asked him to shuck a few ears of corn. It's hard to imagine how asking someone to do such a minimal task would ever be considered wrong or stepping over a line.


Exactly. And so could a 2 or 3 year old, though not very well. My point is that unless you are asking all kids to participate, which OP clearly wasn't (she said her kids weren't of that age so she didn't know if kids helped with dinner prep), then it may well be over the line unless you have a special relationship with the child or some other circumstance that makes it reasonable exists - like OP was paying for the trip. You just don't single out one kid who is not your own to do chores - and yes, some of us would consider shucking corn as a chore.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 06:57     Subject: I think I stepped over a line
Anonymous wrote:It was inviting, as in, "Larlo would you please take the silks off of the corn?"


Not exactly inviting to me.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 05:09     Subject: I think I stepped over a line
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Shouldn't children be included in dinner prep? I don't have a child of that age, but I remember setting the table, making salads, etc. Was I out of line?


Yes but it isn't your job to teach this or to decide when it should be taught. I happen to put all of mine to work from the time they could walk - which it doesn't sound as though you do since you think yours are too young to help.

As to whether you were wrong, I think it depends on the situation. What is your relationship, how often do you see him, what were the other kids doing, who is paying for the vacation, etc. I would not be offended if my siblings or in laws asked my kids to help if all kids were helping. If they singled out one of mine or even all of mine I would think they were out of line because none of them see my kids often or have the sort of relationships where they are mentors or teachers to my kids. But unless I intervened, I'd expect mine to help without complaining. Depending on the circumstances and how I'm feeling I might, however, offer to take over for my child - sometimes I just feel like taking care of them and letting them have fun.


Good grief, she asked him to shuck a few ears of corn. It's hard to imagine how asking someone to do such a minimal task would ever be considered wrong or stepping over a line. My five year old can do that! I don't know why the OP would have to be a "mentor" to the kid... it's not like she is asking him to mop floors or clean the bathroom.


+1

She wasn't teaching him to make dinner, PP or enlisting him for the entire process. She asked him on the spot to lend a hand with a 30 second chore. I can't imagine any set of circumstances in which this would be inappropriate. The alternative seems to me to be serving the main course cold/overcooked or forgoing other side dishes because you can't bear to ask Larlo to shuck the corn and throw it in the pot when it's needed.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2015 23:13     Subject: I think I stepped over a line
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Shouldn't children be included in dinner prep? I don't have a child of that age, but I remember setting the table, making salads, etc. Was I out of line?


Yes but it isn't your job to teach this or to decide when it should be taught. I happen to put all of mine to work from the time they could walk - which it doesn't sound as though you do since you think yours are too young to help.

As to whether you were wrong, I think it depends on the situation. What is your relationship, how often do you see him, what were the other kids doing, who is paying for the vacation, etc. I would not be offended if my siblings or in laws asked my kids to help if all kids were helping. If they singled out one of mine or even all of mine I would think they were out of line because none of them see my kids often or have the sort of relationships where they are mentors or teachers to my kids. But unless I intervened, I'd expect mine to help without complaining. Depending on the circumstances and how I'm feeling I might, however, offer to take over for my child - sometimes I just feel like taking care of them and letting them have fun.


Good grief, she asked him to shuck a few ears of corn. It's hard to imagine how asking someone to do such a minimal task would ever be considered wrong or stepping over a line. My five year old can do that! I don't know why the OP would have to be a "mentor" to the kid... it's not like she is asking him to mop floors or clean the bathroom.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2015 11:36     Subject: I think I stepped over a line
Anonymous wrote:Shouldn't children be included in dinner prep? I don't have a child of that age, but I remember setting the table, making salads, etc. Was I out of line?


Yes but it isn't your job to teach this or to decide when it should be taught. I happen to put all of mine to work from the time they could walk - which it doesn't sound as though you do since you think yours are too young to help.

As to whether you were wrong, I think it depends on the situation. What is your relationship, how often do you see him, what were the other kids doing, who is paying for the vacation, etc. I would not be offended if my siblings or in laws asked my kids to help if all kids were helping. If they singled out one of mine or even all of mine I would think they were out of line because none of them see my kids often or have the sort of relationships where they are mentors or teachers to my kids. But unless I intervened, I'd expect mine to help without complaining. Depending on the circumstances and how I'm feeling I might, however, offer to take over for my child - sometimes I just feel like taking care of them and letting them have fun.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2015 11:32     Subject: I think I stepped over a line
Don't feel bad OP. My niece was helping to put decorations on a cake and I asked her (nicely, in a fun way) to wash her hands. I'm pretty easygoing about this, but her hands were filthy from playing outside, literally in dirt. My sister was so peeved at me and thought I was being uppity and snotty because we didn't grow up like that. Which is probably true, I don't remember a lot of handwashing growing up!
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2015 11:04     Subject: I think I stepped over a line
It is fine as long as you ask in a polite way. Kids take pride in their abilities and contributions. And you don't want him to grow up unable to cook.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2015 10:48     Subject: Re:I think I stepped over a line
My husband has an aunt who waited on her now grown kids hand and foot. She is now in her seventies and caring for a very ill husband. We were visiting and I asked my 13 year old to unload the dish washer. Even though she was terribly tired she just could not stand it.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2015 10:44     Subject: Re:I think I stepped over a line
Sounds fine to me. I wouldn't worry about it unless mom or grandmom say something else about it. Who knows what was really going through there head? I definitely don't think you crossed a line.
(Although I do hate shucking corn... which is why I like to pawn it off on kids whenever possible )